An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Snowboards in love

  • pooce dooce dunce

  • Eww, anal glands. But it’s so nice to get rid of that snatch-y stank.

  • minxlj

    For anyone thinking about snowboarding: PLEASE get yourself some of these
    I WISH I’d had these before my lessons…and the subsequent hospital trip – DOH. I bought them after I recovered (torn ligaments, worse than breaking the damn wrist) and though they feel weird, they’re comfortable and supportive. 🙂
    By far the most common injury in snowboarders is a broken wrist, as the sarcastic first aider informed me…

  • Dre, I agree wholeheartedly.

    Dooce: We get it. You went snowboarding. You saw Jesus on the mountain. You told us about it.

    Now please, usher in a new topic for our pictorial delight. Like Leta and some flowers or something.

  • Well, since everyone else is requesting pictures from Heather, I guess I can speak up and ask for that which my heart craves most of all.

    Heather: Please, pretty please with ass grease on top, can we see the pictures we all *know* you took of Chuck getting his anal sacs milked?

    I know, I know, I feel like a giddy schoolgirl for askin’!

  • k

    Has someone been captioning drunk again?

  • meREDith

    I love Leta, don’t get me wrong. And I agree, the snowboarding has gotten a little tired, but what about the odd kitsche around the house? Was that only for Christmas? I want to see more weird!

  • 72feetabovesealevel

    Spelt is a type of(South American?) grain.

  • Snowboards on Ice! Now that is a sport I’d like to watch.

    Sponsored by the Anal Sac Milkers’ Association (ASMA)and Tostitos.

  • tostitos huh?

  • Jen in KC — after that, I’ll never look at people with asthma the same.

  • 01234

    Yeah, but if you used anal sac milk to grease the board, wouldn’t that mean Chuck would freeze his butt off?

  • I see I’m not the only one this morning suffering from PMS.

    There’s some attitude in these comments, yes?

  • Yep. Those boards would be the end of me. And not all fast-like but slooooow death as i plummeted down the size of the mountain, ass over head…

    I bet the view would be lovely though.

    P.S. of the mountain. not my ass.

  • Seigh, Dooce! Sending a big hellooooo your weigh!

    Sorry, couldn’t help it. I’m an ass todeigh.

  • What attitude? Who the fuck thinks I have an attitude? Huh? Huh? Wanna step outside, girly? C’mon, put ’em uuup, put ’em uuuuup!

    (just kidding — you guys all know I’m Little Miss Sunshine and Wholesomeness!)

  • Susie

    You’re the shiniest, holesome-est $2 whore in the blogosphere, Bucky.

  • BFE—love you!

    Your attitude is the best. There’s ‘attitude’ and then there’s *attitude* if you know what I’m saying. 😉

  • I don’t mind the snow-boarding pics and all. Hell, if I’d experienced anything like that you would never get me to shut-up about it.

    I could use an adventure. Anybody got a one way ticket outta here to where a freak can be a freak? I feel like a circus animal.

  • meREDith

    b-m said circus animals- now here come the monkeys!!

  • “I just spent $20 to have my dog’s anal sacs squeezed”…..

    Doocie, did your A-1 boyfriend offer you $20 to provide the same service???

  • Awwww… isn’t that *sweet*?!

    You know, if I had a snowboard that weighed about 400 pounds, and was about twice as wide, I could probably handle going down a hill on it… you know, sitting down, though.

  • It is a proven fact that I’m a bog old baby, but skiing and snowboarding scare the shit out of me. I’ve never even tried, but there’s just not enough control over the situation for me. However, my boyfriend l ikes to ski, so I might take him next christmas and get myself a little bunny hill lesson. i dunno.. some scary shit man…


  • You weren’t around for the anal sac expression were you? You didn’t bring your camera did you?

    Suddenly, I fear this week’s Chuck Friday…

  • Susie

    CK, when you put it that way, I’m a snowboarder from WAY back; ‘cept we call it sledding.

  • Isn’t that the sword in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?

    Oh, and $20 bucks to have the sacs squeezed is totally worth it — that stuff is really smelly!

  • Marti

    After work, I went home and told my husband and sons about the conversation about anal sacs. I thought we should be aware of it. They looked a me with such horror and made loud exclamations. They thought I had a conversation about anal sex. Ha. I didn’t tell them that conversation was weeks ago.

