An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Attack of the Holiday Hair

  • Now, that is some LARGE hair. You don’t look any too happy about it. Might be fun to put on some leg warmers, shoulder pads, acid-washed denim and a DeBarge record, though, just to complete the mood.

  • victoria

    Taking a break from my vow to abstain from leaving pervy & stalkerish comments:

    I think her hair looks really cute.

    Also I join those voting for another photo-essay on the life of Heather’s hair.

  • sam

    Personally, I can’t WAIT until tight-rolling jeans comes back. THAT was a look that was flattering on everyone!

  • sam

    OH BABY! I just did it and IT LOOKS AWESOME!!

  • Wow… Nellie Olsen hair ROCKS.
    To tell the truth, that’s what my hair looked like on my wedding day. No shit! My husband hated it. I hated it. That’s what happens when you get your hair done in NJ.

  • I was totally going to curl my hair this morning, but I think it’s shorter than yours & would even be more afro-y. Plus I realized I didn’t have a curler. Hmm.

  • Dooce, I read that, and I hope I didn’t offend. You should see how crappy I look right now. My hair hasn’t been combed or cleaned in many moons. At least your hair is clean.

  • Dooce, I _hate_ when people suggest putting the baby to bed later to make him/her sleep later. That is total and complete crap. It never, ever works. My girls are 7 1/2 and 6, and they STILL won’t sleep in, no matter WHAT time they go to bed.
    Okay, so I’m a little bitter.

  • BTW, just so you know, I was talking to Amanda before… not Dooce. How stupid would you people think I was posting something like that only a day after the “Great Salt Lake” photo.

  • Oh, and on the topic of hair…
    The internet mourns as the days of _Fussy_ growing out her hair come to an end:

  • stacy

    Dooce, you had the southern hair thing happnin’ on you wedding day, too. I ain’t hatin’; I’m sure I’ll have some god awful updo seeing as how I live in Texas. How’d you get the ringlets under control on that day? Have you lost all authority over you hair since Leta? Damn kids, they have power over everything.

  • Poor tired parents. Maybe we’ll stick with our pets for a bit longer…they let us sleep in. 🙂

  • I haven’t slept well in 6 years. Damn kids.

  • Not to get all Librarian on your ass but the book your referring too is: “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” by Eric Carle
    Very rad book, btw.

  • BigGay- I’m not sure that is “exactly” the bed head look all us stright guys like. I really can’t say anything as a former mullet wearer and skater bangs bleached orange. Oh yeah. I rocked. Everyone bust out the Member’s Only jackets now.

    JulieT – Good Morning!

  • amelia

    Just wait until Leta has a bed and can get in and out at her pleasure. That is a whole new set of issues to ponder on….

  • GLAM~ seriously… love it!

  • Jess

    Speaking of mullets, have you ever visited And did any male here ever perm the back of the mullet so as to accomplish “power curls”? My brother-in-law had that style in the 80s, and I’ll tell you what…it’s something to see. He was the Big Man on Campus in so many ways.

  • Red Bull give you WINGS!!

  • Cristin

    oh man, remeber that particularly annoying noise of parachute pants-wearing legs rubbing together? EEEEEEK !

  • My youngest ATE THREW the board book copy of the Very Hungry Caterpillar. There are bites taken out of the pages and the binding is completely gone because she ate it.

    Very hungry indeed!

  • ATE THROUGH even. If I’m gonna use caps, I should at least spell the damn thing right.

    Oh for the love of G-d I can’t freaking spell. Sorry about that.

    Damn it. I was an English major once. Unfortunately, they don’t require you to take spelling tests in college.

  • Christin-
    The official name were ‘Worley Wraps’
    Dear god, why do I know this?
    I don’t care I kick ass at “The 80’s Game”
    I think it’s because I still have feathered hair. no. kidding. sort of. it’s still to big for 2004. I swear i blow dry my hair and i start channeling farrah facet or something.

  • Scott- exmulleters are awesome.

    Does anyone remember those shirts that would change color with body heat? What about Z. Cavaricci pants that came up to teet level. Ahhh…those were the days.

    Although I have to admit…i like teet level pants better than the ass crack pants of today.

  • Whoops, forgot to change my name back from yesterday. blush.

  • George Lover

    anyone else worried about the Google ad “Escape the Planet Urine”?

    Good luck with the teething.

