Playful, elegant, and not above the judicious use of the word “shit."

Don’t knock my hobbies

I’m in the kitchen slicing a green pepper to put into a pot of pasta sauce when I hear Brian Williams on NBC Nightly News say something about how, in the next half-hour, Brad Pitt will be walking Ann Curry through his new green architecture project in New Orleans. I holler into the living room, “PAUSE IT!” Because I am very interested in architecture. Yes, that’s right. Architecture. And certain people who could be talking about it while topless.

Jon lets out a heavy, black moan. “He didn’t say that Brad Pitt was going to show Ann Curry his testicles.”

“Does that mean I should be disappointed?” I ask.

He clarifies, “I’m just saying.”

“Because that’s what women sit around and talk about? Are you serious?”

“What?”

“Testicles.”

“That’s what you were hoping for, no?

“It’s like, right after I tell my friends where I got my new shoes on sale, I’m all, AND THEN HE SHOWED ME HIS TESTICLES, AND IT WAS SO HOT.”

“I knew women were gross.”

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