This one is for my lesbian readers

“This scar on my left shoulder looks like it’s expanding. I keep expecting a parasite to shoot out of it.”

“Isn’t it just like the scar on your right leg?”

“No, it’s different.”

“How about the one under your collarbone?”

“No, it’s different than that one, too.”

“How about any of the other ones?”

“OH MY GOD I’M A MONSTER. I’m sorry you’re married to someone covered in horrible scars.”

“Heather. I have a penis and testicles. I think I have you trumped.”