An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Chris and Carol

  • Dang Cold..

    Heather states in the comment below the pic that the photo was taken with Jon’s phone not the Nikon D70. The picture is clear but a bit more grainy than ones taken with her usual gear. Compare the two sweater colours in the photo above with the ones over at A profound difference! The colour and texture of Heather’s tongue is as clear as a mountain lake.

  • Dang Cold..

    and good afternoon all!! 🙂

  • Andrea in Canada

    Mrs.Strizzay…haha! Good one!:)

  • Ern

    Amanda B., you B hilarious!

    “drunken tacky yard-art collecting” HAHA

  • My God Woman, don’t you know what they do to women in prison in Utah?!

  • Ern

    Wow, I’ve never gotten in before the 50th comment before! I love weekends. 🙂

  • Romy…they show up perfectly clear here. The sweater color is brilliant. Hmm. Maybe your monitor is about to explode.

  • Dazed & Confused

    I can, with all honesty, say I’ve never stuck a bottle of A1 steak sauce up someone’s doopa while shoplifting a panty-puppy. Well…almost all honesty.

  • are these last 2 photos you’ve posted taken with the same camera you usually use? they’ve shown up fuzzy and with strange texture and color, at least on my browser. weird. or have you changed the resolution when you post them?

  • You did the right thing. Tipsy panty puppy stealing only leads to more hardened criminal behavior, like drunken tacky yard art “collecting”.

  • Oh, I wish it were that easy. I put him in the carseat and actually carried it around the house. And (oh I am so loathe to admit this…) I made car sounds.

    It’s now 12:30 here. He’s been up since 6:30. No nap in sight.

  • TexaRican

    Dooce pulling a Winona Rydder? Love it! I can just see the defense argument: “I was just researching women who shoplift pink panty dogs for my Blog…and I was on some prescription tequila, as well.”

  • I used to work at Old Navy. It’s so easy to shoplift from there, it’s disgusting. And they do sell pink fuzzy doggies for babies, and panties.

    NOT that I’m suggesting anything, y’know. Nope. No way.

  • In one of your “Photo” albums on this site, there are bunches of pix of Leta, and you wrote about one of them that – after you took it – you dipped her right thigh in barbecue sauce and swallowed it whole. The Google ads on that page of pix were “Heinz or W Ketchup?” and “Barbecue Sauce.” Priceless.

  • 37th!

  • Liar liar pants on fire! You didn’t take that with a Nikon D70! 😉

  • BAnd

    Did anyone notice that the current ad running for Google is for a Fart machine?
    Foot, foot, Faaaa-rt.

  • I used to work at a daycare center where the teachers would plead with children to use their words, and the result would be half an hour of high-pitched shrieking. Ow. Eventually their pleading worked- this one kid climbed onto the counter and answered a phone call intended for the director with the words “shit ass.”

  • Sweet piccy, and nice new masthead! I especially love the DORK at the bottom of the screen!!!

  • the new deep red is gorgeous.

  • I’ve found having friends who “know how to use their words” is a good thing. I like their sweaters – is either one handmade? (I’m guessing not, but it can’t hurt to ask….)

  • If your Victoria’s Secret is like mine, (which I’m sure it is) then the panty puppies (from the PINK! line) are on sale. I wanted one, but they were very very expensive (for a panty puppy).

  • Jordan, justtry bundling him up and putting him in his crseat. throw a blanket over the whole thing and rock the seat with your foot. He will so think he is going somewhere.

  • what’s that I hear?

    “mmmmmmmmmooofff! mmmmmmmoooof!”

    Heather, that Pantydog is calling you. Go save him. GO!

    It’s not stealing if it’s a rescue operation.

  • That poor puppy…

  • He’s almost 5 months. And on top of the early weekend rising, he doesn’t like to nap either because he’s thrown off of his weekday 9am drive-dad-to-work nap schedule.

    This morning I was seriously considering getting up, putting him in the car, driving to my husband’s work at nine and turning around and coming home.

    Next weekend I think I should just do it.

  • Be happy the pox has come to her now … I got chiken pox when I was 18. On the night of my Senior Prom. It lasted for for two weeks, most of which I spent in cool baths laced with baking soda.

  • Thank you Carol for all the Pink

  • dänika

    love the new masthead!

    when I get back to The City today, I’m going to have to go to Victoria’s Secret and check out to see it THEY have a pink pantied dog. I want to touch it.

  • Em

    The Carol and The Chris in The Big Gray Sweaters.

  • I think Carol would have felt far more comfortable in the VS than Chris did in the Sporting Good’s Store. I’m just sayin…

  • Ugghh, so sorry – how old? Ours is 10 months and we haven’t had to deal with that yet.

  • I do not want to thank my baby who got up at 8 am (instead of her usual 10) after my husband and I were up until 4 am after drinking some beer.

  • hannah

    aww, so cute.
    i love the new layout, i also love being near to first.
    and, sadly i am a shoplifter. but in my defence i was about six at the time, and i then felt so guilty that i put the money on the counter the next day. darn catholic guilt.

  • the niffer

    Love the colour! And the grainy carry-over from the cell phone photos, which kind of look like newspaper clippings that have been scanned.

    Too bad you didn’t get a photo of the pink panty puppy. He must have been pretty cute.

  • Good morning. Chicken pox? Dooce, I want to thank you for solving a problem we were having with nomenclature. We’ve decided that our daughter has a bottom system – it’s just so all-encompassing.

  • Andrea in Canada

    Yes, a mild case. She has been vaccinated thank GOD! She is up so much of the night, I can’t imagine if it were full blown pox!

  • E

    makes me miss mine! ( he is in Iraq:(

  • love the new colors… and how exciting to even be in the top twenty. thank you, baby who rises early on sunday!

  • Sweaters. Nice.

  • pd

    loving the story range here… babies one day, anal sex the next. wee waws all around!

  • Love the new masthead and footer.

  • This is the closest I’ll ever be to the top. Sometimes it pays to have an early riser who wakes by 7 am with no regard for weekends.

  • nice couple…and Carol u can stop clothing Leta we like her feet naked MORE


  • Pat


  • Wete they wearing matching sweaters? Precious!

  • Andrea in Canada

    I’m not really first…Pacific Coast time zone and first? Is it because I’m up with chicken pox gal super early?

  • J. Canuck

    What a cute couple!

  • Andrea in Canada

    OK I was third. Now I know why people get so darn excited tho…ok got THAT out of my system.

    Carol…thank you for keeping our Leta so beautifully clothed!

  • Bill

    wow, I’ve never commented before, but so close to the top…

    I like your website Heather, especially all things regarding anal sex… (actually that A1 thing was just slightly disturbing, but in a comedic way). Your dog is very dog-like and your daughter is beautiful, the picture you used for the last monthly newsletter where she was sitting on the changing table or something, wet I think, was especially so. Good luck, Bill

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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