An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Even I can’t believe I’m allowed to have a dog

One late evening last October Jon and I finished the last few scoops of a carton of Cookies ‘N Cream ice cream. Chuck was practicing Opus Dei rituals in the basement when he heard us walking toward the freezer in the kitchen and before we knew it he had drooled a path up the stairs. Jon and I sat on the couch in the living room with the carton of ice cream between us as Chuck pressed his wet nose into my knee. Whenever we sit down to have a meal he walks over to my leg and presses his snout firmly into my flesh. It’s his way of saying, “Remember me? I’m cute.”

After we finished off the ice cream that night I made Chuck perform a few tricks and then I held the carton at an angle so he could get at the melted goo at the bottom of the carton. By that point he was so ravenous that the force of his tongue pulled the ice cream carton out of my hands and lodged it firmly on his face. He didn’t make any indication that he was in discomfort so instead of pulling it off his snout we grabbed the cameras. I posted the digital photos of this circus act here, and today I found the video which you can see here. In it you can actually hear the sound of his lapping tongue suctioning the cardboard to his face.

(For those of you who don’t have Quicktime installed on your computer you should be able to see this video if you have the Flash player, the latest version of which you can find here. If you have any other problems viewing the video leave the details in the comments along with the Anti-Ice Cream Carton on the Dog Snout Activists who will yell at me for attempting to suffocate my dog. It should be good times!)

  • haha…that’s funny…your dog’s really cute…and i LOVE cookies ‘n cream ice cream…it’s right up there with chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream….yum.

  • this odly reminds me of that time i got my hand stuck in a tube of pringels.

    damn chips.
    damn ice cream.

    every 5 seconds someone gets a body part suck in a food receptacle.. when will the madness stop?!

  • I think it’s very cruel to do that to your dog: eating all the ice-cream and only leaving him the goo in the bottom of the carton! 😉
    Great video, btw.

  • I love that your first instinct was to capture the image.

    Clearly, Dreyer’s is missing a huge market. And it’s nice to see how environmentally conscious Chuck is, cleaning out the ice cream tub before it hits the curb for recycling. Good boy!

  • Julie

    I had no trouble hearing the audio but I couldn’t see the video. FYI, I have an Apple iBook running 10.4.6 with version 7.0.4 of Quicktime.

    Love your site. 🙂

  • erin rae

    Damn – since I don’t touch feces or PCs, does that mean I’m out of luck?

    I can only see the play button and bar. G4 running OSX, Firefox 1.5

    I want to see the supermutt in action!

  • I went to the trouble of making a TypeKey account just so I could tell you that Chuck is adorable! I love how he uses his paw to get the carton off. It’s just so precious! 🙂

  • Kate

    Hmm, similar to what I do when I finish a carton of ice cream. Except… I’m in.. Chuck’s position… eh heh… what?

  • Priceless. I used to dress my dog up in my easter bonnets. And I may or may not have put a tutu on him. But I think the worst was when I would wrap his head up with an Ace bandage. Then we would see how tiny his head really was. Keep in mind, I was young at the time.
    That dog LOVED Oreos, ice cream, cake. He thought he was people and even had his own spot for birthday parties. I miss that dog. *sigh*

  • Laura Horacefield

    You totally made Chuck’s week! He loved that. My dog loves ice cream too but he would try to eat the carton too because he could smell the ice cream on the cardboard?!?

  • UndoneLady

    We loved the video of Chuck. My two boys were laughing hysterically.

  • I should try that with my cats…and a smaller container. Maybe some pink ice cream. Pink looks good on them.

  • Diva*Licious

    I love the pictures!!! I used to have a miniature doberman that would do the same thing with the empty ice cream cartons (although, it was the little individual sizes b/c anything else woulda covered him up). Love your blog!

  • Chloe

    Toast for the dog for breakfast?

    Ha! Pikers.

    I was making our Lab his own bowl of oatmeal up until recently when he started audibly f@rting and I thought maybe it was due to the half and half.

    With that long neck of his, I always think Egyptian when I see Chuck.

  • kimmiwah

    Count me in as an irresponsible pet owner as well. It sure is fun though to put that huge dallop of peanut butter on the roof of their mouths!

  • I can’t view the video, either, but then again, I’m running Linux, and I’m used to having things not work. I was able to watch the last one that you uploaded to YouTube, though. For some reason, I have no trouble with that site. It likes me.

  • He is so cute. The video plays great for me, never any issues. I think you should have MORE videos. I am a huge fan of the food/things on Chuck’s head… and this was even better!

  • Did you even think to ask Chuck if he was lactose intolerant? I’m getting a bloated gassy feel just thinking about it!

  • dodgemedlin

    Cruel? Nah, not unless you made him cry it off.

    Also, I’d like to note that in your post the other day, you said, “I used to be an energetic cross stitcher …” For a second, I read “energetic cross dresser.” No idea why.

  • JulieS

    Dooce –

    I can’t be bothered to read the comments, (your Comment rule J is just wonderful) but in case there are any nasty trolls weighing in, I send you support and admiration. I love this website.


  • b.

    Very few internet experiences can actually make me laugh out loud, but the sight of Chuck pulling the carton off his face and then going back for more was utterly priceless. 🙂 It’s just one of the reasons why it’s so easy to love a dog.

  • Too funny! My Chihuahua will get her head stuck in drinking glasses in that same manner.

