the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Even I can’t believe I’m allowed to have a dog

One late evening last October Jon and I finished the last few scoops of a carton of Cookies ‘N Cream ice cream. Chuck was practicing Opus Dei rituals in the basement when he heard us walking toward the freezer in the kitchen and before we knew it he had drooled a path up the stairs. Jon and I sat on the couch in the living room with the carton of ice cream between us as Chuck pressed his wet nose into my knee. Whenever we sit down to have a meal he walks over to my leg and presses his snout firmly into my flesh. It’s his way of saying, “Remember me? I’m cute.”

After we finished off the ice cream that night I made Chuck perform a few tricks and then I held the carton at an angle so he could get at the melted goo at the bottom of the carton. By that point he was so ravenous that the force of his tongue pulled the ice cream carton out of my hands and lodged it firmly on his face. He didn’t make any indication that he was in discomfort so instead of pulling it off his snout we grabbed the cameras. I posted the digital photos of this circus act here, and today I found the video which you can see here. In it you can actually hear the sound of his lapping tongue suctioning the cardboard to his face.

(For those of you who don’t have Quicktime installed on your computer you should be able to see this video if you have the Flash player, the latest version of which you can find here. If you have any other problems viewing the video leave the details in the comments along with the Anti-Ice Cream Carton on the Dog Snout Activists who will yell at me for attempting to suffocate my dog. It should be good times!)

  • minxlj

    2006/04/06 at 1:37 am

    That is THE funniest thing I’ve ever seen Chuck do…apart from the pants on the head photo (titled ‘King Chuck’) which had better be in the 2007 Chuckalicious calendar!!

    When I go home I’m going to see if my cat Lilo will do the same thing. He loves ice cream, and I have the camera ready…

  • minxlj

    2006/04/06 at 1:40 am

    OH I forgot, our family dog Ozzy (female Alsatian!) does the same thing with crisp packets. If you don’t give her the empty packet so she can lick it til the foil combusts, there’s trouble. She especially loves Cheesy Wotsits!!

  • the kim half of glamorouse

    2006/04/06 at 2:19 am

    You know you’re just asking for trouble now don’t you. Forget the sleep nazis, dog owners are much much worse.

  • Shelley Bonnechance

    2006/04/06 at 2:20 am

    You can also put one knee-high ho (that’s singular for “hose,” not a reference to a slutty short person) on the head of a Jack Russell terrier and observe with glee while the dog leaps about the room trying to remove the offensive item of apparrel.

    But don’t tell anyone I said so.

  • fhmiv

    2006/04/06 at 3:35 am

    I have a dog and that doesn’t seem cruel at all, just very amusing. The best part is the little “SPLOP” at the end! It would be a nice sound effect for my instant messaging client.

  • Darren Conley

    2006/04/06 at 3:44 am

    It just occurred to me that by NOT having a dog, I’m either missing out on hours of possible hilarity, or acquiring extra hours of productivity time which are not available to pet owners.

    On the other hand, I can reap the benefits of pet ownership by experiencing them vicariously through this website, without the obligation of having to buy dog food or clean up crap.

    Either way, my productivity is STILL suffering by spending so much time here.

  • kerri

    2006/04/06 at 3:21 am

    Those pictures are GREAT. Chuck has a flexible (or rather, determined) snout, indeed. 🙂

  • Nils Ling

    2006/04/06 at 3:35 am

    Heather, don’t let people tell you how to feed ice cream to your dog. It’s YOUR dog, not theirs, and whatever way you want to feed him ice cream is right as long as it works for YOU. There is no right way or wrong way to feed ice cream to a dog, because every dog is different.

    I feed my dog ice cream that way all the time, because it’s the only way I could get him to eat ice cream, and I find the people who are the most judgemental about how I feed my dog ice cream are people who don’t have dogs of their own.

  • galetea

    2006/04/06 at 1:17 am

    The joy of having a dog who’s head is actually small enough to fit into an ice cream container, right up to the eyeballs.

    Our labrador is a fan of custard pots and he will also sit happily with his snout buried in gooey goodness. 🙂

  • Natalie

    2006/04/06 at 1:21 am

    Akgmcgirl – I wasn’t commenting about Heather about chocolate, just correcting what another commenter said. 😉

    PS, Cookies n cream is the best!!

  • mdvelazquez

    2006/04/06 at 12:34 am

    Hysterical. I hope one of those photos make it to the next calendar.

