the smell of my desperation has become a stench

In line to see Santa Claus

  • Cindy

    2004/12/22 at 4:56 am

    Such cuteness!!

    Happy holidays!!

  • Rebekah

    2004/12/22 at 4:57 am


  • stella

    2004/12/22 at 4:57 am

    what a sweet little muffin head!

  • teri

    2004/12/22 at 4:57 am

    I’m eager to see the “after” picture — did Leta sit on Santa’s lap?

  • honestyrain

    2004/12/22 at 4:57 am

    is there any way i cannot say it? that i APPEAR to be first. i am one of those who mock the i am first crowd yet here i bloody am. omg. i just turned into the people i most fear.

    maybe i’m NOT first after all. here’s hoping. fingers are crossed.

    lovely pic of you and leta.

  • Emmy

    2004/12/22 at 4:57 am

    Did you sit on Santas lap too?

  • Mandi

    2004/12/22 at 4:58 am

    Your daughter is beautiful! Cheers for not maiming/peeing on Santa!

  • honestyrain

    2004/12/22 at 4:58 am

    whew. nowhere near.

  • pao

    2004/12/22 at 5:00 am

    oh, what a pretty picture of mother and daughter. 🙂

  • Jay Dubya

    2004/12/22 at 5:00 am

    dooce, ya look a little less than thrilled

  • Cory

    2004/12/22 at 5:02 am

    So where is the fat man in the red suit anyways? I wanna see Leta ripping his glasses off to stuff them in her mouth.

  • Bucky Four-Eyes

    2004/12/22 at 5:03 am

    Heather, are you shooting death rays at Santa with your eyes? For the good of mankind, please keep the safety on those eyebrows, lady!

  • Stephen McKenna

    2004/12/22 at 5:03 am

    This reminds me of the “Scared of Santa” link I saw yesterday. Click on my Name to see it.

  • Rachel

    2004/12/22 at 5:03 am

    What did Leta think of the jolly old elf? She looks a bit perplexed in that shot. 🙂

  • Jennifer in Kansas City

    2004/12/22 at 5:04 am

    awwww. Nice to see you, dooce. *I* think you look like you’re about to smile. Did Leta ask for anything in particular? More Screaming Potion?

  • Mrs.Stray

    2004/12/22 at 5:05 am

    You look like you smell something stinky. Leta saw something that has caught her fancy!!!

    Babies are the best, even if they make you want to rip your hair out, and then tickle them with it.

  • mainer

    2004/12/22 at 5:09 am

    do you EVER smile girl? Sheesh, next picture should be you with a big old grin on your face.

  • Stephen McKenna

    2004/12/22 at 5:11 am

    You always look cute when you’re angry.

  • beachgal

    2004/12/22 at 5:13 am

    aww…wonderful picture of you and Leta. I passed on the trip to see Santa this year…my kid won’t realize it and it won’t matter in the long run, in my opinion.

  • Molly

    2004/12/22 at 5:13 am

    Nice picture..
    And I think you ARE smiling.. It almost looks as if you are laughing to yourself about something else going on in line.. 🙂

    Happy Holidays..

  • Sarah

    2004/12/22 at 5:13 am

    Yeah, you do look pissed, but then again, who *wouldn’t* be annoyed waiting in line to see Santa with a bunch of stressed out adults and screaming kids??

    But yes, please Heather…I hope you intend to show us a picture of Leta eating Santa’s beard or farting on his lap. That would be sweet.

  • Lindsey

    2004/12/22 at 5:14 am


  • gardens grey

    2004/12/22 at 5:20 am

    You are both very beautiful!

  • LadyBug

    2004/12/22 at 5:20 am

    Lovely pic, and are those poisonsettias in the background the ones in yesterday’s pic?

    Dooce, your Thinking entry…oh. my. god. Cracked me up. But it kind of hit home too….Since I’m still breastfeeding, my son’s dirty diapers DO smell like my farts.

    Oh dear. I fear I’ve overshared again……But that’s what it’s all about here at, right? Not the sharing, so much as the OVERsharing.

  • liz

    2004/12/22 at 5:20 am

    it looks like Leta’s radar has locked on to your zipper pull, and it’s doom will be to spend eternity (or at least the next 30 seconds) in her mouth.

  • closet metrosexual

    2004/12/22 at 5:21 am

    She’s got your eyes
    (She’s got my nose
    Oh, and I get high
    just watching her grow…)

    Bad pop radio earworm. Shoot me now.

  • Sheryl

    2004/12/22 at 5:23 am

    This is cute – you both look winsome. The maiming must have been backstage.

    Honestyrain, I cauterized my sinuses reading your post. In the same situation you were in a couple of weeks ago, I just closed the browser and came back later.

