the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Another futile attempt to adorn the child in headwear

  • Stacey

    2004/12/19 at 7:06 am


  • Jennifer in Kansas City

    2004/12/19 at 7:06 am

    woohoo! and it’s the hat I made for her! Great color on her, and note how well it stretches. 🙂 She can wear it for years to come, but only if she chooses to….
    Good luck with those teeth, too.

  • Janie

    2004/12/19 at 7:06 am

    Oh, so cute! Beautiful colors, too.

  • Jeni Reno

    2004/12/19 at 7:07 am

    Okay, she looks like she likes it.

  • Sarah

    2004/12/19 at 7:07 am

    Very Christmas-y, but also she kind of looks like an Irish paper boy!

    “If this hat doesn’t come off my head in 2 seconds, I am going to scream like you’ve never heard before, Woman.”

  • Liz in Iowa

    2004/12/19 at 7:07 am

    I just wanted to wish you, Jon, Leta, and Chuck a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year–you have taught me a lot about life since I started reading a year or so ago and I wish you the best in the coming year!

  • Rachel

    2004/12/19 at 7:09 am

    Aww, Leta is adorable. 🙂

  • brian

    2004/12/19 at 7:12 am

    hey colleen! beat you to the site!

  • Lisa S

    2004/12/19 at 7:12 am

    Gorgeous, as always

  • emersongeek

    2004/12/19 at 7:13 am


  • Marina

    2004/12/19 at 7:14 am

    Leta is looking so much older lately! Lovely, lovely child, Heather. You are doing a fabulous job.

  • Sarcastic Journalist

    2004/12/19 at 7:15 am

    so next time jon wants to know what he’d look like in a red hat….he’ll just ask leta.

  • Ali

    2004/12/19 at 7:16 am

    Awwww. Leta is so adorable. My mom showed your site to all her friends at work, Heather, and they think you’re absolutely hilarious. She especially thought the premarital sex/coffee thing was funny…and felt the need to repeat it like six times just to prove to me that it was just that funny.

  • Brooke from CT

    2004/12/19 at 7:17 am

    Look at those eyes! That green is amazing; the shirt really brings it out. Don’t worry, none of my girls took a liking to anything on their heads. Such a cute idea, but it was whipped off within seconds.

  • Jonna

    2004/12/19 at 7:20 am

    OMG, that’s a priceless glare.

    “Mom. I TOLD you not to put a hat on me. Why don’t you ever LISTEN?”

  • liz

    2004/12/19 at 7:21 am

    it looks like she needs a cheek bra.

    (that sort of sounds like an insult, but it’s totally not. it’s a lame attempt at humor. she’s abso-frickin-lutely adorable. happy sunday!)

  • Melissa R

    2004/12/19 at 7:24 am

    Yup, she is definitely the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. Although she’s looking pretty pissed off. Still cute though!

  • Nick In TaTown

    2004/12/19 at 7:26 am

    Are you at the mall?

  • Autumn

    2004/12/19 at 7:27 am

    Cute. Looks like she’s trying to pull it off though.

  • Moxie

    2004/12/19 at 7:29 am

    PETA wants to know how many Kermits pelts were used to make that coat.

  • Dr. Johnny Fever

    2004/12/19 at 7:33 am

    I don’t blame you, Leta. I wouldn’t wear that either. It looks like the devil’s yarmulke.

  • Gia

    2004/12/19 at 7:38 am

    Top ‘o the mornin’ to ye!

  • pismire

    2004/12/19 at 7:38 am

    I am really enjoying the color combo going on between the coat and hat. I am also enjoying the expression on Leta’s face that so poignantly reads: get this damn hat off my head NOW or suffer the consequences.

  • Shano

    2004/12/19 at 7:47 am

    She’s just stretching it out so that it fits when she’s older . . . Like 16 or so.

  • Andre

    2004/12/19 at 7:50 am

    It would be cool if you posted the photoshop files for download to some of these pictures because I love what you do with them.
    BTW: She is really cute, but I’m a guy and can’t really say that out loud :p

  • lulu cornichon

    2004/12/19 at 7:57 am

    Leta (through clenched teeth): Have I or have I not made it clear to you that there will be *consequences* for this kind of insulting behavior, Woman?
    That is all. I will now have a Cheerio.”

  • TracyDee

    2004/12/19 at 8:01 am

    Great hat! My boys would never wear hats when they were small. Now they wear ball caps everywhere.