  • StacyG

    2006/04/06 at 12:56 am

    I can not see the video but I can hear it. After updating the player I get a white box with a play button and a mute button.

    I love the pictures!

  • kim from germany

    2006/04/05 at 11:57 pm

    i can’t watch it either *sniff* – i hear the sound and i get a pretty white operation-bar to pause and turn the volume off, but no picture 🙁 mr. blurb, please fix. prettyplease…

  • Angie Muldowney

    2006/04/06 at 12:12 am

    If my head was smaller, or if they made tubs of ice-cream big enough, I’d have a go at getting my head in there myself – everyone knows the goo at the bottom is the best bit!

  • Anneleen

    2006/04/06 at 12:16 am

    It doesn’t work on my Linux system with Firefox and Flash – thank God for pictures! My cat loooooved licking the left-over icecream of ice cream-on-a-stick (Dove-type) 🙂

  • mandee

    2006/04/05 at 11:53 pm

    when we give our dogs treats we just set the container on the floor and let them go at it. my little papillion usually has half his body shoved in for optimal coverage-of-body. i like the best when he eats from the chicken salad container. not only do you get a good laugh when he gets it stuck on his head, but also while he’s backing around in circles trying to get out of it. and afterwards, he’s covered in mayo. makes for great hair spiking. pets are fun that way.

  • Akgmcgirl

    2006/04/05 at 11:01 pm

    Ok, to all of you telling Heather that chocolate is bad for dogs, (which I know it is, thats not the point I’m about to make) I hope you would go back and REREAD her post. She did not give Chuck chocolate. She gave him the melted goo dribbles at the bottom of the carton of C&Cream they had FINISHED. C&Cream is made of Vanilla ice cream, with little pieces of Oreo’s. The amount of chocolate that is left in the melted goo dribbles at the bottom of a carton are nothing chuck needs to be concerned about!

  • gabip

    2006/04/05 at 11:22 pm

    Doesn’t everyone do this to their dog? Our dogs would stick their snouts in any container that promised a sweet and/or delightful food reward, cereal boxes, chip bags, empty cans of whatever, Ice Cream cartons, all bets are off when it comes to people food. Chuck seems to be in seventh heaven, if anyone complains they are just jealous that their evenings don’t end with their face in a carton of ice cream and the ability to lick their own balls all before going to bed.

  • Akgmcgirl

    2006/04/05 at 10:43 pm

    OMG!!! Thats great! Only a true dog lover could find the total humor in that!! When I was growing up I had a pet goat(his name was Howard The Buck), and one evening we heard all this banging around outside, it turned out to be the goat with a beer box totally stuck on his head. So Heather, dont feel bad your not the only family that gets their laughs from the torturing of their beloved pets!!! 😉 BTW Cookies & Cream… one of my absolute favs, (like you always wanted to know that huh!!)

  • JessicaRabbit

    2006/04/05 at 10:40 pm

    My cats do that with yogurt containers but the best part about a cat doing that is once it is on their head, they try to run backwards to get out of it. So then you have a fat backwards running cat smashing into the walls and other cats and the dogs while everyone else looks like, Hey moron what the hell???

    However I do have a VERY serious issue with you doing that to poor poor Chuck. Cookies n Cream? What is wrong with you people? Don’t you know that Blue Moon is the superior ice cream flavor? If you REALLY loved him that would be the container stuck on his head. From what I see if you keep giving him that inferior ice cream flavor he is going to live his life believing that you only moderatly like him.

  • Natalie

    2006/04/05 at 9:52 pm

    That’s awesome. 😀 We give our dogs empty peanut butter containers so they can lick them clean. It’s so funny to see them sticking their noses in them. 😉

    About the commenters who mentioned chocolate: you’re right, baker’s chocolate is VERY toxic. However, other chocolate is too, just not to the same level. A very small amount of baker’s chocolate can kill a dog. Most larger dogs can eat a chocolate bar or two without getting too sick, but in large amounts it STILL is dangerous. Definitely don’t let your dog eat chocolate if you can avoid it. If in doubt, call your vet. 🙂

  • Michelle

    2006/04/05 at 9:20 pm

    Awesome video of Chuck, keep up with the sounds and video clips you’ve been adding lately they’re great.

    I’d love to see a video of how you guys get the spaghetti wrapped around Chucks snout, still can’t figure out how you get him to sit still long enough to not only wrap the noodles but to also take pictures.

