the smell of my desperation has become a stench

This one is for my lesbian readers

“This scar on my left shoulder looks like it’s expanding. I keep expecting a parasite to shoot out of it.”

“Isn’t it just like the scar on your right leg?”

“No, it’s different.”

“How about the one under your collarbone?”

“No, it’s different than that one, too.”

“How about any of the other ones?”

“OH MY GOD I’M A MONSTER. I’m sorry you’re married to someone covered in horrible scars.”

“Heather. I have a penis and testicles. I think I have you trumped.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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