Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

Oh say can you suck!

Ever since yesterday’s post about the Mormon Articles of Faith (and sucking it), I’ve been reminiscing about all the old propaganda songs I learned in my youth, songs that taught me all the books of the New Testament in order (“And to the Heeee-brews!! Epistle ooof Ja-a-a-a-ames, Peter, Peter, JOHN JOHN JOHN!) and “We just learned a little song about the Book of Mormon.” I was always in the front row singing the loudest. It was sure to give me a glowing review at the judgment bar of God.

And then I remembered about my ex-boyfriend who was also a recovering Mormon, and how when he was about 10-years-old he was participating in a patriotic tribute to the American Flag on the Sunday before the Fourth of July. All the kids in the congregation had been called up to gather around the pulpit to sing the National Anthem, and the Primary President (she who is called of God to indoctrinate all the children under the age of 12) began a speech about our country. She began, “The American Flag…” and then she paused in a moment of pride and trembling.

My ex-boyfriend, never one to pass up an opportunity except when it came to gainful employment, took her moment of hesitation to tell the world what he really thought and he yelled, out loud, in front of the whole congregation, “SUCKS!”

I blame that story for sticking it out with his unemployed ass for more than two years.

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