An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Chris and Carol

  • there’s something wrong with my computer. i’m sure changed to a dork-esque masthead but now it’s back to the previous masthead? is it me?!

  • Katie-be-bored-at-work

    The story about A-1 steak sauce sounds eerily familiar, although I dated a guy who had more of a predisposition to Worcester sauce. I still can’t bring myself to open up a bottle of that sauce. As for the panty puppy, I think we all have been in the same boat, regardless of our love/fear of God. I once stole a really neat picture frame from TGI Fridays. It was actually a neat little thing that had clips on it to hold the various alcoholic beverage menus, but it kept calling out to me. It was perfect to clip little photographs into, and I just had to have it. The sad part is that my boyfriend was the manager of the store and he almost had a coronary when he came home to see the little picture frame, in its place of honor on the back of the toilet seat with our kid’s pictures in it. Hey, it matched the decor in the bathroom, what can I say? Heather, I love the picture of Leta with her hair pulled up like Pebbles Flinstone. My sister’s 2 1/2 month old daughter already has long enough hair for that, but my sister yells at me when I do embarrassing things to my niece. You can’t possibly give an infant a complex, can you? Dammit. What else are kids for?!?

  • Happy Valentine’s Day, my favorite dorkwads on the ‘Net!
    Go forth and shag someone you love, or at least, someone who makes thine loins tingle.

  • Yes, yes, happy valentine’s day. More importantly, I can see the numbers! This has probably already been celebrated by IE drones, but I haven’t had time to read the comments since the new template (which I love, by the way). Awesome! As is that picture of Leta. She reminds me somewhat of Pebbles. Flinstones, meet the flinstones… got to go!

  • Dork dork doooork, I love how you’re tormenting your kid with elastics! Keep on it! Yesterday I pulled a tooth from my kids mouth, that my friend, is truly fun.

  • Happy Valentine’s Day
    Enjoy the love.

  • Oh yeah! THanks La Pix, I had forgotten it was Val day. Oh man. Now I gotta drive the kids to school and buy the Valentines on the way there and fill them out in the car and then bring them into the school myself like a DORK mom.

    Just like last year. Hey, traditions are important.

  • Very nice couple, they even look alike.

  • nicola

    eeep omg the pic of leta is just gorgeous!!

    i remember my mum doing that to my sisters hair when she was little and it was adorable!!!

  • Henryk_ Mon @1904 Sydney time

    This pic quality is a little better than yesterdays!….but only just!

  • Tina

    Like the new looks of Leta and the website!

  • Jenn

    Dooce, I’m not sure if you read your comments, but my friend, Katie wrote this in her blog and I had to share so that she’ll kill me when she finds out.

    So ever since Jenn told me I “had to read” the other day, it’s all I’ve been doing. And I know you told me to read it because you think she’s funny, and trust me I do think she’s funny, but the only thing I think about when I read her is that I want to BE her. I want to marry her husband Jon because I think I love him just about as much as she does, and I want to have her baby Leta, who is the most precious thing I have ever seen. The way she talks about Jon makes me want to get married tomorrow. I feel like she’s the skinnier version of me, only because she’s tall (5’11) like I am (5’9-10) and I think the tallness makes us very much alike. (I am very demented). I also want to live in Utah now. I’ve never even wanted to visit Utah before, but now I want to live there? What the fuck. I think I need to take a Dooce break before I start calling myself Heather and wondering why Jon is late for dinner tonight, he’s usually ALWAYS home by 5:30. I sound horribly creepy now, but Heather, if you ever read this, I promise not to start stalking you and your precious family. Girl Scout’s Honor.

  • Yea Leta has joined the baby girl top-not society. Kudos to you for being able to actually put it in Leta’s hair yoursef. I can never hold my daughter down long enough to do get one in. Her daycare people have top notted her – on several occassions on the only day she attends. I always think they must be experts. One day they did it to her and I seriously wondered who was this baby wearing my daughter’s clothes it completely threw me!

  • I have been out of the country and away from your site since the end of January, and man, did I have lots of catching up to do. But I finally made it and am so glad I got to read about Leta’s first birthday, anal sex, TJ Maxx and you being both in the New York Times and on ABC World News Tonight (I’m just sorry I missed both of those thing). And now, at last, I get to see Carol. My world is complete.

  • I had to refresh to see the new masthead and the DORK. Looking good.

    While watching the Janis Joplin tribute…

    My mom said, “Melissa Etheridge looks pretty good with a bald head.” I said, “I was just thinking the same thing. Does that make us lesbians?” My mom answered with a straight face, “I’ve always said I was a lesbian.”

    silence. Then I asked, “Really?!” She said, “No, I was just pulling your leg.”

    My mom is too hip.

  • Okay slick it all to the top of her head, lots of gel then put a sponge roller in it. When it’s dry, she will look like a DQ Sundae. Hey my daughter is 13, and pictures of stuff like that are completely perfect torture.

  • stephen brinkman

    Just found your blog-very funny writing. Keep it real with your bits of fantasy, enjoyable! YVT Stephen

  • Beth

    Love that pic of Leta because it looks like she’s doing her own hair.


  • Playing with little girls’ hair is way too much fun. I’m with you: don’t cut it!

    Dang, I was going to leave a comment at your blog but, dang it, I’m not a blogger. Consider that a little whine with cheese. 😉

  • MamaPajama

    The Joplin tribute was great. Who was the blond in copper velvet?

