the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Family first

Of all the scandalous and improper and immoral and INSANE things that have gone on in my extended and immediate families — and trust me, THERE HAVE BEEN A LOT OF SUCH THINGS, these people are Southern and clinically deranged — that MY WEBSITE is the one thing my family points to as being the Tool of Satan because I say FUCK much too often, well people, THAT IS JUST ABSURD.

I guess I’m supposed to be using my talents to write uplifting things, things like children’s books about bunnies. We all know that my children’s book would go something like this: “This is Bubba Bunny, and boy does he ever like to fuck.” Bunny stories would do the world so much more good that being candid and open about depression, than telling the true story of what it’s like to give birth and raise a baby, than sharing with you the love that I have for my family and friends.

Holy Fuck, family. I fucking love you, for fuck’s sake.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more