the smell of my desperation has become a stench

The great and dreadful day of the Lord

Yesterday while standing in line at the grocery store I noticed that the Deseret Book display — Deseret Book is a Mormon book publisher — had some new titles in, including this delightful guide for teenagers:

Like, I totally can’t wait for the Second Coming! All those people who didn’t pay their tithing are, like, going to burn! Their flesh will, like, SIZZLE. And the earthquakes and disease and famine, those are kinda sad and all, but totally necessary, to weed out the evil-doers. Those who are righteous when he comes won’t get hurt, though. Cool, huh? I just hope he comes, like, during the day and not in the middle of the night because, like, I’ll be SO EMBARRASSED if I have to go to heaven in my pajamas.

I can attest to the fact that Mormon teenagers are preoccupied with the thought of how awesome the Second Coming is going to be, and not with, say, how awesome it will be to kiss with tongue for the first time, like, when they’re married.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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