An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

When this happens, you take the LOOOOONG way home

  • You have the cutest kid ever. Seriously.

  • nibbler

    congratulations, heather!!!
    first post here 🙂

  • Henryk_

    Good evening night owls!

  • CONGRATS Heather! This is awesome!

  • pea

    Congratulations Dooce! Thank you for sharing so much with all of us.

  • Wow, Sammie.

    Amanda B, you are my hero.

    amberlyn, I am sorry you have to work so much. If I had lots of money I would send you some. But I would expect you to download lots of music to your iPod and JUMP AROUND, or maybe write poems… you wouldn’t have to show your work, though.

  • lekki

    congratulations on the bloggie awards Heather. I’ve just had a look & seen all the wins you had. Have fun with all the goodies that are coming your way.

  • AndreaBT

    I love the word “feh”. (Not mocking you, emdot, I really do, I need to use it more often! Much more hip than cursing at someone, not to mention less offensive.)

  • AndreaBT

    Darn, it’s slowing down again here. Probably for the best…husband will be home soon, wanting to use the computer, and I should go to bed so I get at least some sleep before the youngest munchkin wakes me up for her middle of the night booby snack.

  • okay i’m back for one comment. you know what cracks me up? people who are deluded enought to write the words “I don’t care that” and then list all kinds of stuff.

    “Doocey” (#274)(way to pick your own name) if you didn’t care you wouldn’t have written a thing and you sure as hell wouldn’t have read all those posts. Perfect example of this person needing to follow their own advice. Spare us your self-righteouseness and turn off your own computer. Feh.

  • Nilbo, I’ll have you know that your cleverness about “Pee before entering” is wasted on me. I’ve peed. I can laugh at will.

    Bring on your silliness. You’ll not get anything from me!

    By the way, my daughter said “cock” today. She was trying to say “sock,” but I still giggled.

  • congratulations dooce! you were like the lord of the rings, return of the queen, sweeping the awards.

  • copy kitty- well, this is an old keyboard, so all the texture on them was already worn off. not really too gross, but there was a shine on the keys.

  • copy_kitty


    Ah, you gotta do what you gotta do, eh? My life is often ruled by ridiculous deadlines, so I feel your pain.

  • Kaiasmom- thank you, my goal is to serve.

    it really wasn’t that bad. she was a pound puppy, we think a brittany spaniel and something else mix and she shedded A LOT. he would start petting her head, and she would move until his hand was scratching where she wanted.

    what was funny was the half-closed-eyes look of doggie bliss on her face after she got there.

  • AndreaBT

    Nilbo: Got it. (ewww!) G’night!

  • Michael

    WoooHoooooooooo! for Dooce!

    Completely deserved, long overdue. Hopefully, this puts some momentum behind that big dollar book deal we all feel you should get.

    Plus, just think of the headlines: “Matt Jackson, pompus consultant, brought down by hateful rant to AWARD-WINNING Blogger, Ms. Heather Armstrong.”

    You so rock.

  • copy_kitty


    Greasy keys? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

  • does anyone believe i’m still at work? i hardly do. alas.

    just wanted to pop in and say YAY to dooce. with all the negativity that tends to pop in this comments section more often than not, i’m glad she’s given a Real, Official Token of Our Appreciation.

    she could probably write about living under a rock, and somehow expose us to how such an existence could be perfectly beautiful and extraordinary.

    and perhaps, PERHAPS my brain is in a state of delirium, as i’ve been at work since 8:30 this morning.

    either way, i couldn’t do such things without the wonderful distractions of

    and now i ramble.

    so sorry.

  • Night night Bucky.

  • Andrea: I don’t actually HAVE an internet group, but in my old IRC days, when some horny net geek went quiet we’d say he was busy WAK … whacking at keyboard.

    As for the chocolate … sorry. I got nuttin’. Hoped I would, by now, but … brain dead. So … perfect time to go back to work. Who needs a brain for that?

    Night all!

  • Ew ew ew ew Lily, thanks for that lovely image,lol.

  • My Dad used to sit at the computer and scratch the dogs rump as he was working. This led to greasy keys and hair jambed down between the keys.

    Yet he didn’t like people eating messy stuff, like say chips, at the computer.

  • copy_kitty

    Damn time zones—it’s only 10:24 here!

  • shelly

    BFE, nah, once we all knew what he meant we laughed. A lot.

  • AndreaBT

    Nilbo, sorry, my little naive brain is stumped. Ice cream or…? WAK? Waving At Keyboard? gave me nothing.

  • OK … it’s 12:30 and I still have a ton of work to do … night all … it’s been fun …

  • Aw Sammie. I heart you, you little sweetheart.

  • (throws dry and totally platonic night night kisses at CanAmy, too)

  • copy_kitty: True. It’s the ignored side effect: Erectile marathons may cause cha-cha chafing.

    Y’all are crackin’ my barely-Amurrican ass a new faultline, but I really have to go to bed. Please continue to talk dirty without me.
    Night night.

  • I loves me some B4E.

  • Hello? Anybody there?

  • In my internet group, we don’t have NAK … we do, however, have WAK, which … OK, some things don’t need explanation …

    And Andrea .. really … the fact that it’s brownish does nothing to straighten up my dirty mind …

  • AndreaBT

    Nilbo, you’re right…I can type and nurse my 3 month old at the same time…on the internet group I belong to, we call it NAK…Nursing At Keyboard

  • Yup, I’m a Yank, but barely. Windsor is an hour south of here, and Sarnia is an hour east. I loves me some Canada.

  • Who needs two hands for typing? pfft. Amateurs.

  • AndreaBT

    Nilbo, it’s a brownish color (like *chocolate* ice cream) if that helps your dirty mind straighten up a little bit.

  • copy_kitty


    As for Little Red, Riding Hood, haven’t we already discussed the ED drugs’ side effects? You know. The chafing.

  • Bucky … you’re not in TO are you? I thought you was Amurrican …

  • Shelly: were people a little, ah, hesitant to cuddle with the lad?

  • That’s very wise, Andrea. I mean, to be afraid.

  • shelly

    Susie #449, a nephew used to have the same “K” sound problem. He’d say he wanted to give you “a piss and a hug.”

  • Congratulations Heather!

  • AndreaBT

    Bucky, sneeze on the keyboard? Well, yeah…hands are too busy typing!

  • AndreaBT

    Nilbo? Ummm….I’m afraid to ask what *you* think it is!

  • AndreaBT: Ah, always careful when new. After a month, you don’t even try to block it when you sneeze on the keyboard.

    Dang: I don’t wanna kill ya, buddy. Couldn’t we just, like, look for trinkets on Yong street and rap about world peace? Then we could roll some drunks. It’ll rock.

  • lekki

    Leta succumbed to the big ‘pram’ rocking

  • AndreaBT

    And I have peed my pants laughing while reading Dooce (Heather’s posts and/or comments, all of it) so many times it’s not funny.

    Having babies does that to your bladder. I need to practice my kegels…

  • Yeah, Andrea. That’s ice cream. Keep telling yourself that. It … helps.

  • copy_kitty

    Bang bang, I hit the ground
    Bang bang, that awful sound
    Bang bang, my baby shot me down.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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