the smell of my desperation has become a stench

For his own good

“Heather, have you seen my clogs?”

“Your clogs?”

“Yes, my clogs.”

Oh! You mean those shoes that look like the warted claws of a creature who lives under a bridge and dines on the intestines of ferrets?”

“I’m serious. Where are they?”

Those things you forced our dog to wear, and then afterward his paws fell off?”

“Where did you put them?”

“I think I may have accidentally destroyed them.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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