An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

I know it’s a little late, but…

  • A reader

    Love your site

  • twaci

    star spangled santa?

  • dude, that’s sick!!!

  • Kellie

    So I know I’m not first, but I’m awfully early!
    Santa looks buzzed.

  • I feel like I should salute or something…

    I love the way the blue of his eyes matches the blue of the flag.

    Another great picture from Dooce! Woo!

  • Hell yeah Santa is an American. We’re his number one source of royalties.

    poo poo
    I’m gonna be near the top of the list.

  • kari

    I pledge allegiance to the flag….

    Love your site!- hooked on it!

  • Go, Santa, Go!

  • SEK

    That’s wonderful! I love it.

  • Marie

    Me too, Dooce, me too. That’s GOT to be part of Grandmommmie’s collection, right?

  • He is SO not messing around with you terrorists.

  • Lala

    SAAAANTA!

  • Hey, wait, I thought Santa lived at the North Pole. When did the US annex that?

  • joy

    Are those Statue of Liberty spikes in his hat?

  • patriotic santa…SCORE!

  • Zanna

    I have several friends who spend a lot of time with me in the backcountry. Many of those friends cannot shit if there isn’t a proper toilet…they cannot shit in the woods. I can’t imagine the pain. Plus, who wants to hike and ski with all that extra weight…for DAYS!

  • Ashley

    …I KNOW HIM!!!

  • My Santa, ’tis of thee
    Sweet man of gift-er-y
    Of thee I sing…

  • Red suit–red state,

  • Carol

    I don’t quite know what to say about that one, so… good morning!

  • Southern fried girl

    Thank God Santa is a patriot. It is now only a matter of time before the Republicans say he is one of theirs.

  • e

    That is the strangest santa figurine I’ve ever seen!

  • Em

    Well, thank GAWD. I was worried he was a Pagan (like me!)

  • Is this a prelude to a glimpse of the doob-tokin’ Santa you teased us all about?

  • I am work pooper. By the love of Santa and all things American, I pledge my allegiance to my GOD GIVEN RIGHT (Take that, France) to poop in the workplace.

  • A very resigned looking Santa. I just drove for an hour and a half with my boss. Need drugs. Send help.

  • You’d think that if someone were going to co-opt the American flag for their personal ho-ho-ho agenda, they’d at least go to the trouble of putting the correct number of stars and stripes upon it!

  • zeenes

    oh that is HILARIOUS! I had no idea. is he also a card-carrying Republican?

  • Annie

    I AM A WORK POOPER ! Yesterday in the bathroom at work (2 stalls) my neighbor let out 2 great farts. I wanted to say “YAY LUCY, nice farts, you’re my kinda girl”. Would that have been inappropriate?? I’m 43. Farts are STILL funny.

  • kim

    Re the poster who said “they’d at least go to the trouble of putting the correct number of stars and stripes upon it!”
    Maybe he’s not the Santa of America, but …”OF FRANCE!”

  • my mom woudl love that. she might even have it. she has a whole family room with a patriotic/americana theme and at christmas, it turns into the patriotic santa/snowman room.

  • I didn’t know Santa was on the flag team in high school. He must not have made the cheerleading squad. I kind of feel sorry for him. I mean look at his face. It’s heart wrenching.

  • Annie — I dunno? Was it really Lucy in the stall next to you?

  • Patriotic, yet stressed looking Santa. Glad he’s on vacation for a while.

    great pic Dooce!!!!

  • shy

    this picture is almost obscene.

  • that is eerie. it scares me so.

  • I knew Santa liked America best. Screw all those foreign kids, I say!

  • yeah, father christmas = uncle sam. it’s all one big happy family.

  • I think that’s mistletoe affixed to his hat. He’s all, “C’mere an’ give Santa a KISS! Mwah!”

  • I like how Santa has a tree growing out of his head.

  • kate

    i poop at work. multiple times each day. i’m a frequent pooper. and i’ve been known to “reach my peak” in 20 seconds. part genentics, part a VERY talented husband.

    i lead a very charmed life 🙂

  • Carol

    I wonder if Santa poops at work?

  • Like – in your fireplace? Ewww.

  • I figured out why so many stars and stripes. It’s a fervent hope that between Santa, Bushco and Gawd, we can annex just that many more countries, you know, those pesky ones that don’t know any better, and get them to be auxilliary states. Hey, Pal, why the hell not? Yer either with me or agin’ me! We gotta educate ‘n’ democratize ’em. It’s in the Bible….an Santa said so.

  • Carol

    I was thinking North Pole. But… well.. it is called a Yule Log.

  • erin

    I just wanted to say thank you for standing up for normal women everywhere! Also, I still can’t quite wrap my head around how people who don’t poop in public places make it through life, at least comfortably. Last but not least – I couldn’t stop saying Of France!! yesterday; you have invaded my life, dooce, and I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂

  • robin

    It’s a fine line between patriot and candy cane.

  • Tiff

    think they make Jesus statues with the American flag too?

  • lilly

    Did Santa vote for Bush?

  • RazDreams

    i’m feelin’ a little ill without Da Fever here yet this morning. where be he at wit’ his jokes that make me spew my nose???

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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