An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Self portrait Wednesday is in da house

  • There have been some great, watershed moments in my life — my quinceanera, the birth of my kids, the first time I tasted Yoohoo — but none of them compare to today, the day I was quoted by Dooce. Thank you, Jesus. And thank you, Heather.

  • annabelle

    OMG Heather, that’s what I always do- pretend like I’m buying something for my man, and then buying my favorite kind of that something- and eating it all before he gets some. So I guess I’m an asshat.

  • Oh, hey — cool! Glad we could give you a grin as we pop a cap in some troll’s ass, Heather.

  • and here I was telling you guys not to tire out your fingers fighting the loser. I’ll keep my peace lovin’ ways to myself next time. Just call me General Macarthur from now on.

  • Michelle

    I wish I’d been able to have a Shiner with copy_kitty & crowd…although I would have settled for some real life valentine’s day chocolate. My sweetie ATE ALL MY CHOCOLATE. Not only did he get me HIS Favorite (Turtles – I prefer Truffles)…but then he ate a whole box in three days! Asshat.

    Next year he better do better, even if we both agree it’s a fake holiday! And I love the comments here – and knowing that Heather does read them!!

  • DAMN, I missed self-portrait Wednesday….nice pic Dooce….

  • Hey CM – I’m sure I missed a good convo last night!!

  • annabelle

    I really want a picture of newly mobile Leta today. Am starting to wonder why I care- have decided it’s just Okay.

  • minxlj

    LOL maybe we can hit 1000 comments today peeps! 😉

  • Peter – want a warm beer?

  • Looks like it is up to me (again) to clean up after the party. Chocolate crumbs everywhere, spilled drinks in the carpet, would it hurt you guys to wash a glass?, and WHAT were you doing on the couch that left those stains?

  • Cristin

    now, that IS getting kinda strange, that I actually thought about getting home to read the posts while I was out with the post-teacher-conference crowd at the bar! weird

  • Mike

    I just checked again….you are still pretty.

  • Cristin

    Oh man, I go out ONE NIGHT and I miss all of this?

    You guys ROCK.HARD.

    I have been sitting here since eldest’s bus left, laughing and getting , I’ll admit it, a little misty about the love in this area. We should hire all of you out to other sites as troll-busters. Now that she has posted it, Heather loves ya and your wagon-circling postings, but it would be kinda cool to incorporate and send y’all out into the rest of the NICE world, see how much damage you can inflict on nastiness.

    God, I missed y’all soooooo much.

  • I missed a troll and a big party…

    Good Morning, everyone.

  • BFE – thanks for that pic. Now my children are afraid NOT to brush their teeth.

    Dooce – I may be on here too much, Crazyboy just saw your picture and said, “Ma Ma!!”

  • New self-portrait (not really, but it IS gross):

    Girl.A, LadyBug — the picture’s workin’ now! Me smarter this morning than me was last night.

  • You-know-who…you keep saying the same shit over and over. It’s not working. You are not intelligent enough to emotionally manipulate Dooce or her “minions”. You are deranged and sad. Buh bye now.

  • you know who is an asshole

    are YOU a good mother?

  • I’m not going to read all the comments…apparently there’s more drama, but isn’t there always?

    Dooce, I did think you might appreciate this article (especially after reading last night’s post). I know it struck home with me. The title is “Mommy Madness” and I believe that says it all. Here’s the link:

  • Henryk_ Thurs@1019PM Sydney time

    Have we seen this pic before?

  • minxlj

    WOW. 608 comments – way to go Dooce!
    Just out of curiosity, what’s the current record??

  • Wow, great pic. Stunnin, really…

  • You know who

    Minions. Only want the kiss ass, you’re so perfect comments.
    You put that baby out there for jerks to attack, take responsibility and protect her—keep her life private. Really how much more will it take till you stop this, is this what a good mother does?

  • Awww, shux.

    I accidently fell asleep and I seemed to have missed the rest of the party.

  • me

    So THAT is why my M-I-L is so CRAZY. I thought it was from all the pills she takes. Guess I was wrong.
    Dooce you look Mahvahlus!

  • annie

    heather reminds me of aimee mann. that was partly why i started to read this blog. i love aimee mann.

    heather, please disregard the haters. your blog is awesome; it’s one of the few i actually read daily.

  • Ern

    Someday, when Dooce says she wants to party with me, or quotes me in a post, then I will know I am the coolest shit.

    I’m not a groupie. Shut up! Fine, I’m going to bed.

  • Hey Dooce,
    I don’t know if you read ALL your comments (you get so many!)

    But I’ve babysat lots of teething babies and, for me,frozen mini-bagels work well! Good luck 🙂

  • jennifer

    wow.. y’all are so demanding!

    maybe someday she will give you a smile… from behind her middle finger!

