the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Cautionary photo: Valedictorian and severely anal retentive high-schooler in the making

These were all of my sixth grade projects from just the first semester of the school year: leaf collection, functioning windmill, volcano, miniature replica of the Parthenon, and a pyramid. Do you remember that part in A Clockwork Orange when the doctor comes up to Alex after they’ve deprogrammed him and he shows him a picture of a nest with a few eggs in it and he asks, “How do you feel about these, Alex?” and Alex says, “Eggiwegs! I would like… to smash them!” That’s how I feel about everything in this photo.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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