  • Angela

    2006/04/05 at 10:05 pm

    OK, so I try to view it, it says I don’t have the software and I need to download it. I download it and it tells me I already have it. So I try to veiw it again and all I get is the sound, no picture. I don’t know if I am just a computer retard (not a very politically correct term, sorry) or if this happened to other people. But I do have to say it SOUNDED cute….:)

  • doog

    2006/04/05 at 10:14 pm

    Video came right thru, no problem on Mac OS 10.4.5 – the player even looks great, very nice translucent controls.

    LAUGH OUT LOUD FUNNY. You two are crazed, but Chuck is GONE. I mean IN-Freakin-SANE. That dog is too funny. Bronze him NOW.

    Good video clip, the audio is what made me laugh, hearing Chuck LICKIN like… like… well. That’s wrong. Do it some more!!!!!


  • KfK

    2006/04/05 at 10:07 pm

    I only heard the sound byte, no video, but let me just tell you what that sound actually sounded like. Not a dog lapping at an ice cream carton,but two consentual sensual adults “lapping” each other, if you catch my drift.

  • klk

    2006/04/05 at 8:53 pm

    I’m surprised that I didn’t think of this trick first, dogs and ice cream are my two true loves. I appreciate your honesty with your readers but in this case I don’t buy it for a second that the carton accidentally slipped out of your hand and onto Chucks snout. It pretty clearly was placed there; and good for you! You have nothing to be ashamed about, it’s clear that Chuck enjoyed this episode as much as anyone else!

  • kim

    2006/04/05 at 8:56 pm

    With Kee, my first dog, my parents invented a game called elephant dog, which involved putting an old sock (old but CLEAN, dog police!) on her snout and her shaking her head about like a wild woman. Those were good times.

    However, I’ve yet to meet another dog that enjoys such antics.

  • salome

    2006/04/05 at 9:02 pm

    “practicing his Opus Dei”… oi, I love your writing. Thank you for letting me comment and tell you so. Great blog!!!

  • Chelley

    2006/04/05 at 9:13 pm

    Quicktime and Firefox don’t play well together. I was able to get to it via IE though. So cute!

  • Shutterbug

    2006/04/05 at 9:19 pm

    Do you think you could get Leta to do that at the same time? Cause that would be entertainment.

  • Zee

    2006/04/05 at 9:12 pm

    OMG that was funny!!! I especially liked when he had to use his paw to get the carton off his face…

    Thanks for posting! 🙂

  • heather j

    2006/04/05 at 8:36 pm

    err………that should have read KR. Now you know the truth— I’m only a neocon wannabe. 🙁

    I still love Chuck—-AND Leta–what a doll!

  • happy

    2006/04/05 at 8:50 pm

    Heather, I’ve been reading you for the last couple months, went back and read all your archives. I have to thank you for making me laugh out loud many times. I’ve really needed that.
    Chuck is such an exceptional individual and amazes me with his patience. My dog loves strawberry Hagaan Daz, not interested in other flavors. But, because he’s small (12 lbs, 11 years old) I always cut the container in half for him. I can’t torture him. He’s always been the most depressed, anxiety-ridden dog. He was a rescue 10 years ago. But he has an alter-ego, known to my family, not so fondly, as The RAT BASTARD from HELL. I can babble on about him. But I’m actually posting because the pictures reminded me of when the cat got his whole head stuck in a small gift bag through the loop, panicked and raced blind through the house at top speed. Not fun trying to help him get it off, but we were laughing hysterically til we could corner him.
    Thanks for the great pictures.

  • deafblind

    2006/04/05 at 8:26 pm

    Good vid! I should post up the picture of one of my cats with his head stuck in a yoghurt pot, good times….good times 😉

  • Liz

    2006/04/05 at 8:29 pm

    How come when I buy Dreyer’s ice cream a dog doesn’t come with it? 🙂

  • blurb

    2006/04/05 at 8:25 pm

    People, go to the macromedia link:

    Download the latest Flash player. Run the nstall and it will update your Flash plug-in. I did it recently and had no problems with the video. Heather’s laptop and our iMac wouldn’t display the video until we did this on both of those machines.

  • heather j

    2006/04/05 at 8:25 pm

    So, anyway Heather. It’s late Wednesday night, so I apologize if some other killjoy has posted this—–chocolate is (in general) very bad for dogs. It can kill (:0!) them!

