An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

On being the mother

“What are y’all reading?”

“One of her new Dora books.”

“Which one?”

“The very exciting one in which Dora imagines all the different things she could be when she grows up, like a doctor or a scientist.”

“You mean she’s not hoping to grow up to be a blogger?”

“Not in this version, no. But the best part is Boots, the monkey who follows her everywhere, he wants to be a teacher when he gets older.”

“I imagine that Boots is going to be seriously pissed when he gets older and realizes that monkeys only get to grow up to be monkeys.”

“There is a reason I am the fun one and you’re the one whose name she always yells when taking a breath between screams.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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