An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation
  • jp

    actually I met this girl and we were doing belly shots and she was kind enough to bring me home, the next thing I know my husband was standing at the top of the stairs asking what I was doing. I got hot and still don’t know how I got the jeans off over the boots!

  • naked, bottom of stairs, cowboy boots. Where was your horse?

  • jp

    you best be kidding raz cause if your a wayniac I just spit pepsi out of my nose.

  • jp

    riding into the sunset!

  • Thanks Raz.
    jp, that must have been one happy horse

  • RazDreams

    lawbrat and canadianamy: loving your blogs…really. and jp, as for paul from home makeover…well, wayne newton is on ‘seventh heaven’ hold me back.

  • jp

    Oh, I plan to start the morning with mimosas and not even know what I am drinking when I pass out. The last time I did that I woke up at the bottom of the stairs naked wearing cowboy boots. I’m thinking I had a good time!

  • LOL Thanks jp. He’s my little hellion angel. I need pics of my oldest one. Good reason to buy a digital camera!

  • too funny jp.(the rolling) Its good to still get carded. After THE DAY, it gets better. I promise! Just drink alot, then drink some more. It will be over before you know it.

  • jp

    Cute hunter lawbrat. To bad there is no pic of the older one, but at least we know who your favorite is! 😉

  • jp

    I have been depressed for weeks too. My only saving grace is that I have yet to order an alcholic beverage and not be carded. So I guess I can weep when that stops. I didn’t roll the direct neighbors it was a bunch of houses all over the neighborhood. Ahh to be young again…

  • jp

    I am so smitten with Paul from home makeover! He is so cute and sweet!

  • ok, jp, gotcha now.

    lawbrat, we’ll have to keep thinking about how you can top the big 3-0

  • That was a fun night. It was a horrible 3 weeks until that. It was hard turning 30. Now, its all good. I dont look 30, people think my oldest is my younger brother…Im lovin that!

  • jp


  • jp…your neighbors! at least go down the block for crying out loud!

  • RazDreams

    “rolling” means taking a roll of toilet paper (or two, or three!) and rolling them around and around trees and bushes and posts and whatever-the-hell-else is in the yard that toilet paper can roll around. *THEN*, when it gets all wet and gross, it’s virtually impossible to get off. a total pain. KEWL!!!

  • jj

    lawbrat asked what I meant by rolling the neighbors.

  • Poor kitties. Susie, if I do that now, I may not be able to be a member of the bar. It was difficult to try to explain the 30th b-day tickets, and I may have to explain it again when I apply to the bar. I so have to be on my best behaviour.

  • well, lawbrat, whatever you do, you’ll have to attract at least 4 police cars OR maybe a SWAT team…

  • jp

    toilet paper!

  • um, OK, here’s a roll, jp… (WTF?)

  • jp

    we had two kittens and my son would pile them on the couch and roll around on them. They would just lay there and look at me begging for one last breath. Needless to say I had to send them to a better home. Hopefully there on a farm chasing wild mice through a field of flower.

  • Pistons are down by 13. Figures. When its on TV, and I actually get the channel…their down. PISTONS, SCORE SOME POINTS

  • JP, whats ‘rolling the neighbors’

  • ginnderella, I’m so glad you said “nose.”

  • jp

    me too…

  • It was quite a 30th. I’m going to be 33 this summer….now how do I top 30?

  • jp

    lawbrat I don’t need to turn 30 to party. I have been kicked out of too many bars and almost arrested for rolling the neighbors and then took pictures and posted them online and that was last month.

  • When I was a 2-year-old satan baby, I stuck a screwdriver up our doberman’s nose. And he just SAT there.

  • RazDreams

    gosh, you guys’ porn names are *so* way better than mine. i wonder what dooce’s is. i mean, ginger is cool. but FOX is way better. and FIRST…well, FIRST is just primal. i want that porn name.

    my 30th was spent in new orleans at a fine restaurant and then at a casino…then sex. it was all good. (yes, i knew the guy beforehand.)

  • That’s my porn name. Not bad, huh?

    I’m very glad that Chuckles is good with Leta. We had to get rid of (give to a friend) our dog we’d had for 10 years when our daughter was 10 months old. It was terribly sad, but necessary.

    lawbrat, what a wild, wet 30-year-old you were:)

    CanAmy, I stopped to visit you, but could not comment, on account of comments sucking today, so 1)hi there, and 2)I swiped that red shoes picture; so wonderful, I had to get it and look at it more closely. Hope that’s OK.

    Oh, I’m Susie.

  • YEAH! I love parties!

  • jp

    Thanks for the support. I mean I took his ass to cirque de solei, and a way too expensive “bistro” and now I have to get my own sitter! If he fails to do anything he might just get served for his birthday!

  • jp

    lawbrat you are so invited to my party!

  • RazDreams

    oh, jp (#231): grrrl, i’m hugging you. either he’s trickin’ you, or else we’ll all have to come over there, take you out on a “school night,” and get you buck-nekkid drunk. 30! you tell that man he *BEST* be planning something, or we’ll haveta come take care of bidniz for him. 😉 (i’m talkin’ all gangsta like i know what i’m doing)

  • I came close to being arrested on my 30th. Something about police not liking people to go swimming in park pool at 3am after drinking yourself silly. Climbing over the 1 story fence was a feat in itself. When we were busted, there were 3 police cars, surrounding the pool, all turned on their lights at the same time. We WENT UNDER WATER. Yeah, because then they couldnt see us.

  • jp

    my porn name is susie first. first to what you ask?

  • Raz Dreams:

    How about this one – my porn name is Missy Fox.


  • Ev

    My sister-in-law’s sweet, very passive, never-in-her-12-years-was aggressive dog bit her two-year-old daughter’s face. The child had just finally harassed the dog once too often. You can deliver up the offending dog to the meat grinder afterward, but that won’t undo the need for plastic surgery, or worse. Dogs DO attack children sometimes, you know. Dogs who have been a loving part of the family. Really.

  • and my prison bitch name is Jizz Mouth. kewl.

    but my PORN name is even kewler: Ginger Ruby. i love it. (your first pet’s name plus the name of the street you grew up on)

  • donni

    darn. the chain has been broken.

  • jp

    I am going to be 30 in six days….weep, sniff, my husband says to me you can get a sitter if you want. What do you want to do? How hard is it to plan something just once in the eleven years we have been together? I am just going to crawl up in a chair with my friends jose cuervo and jack daniels and cry.

  • oh, and i believe jon will be 40 just shortly thereafter (a week or so?), so methinks there will be parties and drinking and booze and dancing with-ya-hands-in-da-air-like-ya-just-don’t-care and, um, some more booze. and no kids. can’t wait for the pictures.

  • Yeah Raz! go get em!

    I was preggers on my thirtieth. It sucked for funness.

    but I made up for it eventually.

  • jp

    boobs suck, I hate mine. I’m small everywhere except there and everyone just assumes there fake. Listen people if I paid for these you better believe they would not fall to my waist when I set them free!

  • Jim (#226): well, dooce will be the Big 30 on July 19th, so maybe they’re tryin’ to make a baby before then. but i highly doubt it. if i were dooce, i’d *totally* want to drink like an alkie on my 30th birthday (hell, i DID!!!).

  • jp

    well pokey I am sure gumby doesn’t complain.

  • Jim

    Am I missing something here. Is this the official announcement that you are taking another stab at motherhood?

  • HarryR

    Well, I’m not the world’s most physical guy
    But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
    Oh my Lola, la la la la Lola
    Well, I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
    Why she walked like a woman and talked like a man
    Oh my Lola, la la la la Lola, la la la la Lola

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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