An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

How long can he hold in the smoke?

  • Em

    Damn he’s yummy looking!

  • Hmmmm….If I stare at her long enough maybe she will get her but over to my table with that Egg nog Latte I ordered 15 minutes ago.

  • Derek Zoolander

  • Fun with Sharpies. Mean fun. Poisonous fun. Puke your guts out fun because you got so drunk to be in that situation anyway, but still. Ok, not that much fun. Glad I am not fun like that.

  • Cora’s mommy

    Oh, he’s definitely holding it in for maximum buzzness!

  • U.B.

    You almost expect to hear that nasally sinus snort-cough from holding in a hit that’s too big.

    I, uh, saw that in a movie once…somewhere…

    never mind

  • America’s Next Top Male Model? Anyone?….Anyone?

  • Carol

    Jon: “Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking? “

  • Carol

    Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

  • Ired

    This question is so going to prevent me from even making it to the preliminaries in the Armstrong trivia off, but is Jon a smoker? Someone help me out here– I understand that Heather could be referencing his standard sexy look, but I am curious nonetheless.

  • Oh god, Dooce…just read ‘jilted’…revenge on the dog. CLASSIC.

    I *heart* you. And stuff.

  • carol

    no, jon is not a smoker. unless he’s at the horsey bar.

  • Ired—Heather pre-empted that question in the comments early on. He does not smoke. Cigarettes or any other, er, substance.

    He’s an upstanding guy, that Jon.

  • a ‘first free’ morning.

    I agree with the top ten thing. I have two people who comment on my blog so my top ten would really suck. lol.

    Sharpies and Starbucks will take over the world some day.

    Fish you are SO funny.

    and I swear I am dating Derek Zoolander look alike. I will see if I can find the picture of him doing his ‘blue steel’….even though i’m not really ‘sposta talk it yet.




  • *Hayley–you hit the nail on the head for me–Jason Lee…YES, that’s who he looks like to me 🙂

    What A Cutie Jon!

  • Ired

    Wow, quick response, the Dooce disciples do not fuck around. Thank you.

  • Sheryl

    Jon looks like he is pausing justr before The Caveat.

    “… … But”

    I know what you mean about the doglove envy. It hurts. My youngest niece is in love with my BF. My older niece has always been crazycrazy about me and didn’t give good BF the time of day. In fact, she used to look at him skeptically. Even after 5 years. But the little one, she just loves him and lights up when she sees him and grins ear to ear and runs right past my broken heart on the floor. sigh.

    I guess everyone has to have someone who loves them. Maybe Emily doesn’t have any other doglove?

  • Zach

    Dooce, you had a photo throw down at the Blue Plate. Ain’t nobody gettin’ out alive without they picture taken.

  • The cheeks cannot hold de smoke…

    All he needs are a kick-ass pair of Raybans.

  • Nice one.
    This is your brain..this is your brain on drugs.

  • Jon wears the creases of fatherhood very well.

  • Win

    I do not believe he’s smoking.

    I believe he’s thinking, “Hmmm. I know everyone always threatens to call child welfare after reading Dooce, but I believe I might have to call animal welfare after reading the last few posts.”

  • Ha ha! You were right! He does look like he is hlding in cigar smoke. Weird huh?

    About your grudge against Chuck. You know, I do the same thing with our dog. She will piss me off by wapping me in the face with her damn wapping tail. So, I won’t talk to her for a day. That’ll learn her.

    Absolutely normal stuff.

  • I saw zoolander at three in the morning while driving overnight to Denver with my brother and his nine-year-old son. You truly haven’t experienced how funny that movie is until you see it with a nine-year-old, who then repeats for two days:

    “*cough, cough,* I think its the black lung, pop.”

    “you, too, could die in a freak gasoline fight accident.”

  • Kate: actually, you put a big pair of reflective glasses on that mug, and he’ll look just like Macho Man Randy Savage.


  • victoria

    Naw, you didn’t really do that to Chuckles did you?

  • You know, I’ve never, ever been a fan of facial hair. But it seems to work on Jon without the h.

  • Carol

    Fish – Zoolander is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen!! I can’t wait to get home tonight, wrap presents and watch with the hubby. I laugh my ass off everytime. Particularly the Will Ferrell parts.

    Mugatu: Oh, I’m sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!

  • Fish, why do you keep linking to the pretty blonde Halloween lady?

    Here’s one with no arms.

  • Hillary

    While Jon is cute, I just noticed something about him. We have the same ears! No one I know (even in my family) has the same notch on the side while the ridge flattens out on the top.
    I would send photo evidence, but I am always trying to hide them. Too many “Spock” jokes as a kid.
    He’s my Ear twin

  • Colleen from NJ


    iPhone…could it work….?

  • mrs. george #2

    ahem ahem… it’s the black lung, pop.

  • What is this? A center for ANTS?

    Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.

  • all of you that race to be first on are just a bunch of “doocebags”. Did I coin a new phrase?

  • Weave: No. Kano has a few weeks on you.

    Sorry about linking to the blonde outlet. I forgot to change it back since last night.

  • People who call other people “doocebags” own Eddie Money albums.

  • Hey, I don’t own any Eddie Money albums!

  • except for Sheryl 😉

  • Scrumptious!

  • Carol

    Hillary – OMG!!! I have ears like that, too. In fact, it’s the first thing I noticed about Jon, also They aren’t pointy, but flat and notched.

    My dad used to say he held me by my ears and dipped me in sweet sauce when I was little. And he pinched too tight. Weird, I know.

    BTW, I don’t have any Eddie Money albums either.

  • Sheryl – You said Eddie Money, I thought Eddie Rabbit and now I have that stupid, “I love a rainy night, I love a rainy night…” STUCK IN MY HEAD.

  • red

    thanks, kristine. now I have that song stuck in my head, too.

  • I like my doocebags anywayz. I like em fresh and full o dooce.

  • Carol

    Yeah, thanks kristine…shit!

    BTW, just have to share how I ordered my lunch today…

    Ugly Naked Guy….soft…black


  • the niffer

    Heather – in case your therapist doesn’t remind you this afternoon: Chuck is not in love with Emily; he’s in love with act of going to the park. Just like he’s in love with your ability to retrieve rawhide bones. He’s a user, man. But I love him anyway.

    Why are we good girls always attracted to bad boys?

  • Paula

    Mmm the scent of sharpies. Mmm Jon. Mmm I love Fridays.

  • I can live with Eddie Rabbit. Anything’s better than Two Tickets Two Paradise.

  • THANK YOU AMANDA, the stupid rainy song is out and paradice is in!!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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