the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Clog Standoff: Hour 51

  • rose

    2006/06/23 at 7:26 am

    Die clogs DIE!!! =)

  • textimage

    2006/06/23 at 7:39 am

    I think it ironic that following this entry is “on being a total nut job”. Perfect!

  • chelle

    2006/06/23 at 7:41 am

    Stand strong, woman. He’s just testing your boundaries–just like the other kid does, although I’m sure Leta has better taste in shoes.

  • cmoonchild

    2006/06/23 at 7:42 am

    I have gone over to the Croc way with the purchase of the flip-flops. I will say they are insanely comfy. Give Jon back his comfort!

  • Shelley Bonnechance

    2006/06/23 at 7:13 am

    [veering madly off-topic,having read Monkeyaker’s #8 post; typing in a hushed, wide-eyed sort of way]

    They make PANTIES out of FROOT ROLL-UP??!!

    Oh, that is so wrong. So very wrong. Wouldn’t pubic hairs get stuck on the panties and then…EWWWWW!…be EATEN??!!

    I am going into an alarming, full-body shudder that is making my teeth rattle.

  • Kristin

    2006/06/23 at 7:03 am

    i’m with you Heather. These plastic clogs are awful! GO DOOCE!

  • Shelley Bonnechance

    2006/06/23 at 7:05 am

    Clogs are horrible and shouldn’t be allowed.

    Those Croc things that people are wearing are just terrible. Terrible! They make everyone have clown feet, even tiny little children whose feet are the size of a deck of cards. And those wretched, wretched colors….

    And then there are winter clogs.

    My 11-year-old had some winter clogs that she wore with socks last winter and one day I picked them up off the living room floor where she’d left them and happened to catch a foul miasma wafting up from those things. OH. MY. GOSH. The SMELL. From my child’s adorable little feet!

    I don’t know what adult winter clogs are capable of smelling like. I will never find out. Yea, I say unto thee: verily, verily clogs will never be worn upon my feet or upon the feet of my husband. Even though we limp barefoot through the valley of poison-colored crocs, we will fear no evil footwear.

  • javamama

    2006/06/23 at 6:35 am

    one word:
    these sport sandals at least have a rugged quality…
    i refuse to allow any adult member in my family own CRAPS, oops, CROCS as they are the nastiest shoe I have ever seen…

  • Courtney

    2006/06/23 at 6:59 am

    I hate those clogs. They are one of the fugliest things ever invented in footwear. I wear Birks, but they are not made of day-glo plastic. If you are over the age of 6, you should not wear them. Period. Unless you are gardening.

    Just say NO to Crocks.

  • karenology

    2006/06/23 at 6:35 am

    Also, they look like they smell. Swiss cheese on your feet, anyone?

  • jeffeners

    2006/06/23 at 5:40 am

    I now think we’re all missing the point. After reading all these responses I’ve decided that what we don’t need is a spouse. Wear what you want, where you want, when you want, without fear of it being banned, buried, borrowed, or burned.

  • RoboRanch

    2006/06/23 at 5:54 am

    Here is a picture of someone graduating from The University of Michigan who is wearing clogs:

    I think the title, “discussing ethics and values”, is very appropriate to your clog standoff.

  • Cyclothymia

    2006/06/23 at 6:00 am

    Oh come now, they’re not stylish, but they ARE ridiculously comfy, and who cares about being stylish around the house.

    Guys do look even goofier than women in them though. You could suggest a compromise – he can wear them, but they have to be pink. That way chuck will have matching options for front and back feet.

  • wealhtheow

    2006/06/23 at 6:25 am

    It hurts me to say this, but I am completely against you. I am joining as a proud member of the Clog Army. And quite frankly, if I could get away with it, I would absolutely wear my Birks to work. When I lived in NorCal, Birks with socks were a regular part of my winter wardrobe. I am fashion-impaired and PROUD!

  • karenology

    2006/06/23 at 6:29 am

    The Manolo would bless you! Comfort does not entail the hideous.

  • Kat

    2006/06/23 at 6:30 am

    I hear that good ol’ G.W. wears clogs…

    Dooce, hope that little bit of ammo helps in your fight.

  • slickwilliejr

    2006/06/23 at 5:34 am

    troops….this is your general speaking…


    general slick willie jr
    clog army

  • TorontoSue

    2006/06/23 at 4:40 am

    Clogs are absolutely awful! At first I thought people were wearing them as a joke, now they’re everywhere and in style. I know people are saying they’re comfortable, and if they are that’s great because I know from heel-shredding shoes. But still! Come on people! PEOPLE WHO WEAR THEM ARE NERDS, plain and simple.

  • JimBell

    2006/06/23 at 4:43 am

    My husband had a pair of pants that I buried in the back yard. Seriously.

