the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Even I can’t believe I’m allowed to have a dog

One late evening last October Jon and I finished the last few scoops of a carton of Cookies ‘N Cream ice cream. Chuck was practicing Opus Dei rituals in the basement when he heard us walking toward the freezer in the kitchen and before we knew it he had drooled a path up the stairs. Jon and I sat on the couch in the living room with the carton of ice cream between us as Chuck pressed his wet nose into my knee. Whenever we sit down to have a meal he walks over to my leg and presses his snout firmly into my flesh. It’s his way of saying, “Remember me? I’m cute.”

After we finished off the ice cream that night I made Chuck perform a few tricks and then I held the carton at an angle so he could get at the melted goo at the bottom of the carton. By that point he was so ravenous that the force of his tongue pulled the ice cream carton out of my hands and lodged it firmly on his face. He didn’t make any indication that he was in discomfort so instead of pulling it off his snout we grabbed the cameras. I posted the digital photos of this circus act here, and today I found the video which you can see here. In it you can actually hear the sound of his lapping tongue suctioning the cardboard to his face.

(For those of you who don’t have Quicktime installed on your computer you should be able to see this video if you have the Flash player, the latest version of which you can find here. If you have any other problems viewing the video leave the details in the comments along with the Anti-Ice Cream Carton on the Dog Snout Activists who will yell at me for attempting to suffocate my dog. It should be good times!)

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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