  • Wayne er..Amanda!
    OMG, I had BOTH of those articles of clothing!! I had black and acid washed Z cavs!! Ohhhh bring back the 80’s!!!!

  • George Lover

    My big memory of the 80s is putting eyeliner on the inside of my eyes. Y’know, the space between the lower lashes and your EYEBALL. Really hygienic, and oh so fetching.

  • GL:
    Doing that with teal eyeliner.


  • Cristin

    eeeeeew yes! and it was LIQUID eyeliner!

  • so did you go with it or did you wash it out and start over?

  • Jess

    What about colored mascara? Hot.

  • Kahli

    On the hypercolor shirts:

    I was just starting to get little boobs when the hot shirt revolutionary technology came out and my lavendar shirt turned hot pink on my shoulders and in two very uncool circles on my chest.

    Lame, lame, lame. But I so wish I had one now because I would find it funny and not mortifying.

    Hi everybody!

    Heather, I kinda think it looks verrah sassy and sexy and well, I’m with The Husband on this one.

  • That’s it, i’m digging out the old pictures. I don’t think ANYONE here can beat my 80’s hair pictures.
    If I can find one where I am wearing the z’s and the blue mascara, i get bonus points!

  • Ali what?

    Happy (Almost) New Year Dooce!

  • I remember blue mascara! And CLEAR mascara. And leg warmers. And Olivia-Newton-John-Let’s-Get-Physical sweatbands. And acid-washed jeans. (And sam, if you really did tight-roll your jeans this morning, I think I love you a little. You know, in a platonic, internet-y sort of way.) And Oscar de la Renta skirt sets with the inside-out seams. And blue eye shadow. And huge, I-stood-against-a-wall-and-sprayed my-bangs-in-this-position, feathered hair. And…
    Sigh. Good times, good times…

    Uh-oh. Does all this nostalgia mean I’m getting (gasp) old??

  • Bolo ties. KSwiss. Mood lipstick. Swatch. AAAAAAAAAgh.

    Poor Dooce, she’s probably all “hey, my hair’s not that gd bad!!” snort.

    Our aquatic friend is feeling blue. 🙁 Give him some lovin’ please.

  • crazy hair…scared…

    If anyone’s looking for pantene curls, try a light app of spray gel and a big curling iron. I got some wonderful Charlie’s Angels curls out of my difficult, often-frizzy, sometimes-flat, typically-wavy, waist-length long hair doing that.

    And I thank GOD I never got into the claw bangs thing. Yes, I might have been a social outcast b/c of it at the time, but all MY high school pics look normal. ha!

    I do admit to having used green mascara though. And liquid eyeliner. I was the liquid eyeliner pro…could put it on in the back of a school bus! Ahh, the good ol’ days. not!

  • Paula

    the hair doesn’t look that bad actually, but what is up with the bright pink blush? yeow!

  • Emily

    SWEET LORD!!!!!

  • victoria

    Princess Diana had the inner-eye-edge eyeliner thing going on until she died in the mid ’90’s . . . .


  • Dooce said, “naughty Boohbah things to the tools of his proceduring.”

    Gah! I can’t stop sickering.

    P.S. you’re purty

  • and when I say sickering I mean sNickering.

  • George Lover

    Dooce, I think the holiday make-up goes with the holiday ‘do. For a gal who doesn’t often wear much/any make-up, it looks very festive on you. (And Jon, is it the hair/make-up combo that has you, er, reacting?) Was there a holiday outfit too? I think it’s a fun look.

  • Okay, click my name, it will take you to my blog where I have posted….the freshman year picture. Let the teasing begin!!
    lol. I think I was wearing liquid eyeliner…ALL OVER THE PLACE!

  • George Lover

    OMG, Kristine, that is hysterical! Thanks for posting it!!

  • Dooce, I think it’s so funny and sweet that Jon’s geekocity (geekery? geekness?) is such an aphrodisiac to you. You two make such a sweet couple.

  • the sad thing is…that’s ME. That’s not some f*ed up picture I found after googling for “Serious 80’s hair”!!!

  • Not about the hair, about the early waking: Put her to bed earlier. Defies logic, but so much of this parenting stuff does. May not work for you, but you might get a chance to boobah in the evening, and then get to boobah in the morning. After you pee of course.

  • you never smile in the photos you take…?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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