An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Breakfast of champions

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because you just poured half that bottle of hazelnut flavoring into your coffee.”

“I checked the label, and there isn’t an ounce of high fructose corn syrup in this stuff.”

Blink.

“Stop blinking like that. This is not in violation of our diet.”

“Jon, look at the ingredients again.”

“Okay, look. See? No where does it say high fructose corn syrup.”

“What is listed as the first ingredient?”

“What?”

“THE FIRST INGREDIENT.”

“Um… pure cane sugar?”

“And how many ingredients are there?”

“One… two… three?”

“You just poured a half a bottle of sugar into your coffee.”

“THIS DIET IS SO CONFUSING.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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