An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Holing up for the weekend

Hotel in the Middle of Nowhere, Utah

Today I drove down to a hotel in the nether regions of Utah to camp out by myself and try to finish off some stuff I’ve got due very early next week. I had forgotten about this, but the billboards along the freeway in Utah get much more conservative the farther south you go, and there was this one point at about American Fork (pronounced Merkin Fark) that I almost crashed the car because I could not believe the advertisement, which basically said, Look, We know you’ve got A LOT of kids, like, more than most humans will ever see in a lifetime, including two sets of twins only ten months apart, and you must be sick of all that laundry, right? So we came up with the perfect solution for you. Are you ready? CAN YOU STAND IT? Picture this: a house that has a larger-than-normal laundry room! A bigger laundry room. This will fix your life!

You know what would really fix that particular life? More oral sex. From someone who knows what they are doing.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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