    And the tsunami tribute, did that suck or what? can we sing on key?

  • Susie

    Oh, and I’d like to join in the dorkfest, too: yippee, I can see the numbers now! good times.

  • Hey, Christin, The other night Dang said “I solute you, madame” and I walked on air for the next two hours.
    I figure a “solute” is even better than a “salute”, which it looks like Leta is about to do in her picture. Either that, or her hair style got altered quickly.

  • Susie

    Yea, Melissa’s E’s ‘do is due to the chemo. Does she rock or what?

    dang, Dang! You’re a blogger. I woulda commented there but you wouldn’t let me! Good for you, taking the plunge. I forgot to say earlier that when I invoked your name re: the Neil Young tunes, I had to clarify to husband that you weren’t Vietnamese — your name, Dang, is — but then I thought, hell, he might be, who knows? But I allowed that your name is more of an expletive than a cultural statement. Funny. Happy blogging to you.

    btw, I felt much the same as you did re: Terri’s sad news, but left her a message here rather do what you did. I think it’s great that that experience inspired you to start.

    And re: the lovely Leta, I used to “pebbles” my girl’s hair, too. Nothing’s cuter than a gorgeous baby with a fountain of wispy hair spouting from the top of her head. What cameras were made for.

  • mg2

    Hey Heather, where were you when I needed someone to do my Prom up-do? How much do you charge for your handiwork, hot mama?

  • i am very jealous of the leta pony tail! i will have to wait for possible another year before charlotte has hair.

  • maggie

    I can see comment numbers now!! Very exciting, indeed.

    Anyway, Leta looks like she just finished putting up her hair herself in that picture and is checking out her handiwork. So cute!

  • Oh! And I can finally see comment numbers on this computer too! (My hubby’s Mac was my only saving grace for numbers before this day.)

  • Sweeeeeeeeet…a Joplin fan.

    Melissa Etheridge does have breast cancer and had surgery for it. Don’t know how long ago. I don’t know how well she’s doing as of now but I believe she’s still undergoing chemo.

  • I love the new masthead. And I love your daughter’s pictures.

    All I could think of when I saw that was little Pebbles saying “Bam Bam!”

    How cute.

    Love the Dork at the bottom of the page as well.

  • Oh! I forgot to say…LOVE the new masthead and design. (Did I mention I have comment numbers now?! Yay!)

  • Sarah M

    I can’t believe how fast she has grown up. It seems like yesterday i was reading about her at a few months old. Just what till that hair get’s longer 🙂

  • whome?

    I want to see the new design…

  • I have comment numbers now! The fact that my heart did a little dance when I first saw them probably means I need a life.

    That picture of Leta is adorable. I was just going through some pictures the other day and found…oh, twenty or so of my oldest daughter’s first ponytail.

  • Torrie

    I believe she has breast cancer.

  • O. M. G.

    Baldheaded Melissa Etheridge so.not.cute.

    I hope she doesn’t have cancer or anything.

  • Wondering how long Dangcold can hold that twinkie in his eye without saying ouch.

  • That chick singin the Joplin song Rocks.

  • Thanks Cristin and Laura. It is always nice to hear people say how cute your child is. She is our first.
    It’s nice to come here and read about Heather’s experience as a new parent. Mirrors a lot of what is going on in my house with our baby.

  • Oh my GOD, that is cute. I wonder how long she let her hair stay that way…

  • busted..

    Dang Cold.. started a blog..

    *Why didn’t you tell us?*

  • Another Heather

    I love how it says DORK at the bottom of the page. Now that shall be your new mantra. Dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork dork….


  • Another Heather

    My hair almost looked like that at my wedding…. too cute Leta!

  • Cristin said at 06:13PM, 02.13.2005:

    Dang, you never offer me cheese or wine.

    Awe Cristin I’m so sorry. I was just welcoming the new comer. What was I thinking???

    *Dang Cold reaches out and gives Cristin a warm supportive embrace with a twinkle in his eye. The two sip wine together and then separate*

  • crazy mom

    Uh-oh, someone’s got a fivehead…
    She’s definite model material!

  • koof

    waaaay too cute. i think leta has more hair than *i* do, and i’ve been working on it for more than a year. no fair!

  • I make my baby look like ‘Pebbles Flintstone’ ALL THE TIME!!! Try putting 1 out either side for the ‘Pippi Longstocking’ look…it’s great and people can’t stop from saying ‘how cute!’

    I’m finally able to SEE the numbers along the sides now…how cool. at least now, I know what I’ve been missing


  • Man! I don’t know how I missed the transition to Flikr on the main page. (by clicking on the photo of Leta, for anyone as clueless as I have been).

    I feel like I just got a present; how very nice.

    I just looked at all the photos and I love the ones of the wedding. There are some really beautiful shots in there. The curly pink hair is the best.

    very cool.

    and of course, now I see the 3 ponytails.

    Finally, there is a photo in there of Leta with her teeth showing that is just too cute.

  • I think Leta is looking at her hair thinking,
    “well, mom almost got it right. now i need me some manic fucking panic!!

  • Cristin

    heh heh Heather, the google ad is ‘Prada wear’

  • Laura C.

    Rich, your child ties with Leta for the title of Most Adorable Little Kid I’ve Ever Seen.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more