An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Love is blind

“Stop looking at it.”

“I’m not looking at it.”

“Yes you are. I’m looking at your eyes right now, and they’re looking directly at it.”

“When did it happen?”

“How long have we been married? I always break out when I’m stressed out. Always right there on the side of my face.”

“What have you been stressed out about?”

“I don’t know if you remember, but a few days ago I was convinced that our dog had been abducted by poachers and was on his way to be sold for parts.”

“You know, from this angle you can’t even see it.”

“STOP LOOKING AT IT.”

“And even if I look at it from this angle over here, it’s doesn’t look that big.”

“JON.”

“It’s only when I get really close like this that I’m afraid it might suck me in with its massive gravitational force.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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