  • Michael Brooks

    2006/06/23 at 5:18 am

    Clogs are inherently evil (especially Crocs), and I fully support Heather’s war on clog terror.

    Clog wearers are very high on the list of domestic terror suspects published by DHS, by the way. They are right after “Islamic protesters who shout ‘Death to America'” and right before “Ex-military types who read ‘The Turner Diaries.'”

  • thebeatofmyrants

    2006/06/23 at 3:48 am

    But what about wooden clogs? Is it okay to sport a fashion atrocity when it’s part of your culture? (queries the American girl now living in Holland…)

  • Nils Ling

    2006/06/23 at 4:05 am

    FREE THmmmmphhphhhh.

    Move along, folks. Nothing to see here. Just another man unwilling to exchange comfort for the tyranny of Style.

    We’ve taken care of him.

  • Becky

    2006/06/23 at 1:39 am

    They came to take away our slipper socks, but I didn’t wear slipper socks, so I said nothing. They came to take away our UGGS, but I didn’t wear UGGs, so I said nothing. They came to take away our clogs, but I didn’t wear clogs, so I said nothing. They came to take away our strappy sandals, and there was no one left to speak for me. So I got to go barefooted, which is what a Southern girl wants anyway, really. (But I still think Jon should get to wear his clogs.)

  • Mikey

    2006/06/23 at 2:05 am

    my wife wears these at work. Being on her feet all day she likes them.

  • OneBabyMama

    2006/06/23 at 3:17 am

    See, this is where I am torn…those Duck things are DAMN ugly, but I have been the proud owner of some pretty sleek black suede clogs, and some wooly hippie clogs…but I also have some awesome spike heels! Where, oh where do I fit in!?
    I am going to take a proud stance on the fence with this one. 😉
    (long time reader, first time poster…finally caved and got a damn typekey account. :-p)

  • randomkiwi

    2006/06/23 at 12:13 am


    Is it just killing you that with all this clog banter there are now CLOG ADs on this page??? Advertising for the enemy – oh no!!!!
    We don’t really have clog issues here in the UK, Holland is keeping the entire European allowance, so we’re safe. Thank you Holland!!

  • melinda

    2006/06/22 at 9:41 pm

    Free his clogs! Like I commented on Blurb…

    Heels = bunions
    Clogs = healthy feet!

  • diana

    2006/06/22 at 10:02 pm

    Crocs Rule!
    I have three – navy blue, baby blue and red (to match my kayak). I don’t, however. think they should be worn just anywhere. For me they’re water shoes – beach, lake, river. Since I love them so, I find them very sexy…and if someone tried to take mine, I might just have to hurt them.

  • mandee

    2006/06/22 at 11:40 pm

    perhaps i’m a little late on this comment, but to the person who said they’re
    i live in europe, my boyfriend is european, all my friends are european and the clogs fall into the same category as three-quarter length pants on men–laughable. clogs: euro, maybe. chic, not.

    but if it was me, i’d let him wear them, just not outside the house.

  • Sara

    2006/06/22 at 9:38 pm

    Wow. So many clog haters! This is really so amusing, though. I’m on the edge of my seat. I have to admit I love my brown leather dankso clogs (and I have a pair of mary jane clogs too. Please don’t kick me out!). I do not consider my clogs “dress up” in any way, but they are at times part of my teacher uniform. I am slightly embarrased to admit the length of time I wore my birkenstock clogs in college, but those were the old days and the clogs are long gone. At any rate, clogs do not necessarily make the man. Where does Jon want to wear them, anyway? I’m still not clear on that. If I ever own crocs, I think I’d save them for gardening or a quick trip to buy beer. Unless he’s tried to wear them during sex, I’d say let the man keep them.

  • KristyJ

    2006/06/22 at 7:54 pm

    This is very bad. I just called my husband over to the computer and said, “Hey, look at Jon’s ugly shoes!” and he went, “Those aren’t bad! Those are cool lookin’!” I’m now afraid of what will happen if we ever see a pair while shopping.

  • Ms Z

    2006/06/22 at 7:57 pm

    It could be worse–they could be orange!!! I really think they should burn all the crocs, but I’m afraid that they could damage the ozone layer and cause the artic to melt faster. Jon it’s time for big boy shoes…listen to the wife on this one!!

  • Jennifer in Ohio

    2006/06/22 at 7:58 pm

    A right to wear clogs? Um, no. He has a right to freedom of speech, a right to bear arms, a right to due process. He does NOT have a right to wear those butt ugly plastic eyesores. Tell him straight up- no more rocking your brickhouse until he drops this ridiculous fight.

