An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation
  • Now, if you told me it cures diaper rash, too, then we’d have something.

  • Jeremy

    Light the Christmas tree already… It’s dark in here.

  • Fish- with the Everett. the Cuteness. the Smoochableness.

  • U.B.

    Looks like a clandestine meeting. Is that Deep Throat on the left?

  • Oh, you don’t know the half…

    Oh dear GOD, Fish I so totally agree: what IS with the lamp?

    Almost as if it is half of one of those tacky, tacky sets that have a match of the opposite gender to go with an inconsistent decor in a house that is *almost* decorated cool but isn’t quite what you would have done yourself. Yet, alas, you have no say in the decor because it isn’t your house. Victorian-esque wanna be house decor: bad.

  • i second fish’s lamp query.

  • Em

    lovely shadows and People Of Mystery!

  • FS

    Turn on a light! You’ll ruin your eyes.

    Wow. I am turning into my dad…

  • Whose profile is that? The hair can’t possibly be Jon’s- it’s too perfect – it looks like Bruce Wayne telling Batgirl goodbye right before going down the pole to the bat cave…

  • Oh, I see, storm = seventeen minutes of Boohbah, as in: “Let’s Boohbah that procedure!”

    *Flight of the Bumblebees starts playing*

  • di

    This has been a production of “How To Drive People Crazy With A Dark Photograph and Mysterious Caption.”

  • tangoali

    Omnious. Please don’t break my heart and tell me that George is getting married or something tragic like that….

  • Melanie

    your pictures rock. i mean, totally. rock.

  • kari

    Brings a whole new meaning to “It’s a present for the story people”


  • If Leta ever does get lice, don’t use peanut butter. Not only does it not work, but you will end up making fun of her for the rest of her life because she had PEANUT BUTTER STUCK IN HER HAIR. (It’s a personal thing.)

  • Proceedures, maybe?

  • Sven

    Oh my, no cuteness whatsoever as of today. I´m missing out my daily smile fix.

  • robin

    I know! I know! I know!

    It’s GEORGE!!

  • Diana, that’s just…disturbing. You got lice as a child, and your parents decided to FEED them?

  • b


  • Sheryl

    Eddo, I agree – it is someone with a bigger squarer head and more closely shorn hair than Jon’s.

    I still think this is a room in Heather’s mom’s house.

  • I dunno. Both my dog and my parents’ dog love getting vacuumed. It’s a great way to keep Golden Retriever fur in check.

  • Sheryl

    Sexuality by Prince

    We live in a world overrun by tourists
    Tourists — 89 flowers on their back…inventors of the Accu-jack
    They look at life through a pocket camera… *What? No flash again?*
    They’re all a bunch of double drags who teach their kids that Love is bad
    Half of the staff of their brain is on vacation
    Mama, are u listening?

  • honestly, i’d rather not talk about the storm.

  • Sheryl,

    Thanks for saving my sanity. I should have known that, I only have about 70 Prince albums.

  • Before the baby wakes. That IS calm.

  • Dooce, your comment is even more forboding than your picture.

  • Jenie

    I’m guessing it’s something sad…I don’t like it.


    This will make you all happy:

  • Okay, people. Let’s use our deductive reasoning. Dooce is reluctant to talk about the storm, and yet she posts a picture about the storm, meaning that you, Heather, are (respectfully) full of shit (pun VERY intended).

    Which brings us to the next point. Jon’s post today on blurbomat is a picture of an advertisement for bran muffin mix, with the caption: “One For My Lady.” Meaning that Jon’s got the functioning (or lack thereof) of Heather’s bottom system on his mind, too.

    Of course, we all know that is built on love and poop (and booze). The end result of all these factors indicates that there was, indeed, a shitstorm at the blurbodoocery in the recent past.

    Other theories?

  • I can’t believe I wrote all that. Sorry.

  • It might be from a storm a while back, but either way it sounds like it’s personal.

    Heather, I don’t care what the storm is. But please don’t be in the storm anymore. Please?

  • Susie

    Or maybe the storm is a terrible little tornado — maybe Leta has gone MOBILE on them!

