the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Because mother nature did something wrong

Jon was walking into the grocery store the other night when it started snowing, and because he knew that I was probably at home DYING OF A BROKEN HEART, he picked up these tulips while he was there. When he walked in the door he was holding the bouquet out in front of him and said, “I LOVE YOU.” In a totally preemptive tone, like DO NOT ASSUME THAT I GOT THESE FOR YOU BECAUSE I DID SOMETHING WRONG. I knew there was a reason I liked him.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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