  • Mrs X

    2006/06/22 at 8:17 pm

    I saw the most hideous pair of clogs that were ever spun from the bowels of hell today. They were tye-dye American Flag clogs. Worn by Damian himself.
    I had to lock myself in the van to keep from setting them on fire.

  • Jenn

    2006/06/22 at 8:29 pm

    You think those clogs are bad? My boyfriend wore this HORRENDOUS white Reeboks straight out of 1983 for like a year. The day they went out to the dumpster was one of the best days of my life. Keep fighting the good fight!!

    Love the site! I love that you are able to take ordinary things that happen during ordinary days, and make them sound extraordinary

  • signot

    2006/06/22 at 7:47 pm

    Okay, am I losing it, or did someone actually type the words “dress-up clogs”. I’m imagining men in suits wearing their fancy dress-up clogs to formal functions. Don’t know if I can handle the hotness.

  • Smacky

    2006/06/22 at 7:35 pm

    I have to say that I don’t mind clogs on young children. It’s cute in a way. However, if they’re on more older, mature people it’s a bit of a problem.

  • PK

    2006/06/22 at 7:19 pm

    Heh. You can’t win…everyone gives into the Dark Side sooner or later. The entire state of Colorado has gone over. It’s so much better not to fight. Dooon’t fiiiight….
    Better give ’em back or he might go out and buy the flip-flops.

  • Lileesgram

    2006/06/22 at 7:25 pm

    Psst Jon….

    They have more clogs at Payless CHEAP!! There are bright blue/pink/yellow ones like I have and neon green and yellow……

    I think you should get the lime neon green ones! LOL

  • Jon Z.

    2006/06/22 at 7:33 pm

    Several months ago, when I read your first “Jon’s clogs”-related post, I thought you were joking. The possibility that a man—hell, gender, shmender—the possibility that *anyone* would ever wear those things was inconceivable to me.

    I’m with Heather on this one. Sorry, Jon.

  • 1twopass

    2006/06/22 at 6:25 pm

    my friends where those clogs. I can’t stand them. How can you be expected to be taken seriously in bright orange clown shoes! Course the people that I know that wear them are puppeteers. So maybe they are allowed to have funky and i mean FUNKY fashion taste.

  • skissman

    2006/06/22 at 6:25 pm

    Hey, I’m not a nurse, but they do force me to wear a white lab coat. I own a blue pair with flowers, and a sedate khaki pair. Wonderfully comfy, but not a guys’ shoe.

  • jaclyng

    2006/06/22 at 6:30 pm

    Okay, two things:

    a) I actually own those clogs and while they may be hideously ugly, they are the most comfortable things i have ever put on my feet.

    b) My one dream in life is that my man would wear clogs. WAKE UP TO THE BEAUTY IN FRONT OF YOU!!

  • anneelizmary

    2006/06/22 at 6:20 pm


    OK–I’ve only read to no. 81, but for the sakes of Moxie (57), JenBlake (no.66), and Karyn (no. 75) for God’s sake, give the man back his clogs. They have convinced me (especially Moxie) that if you don’t recant/repent/return quickly you are likely to get 197 moldy fruitcakes, clogs out the wazoo in every size and color employed as canvases, planters, jello molds, and cooky tins, and any number of other footwear unmentionables (except for the occasional sock puppet, of course) that will either pollute or float upon the Great Salt Lake should you try to get them out of town.

  • Laurie

    2006/06/22 at 6:07 pm

    I tend to pick my battles with Jackson (there is NO WAY I am even letting him THINK about buying a Hummer to drive to work), and so if you feel this is one that’s worth fighting, big up to the sisterhood.

    That said, I’m willing to bet that you’ll be getting tons of pairs in the mail and Jon will take to hiding them from you. In caves. Pretty soon you’ll be getting video theats from the shoe closet, and then you’ll be in this never ending thing…..:)

    Alot of doc wear the cros as well, give them their love along with the nurses and chefs.

  • Natasha

    2006/06/22 at 6:13 pm

    Heather, I completely agree. Those clogs – HIDEOUS!

  • Darlin'

    2006/06/22 at 5:59 pm

    Viva Los Clogs!

  • Lauren

    2006/06/22 at 6:04 pm

    From a first glance, I thought that was the action man symbol on the front. Hahaha.

    They’re more like Jelly Shoes. I think you should buy him some wooden clogs, and tell him to stomp around in those for three days solid before you give him those ones back..

    Mwhahaa. *Insert evil laugh here.*

  • Dave

    2006/06/22 at 5:32 pm

    Those are really cool looking shoes in the graphic. What brand are they and where can I get a pair? Thanks!

  • carla

    2006/06/22 at 5:35 pm

    ooogy, I saw a bizillion of these clogs with and without socks, in “Poorlando” and wondered why the hell any one would wear them, still don’t know.

1 2 3 6

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more