the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Overheard at a restaurant, presumably between two people who are very much in love

“I can’t believe you just did that. That’s just so retarded.”

“I really hate it when you use that word like that.”

“What? Retarded? That’s how you’re acting. Retarded.”

“Do you even know how high my IQ is?”

“It can’t be that high because you’re acting retarded.”

“130. My IQ is 130.”

“So what? Mine is 1050.”

“IQ, you idiot, not your SAT score.”


Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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