  • So funny! We used to do that to our dog too. She got so she could recognize when my dad was scraping the bottom of the carton and would sit at attention, just waiting for him to put it on the floor. That damn dog was so spoiled, my parents would make her her own piece of toast at breakfast.

  • Ummm…I am totally going to do that tonight. Except the carton will be on MY head because my dogs only eat meat & cheese. Heather, you’re always inspiring me to do crazy things, thank you!

  • Aww, Chuck is such a darling dog! When I think about what sort of dog I’d like to (eventually) have (when I have room for one!) I think of one kinda like Chuck. Dogs and babies always make me smile…so your site is like CandyLand or something.

  • Who needs a dishwasher when you have a Chuck? My dog’s housecleaning abilities are noticeably stunted. Maybe that’s because I never share my ice cream.

  • That’s not cruel. What’s cruel is when I’m eating ice cream in front of my salivating dogs and go over and over “ooooh, this ice cream is so gooood, you guys don’t know what you’re missing”. If you hear about a sharpei and a terrier tearing apart their owner, it’s probably me.

  • ice cream = milk = calcium. everything is healthy when you break it down…

  • Sooooo unrelated to your adorable dog with his ice cream cap / asphyxiation device. Love your blog. It’s what got me blogging and now I’m addiction. REALLY really dislike people criticizing you, but I suppose that’s part of being a human. My question is – help! I need a web designer for a small business I’m starting (simple four pages). I know you’ve done this in the past (or something similar). Any suggestions? Know anyone? It’s for a professional wedding consulting business – I say professional so you don’t think I want some cheesy floral drippy site!! Something sophisticated… simple… like

    Thanks! And keep it up, isn’t it worth it to be with Leta? She’s adorable and for the record I totally support educated mothers staying home – well-educated mothers having the time to teach our children good values will help reshape culture (for godsakes!!!).

  • Wow, that was great. Did you plan it?

  • you should try that with a near empty jar of peanut butter — ENDLESS hours of entertainment!!

  • That is one talented dog! Too funny.

  • When I was a kid we had a dog named Nipper. My mom was the lovingly cruel type. She’d get red jujubes and stick them on all 4 pointy teeth and his tongue would just about twist in knots trying to get them off. Sometimes she’d pile about 2 inches of peanut butter on a cracker and shove it against the roof of his mouth. Without the benefit of milk, he would lick and lick, and by the time it was all over, his tongue would seem about 2 feet long, but he would lay on the floor at her feet, exhausted and happy.

  • i give my dog a big mouthful of peanut butter and then take pictures of him trying to eat it/lick it off his face.

  • you are no less cruel to your dog than i am to mine. take yesterday. battle of the century was waged in my driveway. josh vs the harbor crab.

    i know i should have let both little creatures live in peace, but a stand off ensued and how could i deny the contenst.

    in the end, i think it was a draw. josh had a few pinches on his jowls and the crab, well, he lost a limb.

    i almost lost my lunch laughing, but hey, i’m a sick bastard.

  • Carli

    God, I wish I could eat bacon for a month.

  • I was just thinking how nice it would be if I only had that much focus. Then I realized that I do…for ice cream. The main difference between Chuck and I is snout length, the lucky bastard.

  • Adrianek


    I have found your site in a magazine a few months back. After reading you humorous posts I discovered you are the daughter to the amazing lady that hired me. I absolutely love your mother. I am on the Prestige team in California. I see now that none of her stories of Sienna and the twins were fish tales.

  • ash

    I do that to my dog, it is just usually the Ben and Jerry’s carton. She too has too much fun with it!

  • LOVE it !! Lol what good are kids and pets if not to amuse us!!

    LOVE the blog btw.. Its just so… LIFE!!

    Ngaire In Brisbane Australia

  • Becky

    Forget the ice cream. You MUST STOP THE OPUS DEI rituals.

  • I just finished reading The Da Vinci Code a few days ago, otherwise the Opus Dei comment would have sailed right over my head. Thank God for Dan Brown.

  • Love the “Video Evidence of How Chuck Got His Long Neck.” PRICELESS!

    And I hope you don’t change the fabulous content of your blog, now that your mother’s friends are watching!

  • It’s like he can’t decide whether he’s in misery or exctacy.

  • codepoet80

    OMFG you cruel people! You could have killed that dog! Someone should called the humane society!!!1

    …just kidding.

  • I love the “melted goo” at the bottom of the ice cream cartoon…thank god my head can’t fit inside of one…

    Regarding Leta and chocolate covered crackers. I have a friend who is a pediatrian and her 2 year old son refused to eat anythin g but bacon for a month. So he ate bacon for a month. And he’s still a smart kid, lightning didn’t strike anyone in their family, and my friend didn’t lose her medical license.

  • Carli

    Can you imagine how much food we’d waste if not for our furry faithful companions? Ice cream, sandwich crusties, goldfish crackers out of broom reach, but not too far for (dun dah dah dah) Supertongue! Animal “lovers” who think that this is in any way cruel should put an ice cream bucket on their heads and lick. Hell, they might find somewhat of a bright spot in their dreary, universe-policing lives. Bless the pooches, and ice cream, too!

  • Johnnydrummer

    Typical greedy Congressman. His time out of office has not mellowed him at all.

  • mediaguy74

    You need to send that into Americas funniest videos and cash in on this hidden talent. Ka-Ching! Too funny. Between Chuck and Leta you guys seem to have a great time being entertained.

  • Oh, and as long as I am into confessions with my dog… my son has shared that the dog and he agree that it would much more fun to have me get high with them.

    But I must draw the line somewhere.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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