  • Whoah – I just am catching up with all this; anyone who goes around taking aim at someone’s kids needs to figure out what’s wrong with him/herself. I’m sure there’s plenty of fixing up that needs to be done in your head, Baddweebisis.

  • I brought Chyna the blow up doll for anyone who end up titless. Then if they complain she can use her super blow up guns to kick their ass.

  • Mrs. Strizzay – if we all suck tit, I hope they be very very nice tatas. And that there’s enough for everyone. It’s not nice to bring treats in here if there’s not enough to share.

    And Spoonie,
    THAT was YOU down there??!?
    SHIT. I mean, umm, damn! That means I sent the check on Valentine’s Day to the wrong recipient.

    Now I really must go to bed before I get into trouble.

  • I have two special needs kids (both are bipolar.) I just wanted to point something out to whats-his-name.

    It is ridiculous to think that someone who is obviously as smart as Heather, and who obviously adores her child, wouldn’t have already exhausted every outlet to find out what is up with Leta.

    I get this A LOT. People who know nothing about me or my kids who assume that I haven’t already done the research about the meds that keep them balanced, or the different possible explainations for their illness.

    Why assume that if Leta’s doctors think that Leta may be Autistic that Heather isn’t up on it.

    And if the doctors don’t think anything like is the problem, that Heather hasn’t choosen capable doctor’s who know what they are doing?

    Back off.

  • Is Peter Frampton still alive?

    I only know who he is because my mom had his vinyl where he is all shirtless with bushy hair and jeans.

  • Why you gotta lie on me, Girl.A?? Does what we shared last weekend mean nothing to you? I don’t go into the Port-A-Potty at a Peter Frampton concert for just ANYBODY. Only YOUR body.

    When you’re geriatric and derranged is when I start charging for my services.

  • You guys all suck tit. You always come out to play when I am doing my chores.


    Knock that shit off. For reals.

  • Ern

    Thanks, Girl.A. I’ve been gawking over at this whole time. If you haven’t gone to bed yet, lemme shoot a “YOU RAWK!” in your direction. And now I’m going to go puke. G’night!

  • If this keeps up, I think you need a CHATROOM on your site. The way people are going on with each other for hundreds of messages, you might as well go all the way. Start your own media empire. Incorporate the Dooce franchise!

  • Zaz

    I don’t comment much – and I don’t know why dooce should listen to me or any other person here. But people like this badweebisis really annoy me.

    Based on dooce’s descriptions, Leta is well within the range of normal development. She interacts with peers. She makes eye contact. She has relationships with others. She’s babbling and forming words. She grasps objects and seems to enjoy exploring her environment. And they’re treating the not wanting pressure on her feet thing. There’s nothing to support a diagnosis of autism.

    Not that I would try to diagnose over the internet. That would be unethical. But it sure sounds like a bad case of “normal child.”

  • And I adore you, my sweet ass spelunker.

    Not that she ever spelunked my ass, mind you, dooce gossipers.
    I am not yet geriatric and lovably-deranged enough.

    Someday. sigh.

  • I also learned a lot about hermaphrodites and pederasts and necrofeliacs that day. I love you, G.A.

  • How does it feel to post a picture of yourself and 586 people (and counting I’m sure) have something to say about it? That’s nuts.

  • On that note, I think I’ll retire for the evening and leave you to discover the wonder that is… what wild deer like to do with homosapien urine.

    p.s. way to go dr fever. I thought the “10-year-old BVDs” might have put your troll-crusher remark over the bounds of “good taste”, but then I realized when reading Dooce’s post that you probably did not mean to compare the looks of “isis” [laugh] with the diarrhea-soaked underwear of a child, but rather, very aged diarrhea-soaked underwear. At least, 10 years is aged by most American shit-stained underwear standards. One can only hope.

    And even better, Dooce enjoyed those BVDs.

  • Ern

    You’re right, Amanda B. I may never be the same. The text over at the version is more descriptive, less textbook, more traumatizing, I’d say.

  • is an excellent source of information you may not find anywhere else, and information which may inspire repugnance…

    or make you puke.

    speaking of puke… (just kidding)

  • I remember one of the first times I met Girl.A here in the dooce comments was before she had a blog and every post included some horrid link. The first one I ever clicked was v.dentata, and I spent the next FOUR HOURS reading all kinds of gross shit on I called my boyfriend at work and was like, “did you know that this guy got his hand stuck in a meat grinder and it came out the other end??” He was less than thrilled.

    Ahhh, that’s my Girl.A. GOOD TIMES!

  • No Ern, but once you’ve seen dentata…you are never the same.

    Sigh. I shall miss the old Ern.

    Although it will bring you closer to Girl A. which has many many perks. 😉

  • Ern

    Amanda B.–I may look like an “all-american farm girl,” as a friend used to call me. But I’m not as sweet as I look. 🙂

  • Oh no. I’m too late.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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