    Anyway….I am a huge fan of your blog—mainly because of Chuck. We are poles apart politically, but somehow, that doesn’t matter— because of Chuck.

    My suggestion? Do what my husband does—-after he’s (*eaten) his apple he gives the core to our beagle. She licks the thing to death and then we dump it. She’s happy, we’re happy–and the best part is, we don’t have to worry about her heart exploding.

    ~~a neocon admirer*

    (*don’t tell CR)

  • sassy7cassy

    2006/04/05 at 8:10 pm

    Two things made my day today: calling the police on my crappy neighbors with the crappy band and those pictures of Chuck.

  • Gooly

    2006/04/05 at 8:20 pm

    So many ice cream-loving pets… I never realized my kitty is in good company when she tries to stick her nose and/ or feet in my ice cream.

    I love the Chronicles of Chuck. They are vicarious dog joy without having to deal with the poop.

  • Colleen

    2006/04/05 at 8:04 pm

    This sounds really cruel but keep in mind that I’m a CRAZY dog person. I can’t tell you just HOW MUCH I love dogs.

    Ok, try this fun family activity:

    Take one Gummi Bear (any flavor), bite it in half, lick the sticky part, stick it to the top of the dog’s nose.


    Also, it would take something like 20 pounds of chocolate to even make a dog of Chuck’s size sick, let alone kill him. I’m not saying you should shove Snickers bars down his throat but people tend to over-dramatize the CHOCOLATE WILL KILL YOUR DOG thing.

    Chuck Friday is my favorite day of the week.

  • laurellz

    2006/04/05 at 8:00 pm

    hahahahaha my dog does that with a smartfood popcorn bag… i always think shes going to kill herself, but she flips out if i take it away.

    hey, whatever, her funeral! =P

  • Karihun

    2006/04/05 at 8:00 pm

    I love your chuck posts!!! My dog is too small to get stuck in an ice cream container… but it doesn’t stop us from putting my sons outgrown 0-3 month clothes on her, taking pictures and pimping her out online lol

  • emz

    2006/04/05 at 7:51 pm

    That’s such a cute video! It doesn’t sound like you’ve got any crazies yelling at you for that yet, which is good. Don’t you just hate when ignorant people assume the worst about you from what little they know? Every winter I have to battle the PETA types who will stop me on the street and tell me that forcing my min pin to wear booties is cruel…it always leaves me with an urge to tell my dog to ATTACK even though I know he would probably just lick their ankles and roll over in his booties (which, by the way, he wears so as not to get cut from salt crystals).

    Keep on ignoring the critics and doing what you do.

  • Stacey

    2006/04/05 at 7:38 pm

    Hahahaha!! You (and Chuck) are hilarious — you make my day! I love your site so much, thank you!

  • Daxohol

    2006/04/05 at 7:49 pm

    Chuck. Love me some Chuck.
    I also love me some Haagen Daaz Carmel Cone Explosion.
    I think Chuck would too…

  • vegasandvenice

    2006/04/05 at 7:50 pm

    Personally I think that this is the very reason why you should not only have more dogs, but also more children!! I won’t expect you to of course, but if we ever need to repopulate the world I think you two should start!

    That’s not too much pressure is it? Again, I am not expecting anything, but it would be great!

  • Sue

    2006/04/05 at 7:08 pm

    I believe that all dogs have an affinity for ice cream, and in case of ice cream bucket on the nose, they are able to breathe through their ears. What a cutie! When my old dog, Chippie, died, my mother didn’t know what to do with cardboard ice cream containers (it was a LONG time ago) or dirty casserole dishes. She depended on him to clean them so they could be further dealt with – thrown out or washed, respectively.

  • GingerLane

    2006/04/05 at 6:56 pm

    I’m all for dogs getting their heads wedged in things in the name of goodie consumption, so I won’t yell at you. There isn’t enough chocolate in what was left at the edges to make him sick, so come on people, let that go.

    Strangely I can hear the video, just no visual. I do have QuickTime. I’m viewing on Mozilla, Windows XP. Bummer, but I will survive.

  • jes

    2006/04/05 at 6:58 pm

    oh, Chuckie! did you notice how his right paw went up first, which surely gave him momentum for the lapping and further shoving his face into the carton. you should breed Chuck – we’d all buy clones.

  • beau.raines

    2006/04/05 at 6:57 pm

    Your blog is great!
    I really like the product placement, too!
    That is a Dreyer’s ad in the making…

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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