the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Number of the day

“This one says that Britney left because Kevin made an insensitive remark.”

“No, it says, ‘An insensitive Kevin goes partying.’ If you did that I wouldn’t just leave. I’d kill you first.”

“This one says that Brad only wants to be with Angelina because of her kids.”

“Are you serious?”

“Says it right here.”

“I can think of about two dozen reasons I’d want to be with Angelina before her kids even entered the equation.”

Two dozen? That’s a lot. Like what?”

“Her top lip.”

“Okay, that’s one.”

“Her bottom lip.”

“Okay, two.”

“Her right breast.”


“Her left breast.”


“Both of her legs.”

“Five, six.”



“No, all the sex.”

“Okay, seven, eight… nine… ten, eleven, twelve… oh God, thirteen… yeah. You’ve got a point.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more