  • RazDreams

    whoa! the misspellings! “my eyes, *my eyes*!”

  • annabelle

    i’m bored of snowboarding stuff- i want a cute Leta pic. How does a valedictorian spell “weighs” wrong?

  • Ok heather — I love you and all but ways vs. weighs?


  • Susie

    Marti, I had the same thing happen here, except I was viewing the link with the anal sac emptying demonstration. Husband asks what I’m watching, and I say, “It’s a cartoon showing you how to do the anal sacs . . . ” My kid was right there; my husband couldn’t speak, he was so horrified, thought I’d finally lost it. I called them both over to see the cartoon, which was gross, yet educational. Though neither as gross nor as educational as the one they thought I was watching.

  • RazDreams

    † (neat symbol from post #22)

  • H in Chicago

    I don’t know about anyone else, but I had no idea what a “dog anal gland” was, so I had to look it up.
    Um, ew. I’m glad I have a cat! 🙂

  • You said, “Ways”! Ha!

    I love the BlurboDoocery!

  • Cats have them too, actually. When my parents’ cat leaves skidmarks on the sofa, they know it’s time to take her to the vet for some good ol’ gland release.

  • H in Chicago

    Damn! Cat’s have ’em too? ew. My kitty better be keep those sacs away from my couch!

  • H in Chicago: Cats have ’em too, dearie. 🙂

    I’m glad I don’t have any pets! 🙂

  • kendra in T-Bay

    H in Chicago: thanks for the educational link. Ick. I’m sorry to hear cats have them too. I’ve seen cats doing the little ‘ass drag’ across the carpet, but I thought they just wanted that morning fresh feeling….

  • Must. Refresh. More. Often.

    F5 F5 F5 F5 F5

  • I don’t care how ass-nasty the glands may be – my kitties are worth it. And Chuck is too!

  • H in Chicago

    I agree. Even though Cambridge (my cat) has those icky glands, I think she’s worth it too! 🙂

  • Arnold Sachs? Any old sacs? I tried googling a few variations. Nicklink is the best one.

  • Wow, I’m (almost) speechless from the comments.

    1. I’m so glad this comment section is filled with people who never make typos, and who therefore feel entitled to cast the first stone.

    2. Bucky Four-Eyes – [said in my best imitation of a drunken lush]-I love you, man. *sniff*

    3. I don’t see that anyone has really made a comment about #22. Does that mean it made _sense_ to you guys? ‘Cause I’m totally at a loss on that one.

    4. I have (thus far) refrained from commenting on the, um, (whispers) _anal sac_ issue, because….I just don’t think I can, without ralphing. Blech.

    Okay. That is all. Carry on.

  • Hi. For those of you who are boooored with Dooce’s site right now, I found this awesome link I think you’ll like. Check it out!

    (click name for good time)

  • Kendra in T-Bay

    Re: 93.

    You know how sometimes a bunch of people are laughing at a joke, and you laugh along too because you don’t want people to think you’re stupid and don’t get it??

    Well, that’s kind of how I was treating 22. I didn’t get it, but I was pretending I did.

  • LadyBug — I just had my Geritol, so I’m as liquored up as I’m gonna be today. I love you back, man! *hic*

    From #22, I’m taking this as the most pertinent part of the post:
    “I’m just outta hospital..for “overnight leave” or ‘something like that’>†.. me having “the mania” and all…I’m sure you can relate..”

    I’m thinkin’ Amy’s got better prescriptions than I do.

    C’mon, dude, don’t bring prescription drugs to the comment board unless you brought enough for everyone!

  • Ok. The anal glands thing almost made me piss myself. I actually shared with Mr. Pissy and he totally got it and thought it was funny as heck. Poor Chuck. How exactly is he feeling after this procedure?

  • #22 is a letter to Heather and Jon, so I was just assuming THEY’D get it and we weren’t sposed to. Although I admit my first thought was that Amy was drunk…

  • Amanda B, are you posting pictures of your *monkey* again?

  • Could someone post the urls for the “off-site” Dooce comment board(s) again, please? I’m a tad too lazy/tired/diligently working to search through the comments from the past few days for the link.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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