An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Attack of the Holiday Hair

  • Dooce- your features are really striking. The hair…well apparently you have fulfilled Jon’s life long Princess Leia fantasy.

    Fish- Gilmore Girl’s and now Dooce’s hair. Poor DL, she has no idea how metro you are does she? 🙂

  • Very Marlene Dietrich.

  • LMAO @@ The Husband.

    Curler Hair = Boohbah

  • Michelle

    HEE! I chi-ironed my honey’s shoulder length curls and came out with mid-back length 1980’s ROCKER hair. HE HATED IT, but it let me trim it straight. It was the first time I hed been able to run my hands through his hair, and umm…yummy!! Flowing Vince Neil hair…Then we….

  • Marie

    That hair-do reminds me of mine in the mid-70’s. My mom would put the pink sponge-rollers in at night, and the next morning, VOILA! Anyway, that’s the image that came to mind when I saw your hair. And Jon, you ARE funny! 🙂
    Glad that Leta didn’t freak out like she did on Santa’s lap!

  • I am having flash backs of Medusa from Clash of the Titans

  • That is lovely. I have those bright ideas sometimes too and they never work out for me. I look like I stuck my finger in an electric socket.

  • You know, if you had pink and orange eyeshadow up to your eyebrows and a little red-lipsticked geisha mouth, I bet that look would be totally Fashion Forward.

    And by Fashion Forward, yes, I mean scary.

  • Zach

    Ha ha ah aha! I’m sorry, but dem curls be outta hand.

  • Sorry for breaking lockstep here, but I think it has the potential to look pretty cute. Sorry…I came of age in the big hair era, and every day when I pull my hair straight, I miss the bigness of days gone by.

    (Who else used to keep a big can of hairspray in their high school locker? 😉 )

  • Laura

    I, too, have learned to fear the power of the curlers. When I got married (Jan. 2001) I somehow decided I might want to hot-roller my hair (shoulder-blade-length, basically straight) for “a different look” at the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner. Thank $DEITY I test-drove it first. My hair sproinged up to just above my shoulders. It looked like I was wearing a poodle as a hood. Just Say No!

  • You look totally ready for a vicious cat fat at the local WalMart for the last blue Boobah. “Honey, if’n ya’ll dun drop dat der Boobuh I’m fixin to make ya’ll feel like ya’ll got the vapors!” Reeeeeow! Pfffsssst!

  • cat fight. not cat fat. although Grafield is sort of cool.

  • My mother used to make my hair look like that on purpose for my gradeschool/dance pictures. It drives me nuts now because now my kids will think I looked like a poodle.

    Portraits are supposed to capture how you actually looked at the time, not how your mother dolled you up to look like a freak. They should capture the real you, not the real you with a poodle on your head.

    Sorry about that. I’m still bitter.

  • I’ll stop trying to type now. Damn Nyquil.

  • Kimberly- do you remember the days when we all teased and curled our bangs into this insidious claw thing? That was awesome.

  • OMG, the claw bang thing. I had a friend who used to tease hers so they stood up straight. We measured the claw once and it stood 5 inches high.

    I so do NOT miss the 80’s.

  • Yeah, Amanda, but did you guys do the advanced, *two-layer* claw of bangs? Where there’s the vertical claw _and_ the horizontal claw?

    Now there’s a hairstyle. I still see it occasionally.

  • Yes lulu, exactly! I’m amazed that I have any hair in the front of my head after all of that abuse. Who came up with that crap in the first place?

    Scott- twelve steps bebe, twelve steps…

  • lol! You know a hairstyle has gone wrong when you find yourself hairspraying the backside of your bangs.

    Mine never reached 5 inches, but it did used to brush the roof of compact cars.

  • That hair TOTALLY reminds me of a church choir concert I sang in (well, lip synced in – they wouldn’t actually ALLOW ME TO SING) in 1987. I have naturally curly hair, and Mom (of 1960’s Southern Big Hair Heritage) decided I needed it rolled as well. Hide the Aqua Net! Dooce is curled!

  • trucmuche

    Hu-ho… Watch out 2005!

  • amelia

    You look like one of the original Charlie’s Angels… You are so retro!

  • Dee

    And make-up too…wow!

    Try the larger Velcro rollers Heather.

    Personally, I like the messed up big curl look!

  • I dont see what’s wrong with Heather’s hair in that picture… my hair looks like that every day, except its natural. 😛 Okay, I’m kidding, the hair looks almost ‘flock of seagull-y’!

    And Jon, you would GRR if Heather was BALD – and that’s why we all love you so much!