  • Fish, your deductive reasoning ranks you right up there with the best.

    Elementary, my dear Watson.

  • The Mommy

    Boobah for you is Dora the Explorer for us. Give it a few more months!

  • You know how sometimes you’re really upset about something, and part of you wants to talk about it (or share a forboding picture), but the other part of you just wants to be silent and sad, because if you start talking, you’ll probably start crying, and then you might not be able to stop, and then that feeling, it might just get worse instead of better? That’s kind of what it sounds like to me. But of course, that’s just coming from the particular place that I’m at right now, what with the postpartum hormones and the sleep deprivation and all.

  • Shoot. 17 minutes minus the 5 minutes spent loosening the titanium codpiece doesn’t leave much time for Boobah.

  • alh

    It’s good to hear that someone else’s husband farts on them, too.

  • George Lover

    The profile looks a bit like Jon as Drunkenstein, but it most certainly is something more serious. If not for Dooce’s recent comment, I would think maybe it was when she talked to her parents about not being a mormon anymore. Maybe it’s when you were going into labor? Or maybe, Dooce, it’s the lobby of the hospital from a few months ago? (Although, I can’t imagine having a camera at that time. And you did talk about it.)

  • Of POOP!

    I believe the Fish was correct.

  • George Lover

    Ok, and come to think of it, if it was the hospital lobby, the hospital was not a storm, but salvation (in a secular way). So forget my theory.

    I do think it’s Dooce on the right with feet on the table.

  • Titanium codpiece. Jon: You are funny.

    Where can I get me one of dem codpieces?

  • George Lover

    Just one more post, I promise.

    Not Drunkenstein, maybe Tom Ridge.

    Not Dooce on the right, but some man.

    Not feet on the table, but legs crossed.

    Not lobby but someone’s home/office.

  • Boobah? Shoot, if it hadn’t been for Barney, we wouldn’t have had a second child!

  • Ooh Dooce. You are soooo wiley. This is just like that gd Thanksgiving pic, circa 1994.

    There’s evil in you…

  • cathy b

    From Dooce’s comment and the title, the storm seems personal. The picture is interesting on it’s own, though. It makes me think of a type of Sunday evening in winter, being a young teenager, sitting in the living room with my brother and some music, it was grey all day and cold outside, and school is tomorrow.

    Like a poem, sometimes a picture is about what it is about, and sometimes it is about what it makes a viewer feel when seeing it.

  • J.

    Dooce, we used to vacuum our dogs (with the crevice attachment), and they liked it. I’m not kidding. The goal of the vacuuming was hair, not flea, removal, as they were extremely furry sheepdogs. They would run up to the running vacuum all excited like they were getting a treat, and were extremely cooperative. Too bad I can’t convince my extremely furry cat that this is a good idea (I’ve never tried, but all the racing from room to room with a look of terror in her eyes that she does when we vacuum makes me think she’d not really be into it).

  • hunh huh hunh huh..she said ‘codpiece’.

  • cathy b

    We trained our dog to love the vacuum cleaner–she was a 3 year old pound dog–she used to hate it and run terrified when we first brought her home.

    It took about 3 weeks. We started by having the vacuum off, but near where we were brushing her every day. then would turn it on to clean up the extra hair. After a week or so, we’d turn it on and one of us vacuumed the kitchen while the other brushed her and gave her treats. In time, we started to bribe her closer and closer to the vacuum with treats as we brushed her, until one day we had her sort of cornered against a wall with a treat in front of her and me and the vacuum to her side. She started to pull away as I brushed her with it, but then she seemed to realize it felt good. She still hates the sound of it, but stands there with a confused happy/embarrassed face whenever we vacuum her.

    Her favorite attachment is the little brush. (I like the crevice tool, for its sexy name.)

    (Oh–and a tip I saw somewhere–if there are fleas around where you live, not Utah, put an activated flea collar in the inside of your vacuum cleaner, under the bag. Any fleas that get vacuumed die, but your carpets and upholstery don’t need to be covered with dangerous poisons.)

  • 100!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more