the smell of my desperation has become a stench


  • Pierce

    2004/12/18 at 5:35 am

    How confused looking.

  • R

    2004/12/18 at 5:35 am

    mmm yummy…splendid photo

  • Ilva

    2004/12/18 at 5:35 am


  • Laura

    2004/12/18 at 5:35 am

    cute! first?

  • Lori

    2004/12/18 at 5:36 am

    Heather, thanks for making everyone’s day every day!!
    What a cutie!

  • kEma

    2004/12/18 at 5:37 am

    What is she holding?
    Yummm Leta

  • jes

    2004/12/18 at 5:37 am

    “Mom, are you sure this is okay for me?”

  • Amy

    2004/12/18 at 5:37 am

    I think you have the most precious smoochiness in the world.

  • Sarah

    2004/12/18 at 5:38 am

    She is so adorable! But is that Equal in her other hand?

    “It takes 5 packets of Equal to get the sweetness of 1 packet of Splenda…”
    …and there isn’t enough sugar or sugar-substitutes to equal the sweetness that is Leta.


    2004/12/18 at 5:39 am

    Sweet! (Splenda AND Leta!)

  • KellyH

    2004/12/18 at 5:41 am

    When she gets a little older, you can entertain her while eating out by pouring little piles of sugar on the table and letting her eat it off her fingers. You do end up with a terribly sticky child, but if you get to eat in peace, it’s worth it! (Trust me, the day is coming when a spoon and perhaps a straw will NOT entertain her for more than .25 seconds.)

  • Martha

    2004/12/18 at 5:42 am

    I can’t see the photo 🙁

  • Martha

    2004/12/18 at 5:42 am

    oh wait, now I can. cute.

  • Tracy

    2004/12/18 at 5:55 am

    Ooooooh angel baby! I love that expression on her face: “Whah? Huh? Mom?”

    tee hee

  • Danielle

    2004/12/18 at 5:59 am

    and she is even in her signature color. That ought to make _red_ happy. 😉

  • laura

    2004/12/18 at 6:00 am

    i think her impression says “the camera again? what is with all the photo taking? what are you doing with them anyway?”

    little does she know hundreds of people are watching. just wait til she starts school. she’ll be the local kindergarten celebrity!

  • Danielle

    2004/12/18 at 6:04 am

    I think her right hand in that position looks like the head of a turtle…

    … and it is coming to eat her chin.

    but got sidetracked by the splenda.

    (perhaps this is the pre-tea state talking, though)

  • Kano

    2004/12/18 at 6:07 am

    I hope this chump with the D70….gets a D100 for Christmas…..It will be so much easier for her to take pictures of me then.

  • lulu cornichon

    2004/12/18 at 6:11 am

    Her face is starting to look so kid-like! But she still has those snackable fat baby hands. What a sweetie.

  • PKD

    2004/12/18 at 6:16 am

    Were you even involved in Leta’s conception and birth? Apparently you just cloned Jon. Just photoshop a little beard on Leta.

  • Fran

    2004/12/18 at 6:16 am

    She looks so angelic…as always. We never see the screaming squawking Leta. So we only know her as angelic.

  • Bekah

    2004/12/18 at 6:19 am

    Her face is like, “What?” I’m guessing she stuffed that Splenda packet into her mouth right after this picture was taken.

  • Cora's Mommy

    2004/12/18 at 6:21 am

    I love her fat little wrist!

  • Fran

    2004/12/18 at 6:23 am

    PKD: yes, Heather was involved. It’s a scientific fact that babies look like their fathers when they are born to reassure the dads that they contributed the DNA to the making of that baby. Mom’s involvement is pretty obvious. Then DNA testing came about so woman could say for sure, “he my babydaddy.”

  • Fran

    2004/12/18 at 6:27 am

    Dooce, C means average, like the majority of people. But you’re A+ in my book. But consider the source. I too, have a C- in sanity but I’m doing extra credit work to better my grade.

  • bushra

    2004/12/18 at 6:27 am

    ah, so sweet!

  • nefariousqueen

    2004/12/18 at 6:30 am

    “what is this?! where are the keys?! i want the keys!”

    i’m just imagining lil’ leta screeching for your keys. 🙂

    and, they should bake buns in the image of her cheeks. they will so sell like hotcakes. 🙂

  • Anita

    2004/12/18 at 6:32 am


    I get the whole A+/C- quandry. I was a sophomore in college before I realized that if I didn’t get a 98 on a test that I wasn’t failing. Subsequently, I got a few B-‘s and even a C or two.

    However, I did ease up on the pressure on myself. And occassionally (and more often) could let myself have really dark thoughts/days/months and kinda realize, that’s just life. (My Mom couldn’t deal with me not being A+/sunny, but that was and still is her issue)

    As a colleague said in graduate school: B = Ph.D. (And I don’t mean that literally).