  • Amanda B – I’d be lucky if I could make it two steps without face-planting with all the Willy Wonka candies and elephant tranquilizers running through my system.

    “The Claw” is rad! My yearbooks are nothing but various studies of abstract claw hair art. Just don’t get me started on my bleached skater bangs at the time. WTF?

  • beachgal

    I like the picture, whether you like the hair or not. My hair is in an uproar now, too. I just got my shoulder length, curly permed hair cut in layers, and I must blow dry it every day. I haven’t had to use a dryer on my hair in forever, so it’s taking some time to get used to doing it. And SUCKS!

  • Amanda/Lulu – I remember those days too. Windproof tunnel tested, bulletproof hair. Hair so damn big you couldn’t get a sweater on over it. But it wasn’t manly to use a curling iron, so I’d have to blow dry it while twisting the brush through it, slooooowly. I miss those days.

  • Robyn

    Well, if “the husband” thinks it’s sexy, then I say go for it! If it will make you feel better, just throw black cloths over all the mirrors in your house like they do for a Jewish wake.

  • amelia

    With that hair I expect to hear a big southern accent. Come on dooce, let us hear it…

  • I can totally see you dressed up like two things:

    First a flapper from “Throughly Modern Millie”

    Second, Shirley Temple singing On the GooD Ship Lolly Pop twisting your index finger into your dimples!

    Rock the fro, Dooce!

  • Um, wow. It’s…different. Very brave, but curlers are evil and must be destroyed.

  • Now how can you not crack a smile with that ‘do? 😛

  • Dazed & Confuzed

    Ya gotta love hair that’s a-bouncin’ and behavin’. Nice job, Heather! I hope 2005 finds you, Jon and Leta healthy, happy and full of the same incredible wonderfulness that is Dooce.

  • Holy shit.

  • The only way to go with those things is to take them out one millisecond after you put them in. Then it’s only a little curly and it doesn’t have the chance to go all Shirley Temple on you.

  • My fav guy look was the Feather…and Spray. Now Feather…and quickly…Spray.

    Julie- howdy!

  • Funny how straight-haired girls curl their hair for the holiday and curly-haired girls straighten theirs.

  • I actually think it looks really cool, sorta punk-rock 1920s screen siren.


    it’s kinda cute.

  • Hey there! Last night in cruising your site I found that you live in Mississippi!!! I spent high school in Memphis. I’m glad there are some former southerners here.

    Beachgal, I feel for you… there’s nothing worse than inadvertently doing something to your hair that triples your getting-ready time. You’ll get used to it. Thank God it grows, right?

  • Jess

    Long time listener, first time caller…

    I especially like how we get the view from both sides. The left side of your hair looks like it has potential, but lordy…the right side almost appears to be 80s feathered in a very sticky-outy way. It’s kind of a gravity-defying feat, really. I try this about once every 18 months thinking that perhaps – PERHAPS – this time I’ll get it right and it will look fabulous, forgetting that my hair wouldn’t even take the perms that my mom favored in the 80s. And alas, I haven’t gotten it right yet, but as luck would have it, I’m late for work already and time is too short for a do-over. The upside to this look, however, is that you could’ve thrown on an ornament or two, and really captured some holiday spirit.

  • I just noticed both Google ads are for Hot Curlers. Teehee

  • christy

    Whoa! That’s flippy!

  • What is it about curlers that make hair go all horizontal like that?? They never work for me and are just a great big pain in the ass I tell ya. I say go spiky for the New Year.

  • Cristin

    As a child, my hair was very straight, even resisting curlers. My mom would try with those pink foam curlers too, and every time we would pull them out in the morning, and as soon as a comb went anywhere NEAR my head – straight hair returned.
    Now, tho, my lurking curly hair gene has made itself known. My mom and sis always had gorgeous ringlets. With each of my two kids, my hair took on more curl (the wonder of hormones!) At first I was straightening it daily, because it took a while for the hormoned hair to stop looking like a grown out perm.
    The first day I actually went to work without straightening my hair, my eldest girl, then 4 pointed at me and laughed. I asked her what was so funny and she giggled and said…

    “Mom, you forgot to make the curls go away today!”

  • i would sell a kidney to be able to “experiment” with my hair with anything more than a new brand of shaving cream or a freshly lubricated clipper.

  • Mein Gott im Himmel!

    There be HAIR HERE!!!

    That looks like that sexy bed hair that straight guys are so into.

    You go grrrl! :op

  • Jess again…

    And also, meant to wish you, Jon, Leta and of course Chuck the best of the new year.

  • sab

    I think it looks great! Happy New Year Armstrongs!

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more