    The part that made me laugh was that the “I’m first!” Folks take an awful rap – but one of the reasons they can be first is their brevity and sense of purpose. If we stop to consider what we want to say or how we feel about being first, then the point is moot. In my case, I imagined hearing a million clicking mouses in furious near-unison. And it scared the breakfast out of me.

    P.S. I also empathized with them for a second and imagined it being like when the kids in olden days were waiting for the pony express. Knowing about where and about when the latest news from that alternate universe will arrive.

  • Brian from LI

    2004/12/22 at 5:26 am

    There’s something about the look on Leta’s face that just screams “mouth… NOW!”

    Perhaps the person next to you with the furry coat. …chomp….

  • red

    2004/12/22 at 5:27 am

    awe, arent you pretty. red’s a good color on you!

  • liz r

    2004/12/22 at 5:27 am

    this is by far one of the cutest pictures of Leta I’ve seen yet, and who’s that with her? Her big sister? Dooce…you’re looking way too young in this picture to be Leta’s mother.

  • RazDreams

    2004/12/22 at 5:31 am

    I’m *first*…to say that I think Leta’s wearing pink yet again!!! But she’s still lookin’ oh-so-much like Jon. And Heather, you’re such a pretty person – inside and out. Even when you say “fuck,” “fart,” and “poop.”

  • Sue From Ohio

    2004/12/22 at 5:35 am

    The way the shadow is cast diagonally on your face, it looks like you’re giving the Merry Old Elf (or MOE) an evil ‘I want to kill you’ look…BAHAHAHAAA I can’t wait to see the pic of Leta on his lap!

  • Dyanna

    2004/12/22 at 5:37 am

    Leta’s cheeks are soooo edible!!!!! EEE!

  • Stephanie

    2004/12/22 at 5:39 am

    Very cute. Hope her Santa pictures turned out better than ours! We had to have had the WORST pictures EVER!!!!!!

  • ninotchka

    2004/12/22 at 5:39 am

    geez, can y’all just back offa dooce? i wouldn’t last a week if i had a slew of relative strangers analysing the nuances of my facial expressions. love the leta, love the pigtails, don’t care whether you’re smiling, frowning, constipated, angry or perplexed. i’m glad you’re all well, and i wish you a very merry christmas.

  • kEma

    2004/12/22 at 5:39 am

    NOw her hair looks blong. What is going on?

  • kEma

    2004/12/22 at 5:40 am

    NOW her hair looks blond. What is going on?

  • Janie

    2004/12/22 at 5:42 am

    You match the poinsettias perfectly. You planned that, right?

    Love the expression on Leta’s little face.

  • the niffer

    2004/12/22 at 5:42 am

    The expression on Leta’s face is priceless. I wonder what’s caught her eye off screen?

    Stephen, “Scared of Santa” is awesome. I’m surprised there are only 43 photos. Santas must get quite the complex.

  • Emily

    2004/12/22 at 5:43 am

    You both look adorable!

  • Scott

    2004/12/22 at 5:44 am

    Great picture. I like what you did witht the hue. Red all around for everyone and Dooce is paying.

    I love the “What the hell was I thinking? Everyone in this line needs to die a slow horrible death. Especially you, fat man. Die. Die…” look on your face.

  • Laura C.

    2004/12/22 at 5:49 am

    Dooce, I’m glad to see that you’re not smiling…we’re all about natural goodness around here, and who stands in line grinning at the wall, anyway? That’s right…NOBODY!

  • closet metrosexual

    2004/12/22 at 5:52 am

    All that sweetness and beauty, Jon is a very blessed man.

  • Wendee

    2004/12/22 at 5:52 am

    I love to look on your face and Leta is beautiful as always!

  • Carol

    2004/12/22 at 5:53 am

    I like that you are actually in the picture. All of our pictures are either my kids or my husband and my kids.

    Stephen McKenna (#13). Those are priceless. Made me laugh. Some of those Santas were ho-ho-horrifying.

  • Candice

    2004/12/22 at 5:59 am

    Even though you look like you’re waiting for the bomb to drop, I think that’s a really nice picture of you.

    This is going to sound really horrible, but I like how Leta looks oh-so-slightly cross-eyed in that picture, too. (I know! I’m sorry!)

  • dänika

    2004/12/22 at 6:01 am

    You two are beautiful.

    Glad the poisonsettias didn’t get you. 😉

  • Fish

    2004/12/22 at 6:02 am

    Dooce: Did you know when you got dressed that day that you’d be perfectly camoflaged? Now I’m wondering if you actually ARE in the picture from yesterday …

  • Jenie

    2004/12/22 at 6:05 am

    You both look beautiful! I was hoping we’d get to see a Leta and Santa pic! Can’t wait to see it!

  • Em

    2004/12/22 at 6:05 am

    Leta looks hypnotized by your zipper. No pics of her with the big hairy man?

    This is great thing of kids with Santa:

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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