  • becca

    2004/12/18 at 6:33 am

    At first I thought she was holding Splenda in one hand, and a dollar bill in the other. I was like, “Aw, she’s paying for the fake sugar!”

  • Sue From Ohio

    2004/12/18 at 6:37 am

    I think she’s saying, ‘What’s this artificial crap? GIVE ME CANE, BABY!!!’

    What a little darlin’…

  • Gordon

    2004/12/18 at 6:40 am

    I am with Anita…so long as you don’t get below a D….you will be fine :).

  • tiffany

    2004/12/18 at 6:41 am

    Lately I can’t look at Leta without trying to imagine her with a beard. Did he grow it specifically so people could tell them apart? Cuteness all around. 🙂

  • LT

    2004/12/18 at 6:46 am

    waiiiiiiiit a minute… is she putting weight on her legs there?


  • TracyDee

    2004/12/18 at 6:51 am

    Sweet!!! 🙂

  • Colleen from NJ

    2004/12/18 at 7:02 am

    Leta: I got the Splenda. Where the hell is my Egg Nog Latte?

    I think sanity is like the exam for which you didn’t study and amazingly you ace.
    Or like when you run down the stairs perfectly until you start thinking about where to put your feet.
    Or maybe I’m just WRONG.

  • KT

    2004/12/18 at 7:12 am

    I think she is holding a jelly packet in the other hand.

    Am I last??

  • shy

    2004/12/18 at 7:14 am

    i see two bottom teeth! 🙂

    i was feeling like i was pulling an awesome A++ with the (mis)adventures of parenthood for the first time. but as christmas fast approaches and i have a million and one things to do, i’m quickly flunking to a big fat F in sanity. add an unusually whiney baby and that sanity plumpets even lower.

    the holidays are great but sometimes… well, they suck ass.

  • anne

    2004/12/18 at 7:16 am

    though nothing can bring back the hour/ of splenda in the hand, and glory in the flower/ we shall see leta’s growing mind/ in photo ops her mother finds.

    it’s fun to watch her grow.

  • Becka

    2004/12/18 at 7:21 am

    “Now, what happens if I sqeeeeeze this jelly packet really, really hard?”

    Sanity – I’ve had to get tutoring in this subject, which humiliated me, as a former little miss 4.0. But my tutor explained that the grade really doesn’t matter…it’s what you get out of the experience that does.

  • Lisa

    2004/12/18 at 7:24 am

    You know that thing people always say about its not being the grade that counts, but the learning? That always irritated me, but I can kinda see the point when there’s no actual diploma involved, be it a diploma from school or from therapy. When it comes to school I always wanted to get A pluses, too, but in things like boating, for example, I was just happy to keep from rolling too much to one side or going under. Insert even keel metaphor and all that for my psyche, of course….

    I suspect therapy is similar, but for a perfectionist (which I am) that is extra hard to accept. This may not be the situation for you–I am not diagnosing via the web, since outsiders’ points of view can be so ennervating sometimes. But I am thinking of you and hope you’ll do wonderfully, whether it’s in terms of therapy process or product/grade!

    Hugs to Chuck, Leta, and Jon.

  • ehle

    2004/12/18 at 7:31 am

    Does this mean someone can put pressure on her feet without the immensely popular SCREE-HEE-HEEMING?

  • Amanda B.

    2004/12/18 at 7:32 am

    Oh look at those little baby cheeks and baby hands!

  • LeChico

    2004/12/18 at 7:36 am

    it amazes me how quikly comments get posted here even on a saturday!

  • Kathleen

    2004/12/18 at 7:38 am

    Hmmm…methinks that expression tends to read “What, you mean I have to start my diet already?!?!?!?!”

  • Susie

    2004/12/18 at 7:41 am

    I think the lovely and amazing Leta is seated; isn’t that a chair back? I don’t think she’d be quite so tall if she were standing up on the chubby feet. However, what I really wanted to say is, The Cheeks. The cheeks melt my heart.

  • Erin

    2004/12/18 at 7:49 am

    As a mom of a 9,8 and 6 yr old…all I can say is TREASURE THIS TIME. It’s gone before you know it.


  • Autumn

    2004/12/18 at 7:59 am

    It amazes me how people race to be first.

    Anyway, cute. 🙂

  • Gia

    2004/12/18 at 8:16 am

    I can’t tell you how awesome those sugar packets are! Even at 4 years old my daughter is still entertained by them. It is a multi-purpose food.

  • dänika

    2004/12/18 at 8:17 am

    My future kids are going to be held to an awfully high standard of cuteness. LETA, YOU ARE ADORABLE.

  • Darcie

    2004/12/18 at 8:33 am

    Are you freakin’ serious about never making anything below a B+? Girl, that’s just not right.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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