An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Ask nicely

In an effort to offset some of the eventual bad habits she might learn from us, like scratching her parts in public or asking a member of the wait staff for some ketchup to put on her steak, we’re trying to get Leta to ask for things nicely. It’s the least we could offer humanity.

Whenever she demands something that isn’t unreasonable, like chocolate candy for breakfast or maybe some ice in her bourbon, we stop her and tell her not to ask us like that. “Say please,” one of us will say, and then we wait for her to comply. If she doesn’t then we try something more convincing. Like spanking. Or yanking her fingers out of their sockets.

We didn’t realize that after she says please both of us were praising her with a hearty, “That’s right!” until she started tacking that on to her request: “More chips, please, that’s right!” And now when we tell her to ask nicely she always includes “that’s right!” plus an extra “huh?” because it’s all she ever hears.
If both Jon and I were forced to take that one word out of our vocabulary this house would suddenly become a family of mutes.

Here is an audio clip of Leta asking nicely.

  • Mia

    Multimedia days on your site make me SO happy! She’s hilarious.

  • All I ever ask is that the demand comes with a “please”.

  • Such little parrots. My niece is currently very busy telling everyone, “I look very pretty” with great certainty (she just got her first REAL haircut).

  • wrensuicide

    SO. CUTE.

    What was she asking for? There were lots of “eeee”s in the “pwease”, so it must have been something good.

  • I love the slightly patronizing emphasis on PWWEEEASE. That’s right, Leta!

  • ktjane

    can i have a leta too? please, that’s right!

    she is so precious!

  • How cute is she?

    I just read your sleeping post. Is Leta going through a growth spurt? My first would ask to go to bed in the afternoon, or early in the evening and when she woke up, her face would be a bit more mature and she’d be a hair taller. She’s almost nine now and still does this, and is almost taller than me.

  • rebecca

    I used to babysit a little boy who, when I would say “Say please!” would reply “You’re welcome!” I guess that’s better than nothing.

  • kawaface

    awww…how adorable. i could detect your southern accent, as well!

  • Camille

    My son, who is about a month older than Leta, says “Please welcome yeah” with an emphatic nod of his head.

  • How funny! Isn’t it amazing the way that they absorb not only the words you use, but the syntax and grammar as well?

  • I think you’ve got the lyrics to the next summer dance hit on your hands.

    “PLEASE!!!That’s right!”

  • Fox

    I love the long belaboured PWEEEEASE, that’s right.

    Makes it so much more meaningful. No really, PWEEEEEASE.

    Best thing to tell her, If she asks for ice in her bourbon nicely, the bartender is more likely to give her more. Nicely.

  • jw

    You’ve got this parenting thing down cold! I like Mania’s style as well.

    Bundle of Joy #2, an adorable boy, once told a sweet little old lady in the store who dared to speak to him, “Shutty uppy!”

    Fortunately the old bat couldn’t hear.

  • Awww… that is too damn cute.

    I love to hear you, too, Heather.

  • tk

    That was just the cutest thing ever!!!

    Please tell me you are going to put the video clip of the reading/farting session back up. I missed getting to see it before you temporarily removed it.


  • About the sleeping thing…

    I have a baby who does that… asks to go to bed.

    I’m thinking of selling her for 309 million (cash, small unmarked bills). I’m quite certain she’s worth more than that, but I don’t want to be greedy.

  • Love the Leta audio huh! I am always amazed at how Southern you sound Heather.

  • That’s right! that’s awesome 🙂

  • Glad to see we aren’t the only ones who allow ice in their bourbon 😉

  • Awwww! 🙂 Tiny bit of sarcasm there too, methinks? Heh.

  • That’s so funny. You guys have REALLY got to watch what you’re saying around that little gal! Please … that’s right.

  • Adorable, that’s right!

    At least when you ask her, “What do you say?” she doesn’t say, “NOW”.

    Just wait 🙂

  • aww..she’s so adorable!

  • mania72

    My firstborn said Please and Thank you in Sign language when he was seven months old. This weekend I asked baby #3 “What do you say?” She looked at me very confused and said, “Gimme it?”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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