the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Why this is not a craft blog

Leah Peah, fellow artist with a history in Utah to overcome/exploit for money, is coming to town in a few weeks and she called to ask what days would be good to get together. She writes about the conversation over here, but she left out some of the finer details like the part where she asked me to buy some styrofoam balls.

“Why the hell do we need styrofoam balls?”

“So we can stick them to the bodies of the jelly bean reindeer,” she said.

“The jelly bean reindeer?”

“What did you think I meant when I said, ‘Let’s make something one of the days that I am there.'”

“To be honest, I thought we’d sit down and make JELLY BEAN REINDEER WITH STYROFOAM BALL HEADS.”

“We’re going to need a glue gun.”

“You’re scaring me.”

“We can’t affix the jelly beans to the reindeer without a glue gun.”


“Good thinking! And maybe some googly eyes.”

“Leah, I refuse to buy googly eyes. I’ll clean out the craft store of its styrofoam balls, but I am not buying any googly eyes.”

“How can we make reindeer without googly eyes, Heather?!”

“I guess they’ll be blind, Leah!”

“Fine, I’ll bring the googly eyes. As an ex-Mormon you should know that you can’t complete a craft project without googly eyes.”

“You’re calling my ex-Mormon cred into question? As an ex-Mormon you should know that you just hit me below the belt!”

(The conversation didn’t happen exactly this way, but I figured that since she thinks that I think she’s a geek that I needed to capitalize on that.)

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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