  • Mrs.Stray

    2004/12/19 at 8:04 am

    Babies hate hats. Say it three times fast.

  • Becka

    2004/12/19 at 8:08 am

    “The hair! Mom, you’re messing my hair! I’ve finally *got* some and here you are covering it up and – forget it. I’m just gonna scream.”

    Does anyone else think that Leta looks like Liv Tyler? (who I think is beautiful, that’s s’posed to be a compliment.)

  • Susan

    2004/12/19 at 8:11 am

    hey dooce– you were mentioned in the new york times today:

  • Sharyn

    2004/12/19 at 8:15 am

    Adorable! Love the colors.

  • Tina

    2004/12/19 at 8:24 am

    Oh my God Heather… your girl is so sweet. I hope you and your family are sailing with peaceful wind this Christmas. Lots of kisses, guys…

  • Paula

    2004/12/19 at 8:26 am

    Leta seems to be saying “Im asking nicely now to take this hat off me before the screaming commences”. So adorable.

  • JulieT

    2004/12/19 at 8:31 am

    When she’s old enough that you can reason with her, you can explain that hats are STYLISH and that she will be considered COOL if she wears them (particularly if they’re made from cranberry-colored chenille).

  • dänika

    2004/12/19 at 8:34 am

    I want her coat. It looks so snuggly.

    Oh, and I love the colour of the hat.

  • Candice

    2004/12/19 at 8:35 am

    If Leta doesn’t want the hat, I’ll be happy to take it off your hands. 😀

  • Amanda B.

    2004/12/19 at 8:38 am

    Those smoochy cheeks are looking mighty frustrated with the whole hat scenario.

    I just watched part of Jessica and Nick’s Christmas thing. I can’t endorse it. And I can’t get those brain cells back either.

  • Karen

    2004/12/19 at 8:42 am

    Festive baby!

  • kEma

    2004/12/19 at 8:48 am

    I bet she is going to be a photo model! There’s NO other way, i swear!

  • termagaunt

    2004/12/19 at 8:49 am

    “How am I supposed to get this thing in my -mouth- if it’s -up on top of my head-??”

    I think she’s displaying highly advanced logic abilities… if she stretches it enough, she’ll be able to have the headwear and eat it too.

  • Erin

    2004/12/19 at 8:52 am

    J in KC – such beautiful work!

    And no surprise on the Leta’s hat issues, only 2 out of my 3 were willing to wear hats at that age. The other would rise to near violence when an adorable hat would approach his head!

  • John Sloas

    2004/12/19 at 8:54 am

    Yesterday we tried to take a f’n xmas picture with headgear on all three of our little one–stupid idea.

  • Truewillow

    2004/12/19 at 8:59 am

    Simply ADORABLE!

  • Shiz

    2004/12/19 at 9:09 am

    It looks like she’s thinking, “Mother, why did you DO THIS to me? Why? WHY?”

  • kristine

    2004/12/19 at 9:12 am

    Dooce, do you know stinking, filthy rich you could be?
    Go to Ebay, set up an account.
    Now just go about your daily life and slowly add things that you have taken pictures of that people have commented on that they LOVE.
    EBAY ITEM: George’s Harley shirt…may the bidding start.
    EBAY ITEM: Pig on a candy cane..
    EBAY ITEM: Empty M&M container
    EBAY ITEM: single socks
    EBAY ITEM: Chuck’s half eaten rawhide bones.
    EBAY ITEM: The horsey jammies that Leta wore in Dec…

    I swear EVERYONE loves SOMETHING from every single one of your pictures. You could make a killing.

    Your Rooster shoes, if put on Ebay, could actually put Leta through college.

  • hey paul

    2004/12/19 at 9:12 am

    wow, now that’s a great picture

  • Moon

    2004/12/19 at 9:15 am

    Salut. She looks like a little Parisian. She’s just too cute. And she looks a little peeved.

  • Melanie

    2004/12/19 at 9:16 am


  • Seajay

    2004/12/19 at 9:16 am

    How adorable. I do not envy you the sleepless nights you might have to endure due to the teething. My son who is seven and a half months got his first teeth a few months ago and now we’re suffering through the two tops ones coming in. I have no advice for you which most likely makes you very happy, I wish I could get some good advice that I haven’t tried already. Good luck!

  • JulieT

    2004/12/19 at 9:20 am

    I’m with Kristine on the eBay thing. Just imagine how much money you could get for the festive holiday pig from hell!!! You could start your own eBay store… “as seen on Dooce”.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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