An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Where is Heather and what have you done with her body?

So a lot of people have some pretty strong opinions about my diet. WHO KNEW. I don’t think I’ve written something so controversial since I announced that I was pregnant and was flooded with some angry email about why? WHY? Why go and do that? NOT THAT! NOT A HUMAN BABY! Because then I’d change and this website would become nothing but teddy bears and Martha Stewart craft projects (which I have nothing against, I just tend to glue my fingers together). I’d lose my edge and write about nothing but play dates and which breast pump was easiest on the nipples. And I was all, let me get this straight, I have a choice between keeping you as a reader of my website or bringing precious life into this world? Hmmm. Let me think about that one.

Now I’ve got people worried that if I choose to give up meat something similar will happen. Perhaps I should mention that I was a vegetarian for almost eight years, from the beginning of college up through the time that I moved to Los Angeles. During those years (Dad, please turn your head for the rest of this sentence) I left the Mormon Church, had premarital sex, smoked pot, and said fuck for the first time out loud. So you can pretty much blame all those corrupt vegetables for the apartment I have reserved in Hell.

No, I am not going to become a preachy vegetarian, or, depending on how I feel after this cleanse, a preachy VEGAN. THERE I SAID IT. I may just give up animal products all together, I haven’t decided yet, but it seems just that much more tempting because the word pisses so many people off. It’s as if the definition of the word for many people who eat meat is I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG. And although I’ve met some pretty insufferable vegans in my lifetime, ones who spend their lives being very angry at anyone who eats differently than they do, the majority of the ones I know are lovely, thoughtful people who have made a personal choice. And of course they are the ones who are making the most convincing argument for their lifestyle.

(I should probably point out that I’ve met some pretty insufferable omnivores, too, but most of them spend their lives being very angry at anyone who has a bigger penis.)

Do I think that a 21-day cleanse is going to solve all my problems? Of course not. I never said it would. It is a start, a first step toward something bigger. I have physically felt like crap for years, and considering how I feel right now on day three of a cleanse it’s pretty obvious I’ve got some serious problems with my diet, in particular with caffeine. I have a headache that started yesterday afternoon and continued up until about an hour ago, a headache so awful that I thought jabbing my hand with a knife might be a more pleasant distraction. I normally drink about four to five cups of coffee every morning, plus two or three Diet Cokes in the afternoon. And then the sugar, THE SUGAR, and oh, the alcoholic drink I have with dinner that sometimes ends up being the alcoholic drinks I have with dinner. I’ve got some major changes to make concerning what I put in my body, and knowing my mind and habits, I decided that this cleanse would set me in the right direction. When the 21 days are over I’m certain I will add sugar and caffeine and alcohol back into my diet, albeit in smaller, more thoughtful quantities than a 32-oz Frappuccino spiked with rum.

Will I add gluten back into my diet? I don’t know yet, that depends on how good or bad I feel at the end, or if adding it back causes some serious problems. And as for meat, I still don’t know but I am open right now to the possibility of giving it up. That’s been the weirdest thing so far about this experience, how reasonable this diet seems as I’m eating. Many people in yesterday’s comments suggested that this is a “deprivation” diet, and I could not disagree more. I’m blown away by how much there is to eat, and it almost feels like I’m cheating. All three meals I had yesterday and the two I’ve had today have been totally filling, and not once have I craved a sugary dessert. Do I feel like shit? OH DO I EVER FEEL LIKE SHIT. I feel like I’ve simultaneously got the flu, a cold, and strep throat. But I’d heard this might happen early on as the body rids itself of toxins. And I’m going to allow my body some time considering how badly I’ve treated it for so long.

As far as giving away my Meat is Murder, Tasty, Tasty Murder t-shirt? Never, although I could be tempted to send it to a vegetarian who promises to wear it to a vegan restaurant.

  • Ali

    More power to ya … I was had to eliminate whey, eggs and milk in college to determine an allergy or intolernace, and after the initial shock, it was fine. Not easy, and let me tell you, as a starving college kid who existed on coffee, beer and mac and cheese with hot dogs in it, it could get rough. But you learn there is plenty to eat, and it’s more deliberate and thought out. And it is what you want it to be – no one is holding a gun to your head to say you must take out these things and never EVER have a sip of alcohol or taste sugar again in your life.

    My family has a saying I love – especially when I think of hearing it from my dear old great aunt who is credited with coining it: “Don’t let the bastards get you down.”
    Words to live by.

  • liz

    yay heather! honestly, i find it silly and embarrassing to be inspired by stuff i read in other people’s personal blogs, but i was so impressed by your cleanse plan that i went and ordered that crazy book from amazon. my husband and my daughter are planning to do it with me, too (starting on monday, after a weekend of iced mochas and veggie sloppy joes). we’re already vegetarians/near-vegans, but i am a horrendous caffeine addict. and i own an industrial espresso machine. i wish i could say i’d wear your t-shirt to a vegan restaurant, but i’m too meek and un-confrontational. which, i must brag, makes me not so insufferable at all.

  • Candice

    Heather, I admire you for what you are trying. I am intrigued…I may try it myself. After I see how it affects you of course. 😉

    I am a vegetarian who could care less whether other people eat meat or not. Yet it seems like everyone who does eat meat feels the need to make comments. I say screw ’em.

  • I have to admit I was thinking “the cleanse thing is so not for me, but all the power to you!” But today, with your talk of gluten, caffeine, alcohol, etc…I GET IT! In fact, I’m very tempted to follow your lead. I’ve been cutting back on caffeine, but find myself slipping back very quickly into too many cups of coffee/tea all day long, and wine almost every night, when I used to have it once in a while.

    Watch out for bacon. They say it’s the gateway meat for vegetarians. Just like pot is the gateway drug. And see how that led to a cocaine habit? 😉

  • Lula

    Best of luck with that cleanse… More luck aligning your actions with your beliefs!

    Not sure if you’ll post a link here, but here’s a good article someone wrote about being a vegan. He debunks all the myths and speaks to judgments people have about vegetarianism… He is very non-threatening, though I like when he ponders people that dress their dogs in berets but are unfazed by the fact that an equally intelligent pig became their McMuffin. – Funny

  • I have “given up” caffeine many times and I’ve found that I was not getting headaches because of the lack of caffeine, but because instead of drinking a gallon of Mountain Dew a day, I was not drinking anything. Now if I quit caffeine for a while I just drink 3 or 4 liters of water a day instead and the headache is barely noticeable. Good Luck!

  • junewell

    Three cheers. I wish I could get it together to do the same program. The one area I’m good on is caffeine. I’ve never been a regular coffee or diet coke drinker, and I rarely get headaches. I’ve always been convinced caffeine causes most people’s headaches, even for those not trying to quit. I don’t know about migraines, but it can’t help.

  • MEgAN

    I had a coworker get all bacon-crazy on me once. He coudln’t seem to understand that I didn’t need his approval to not eat a tastytasty steak for lunch, and he seemed to think it was his personal duty to convert me to meatiness. He was very angry. I blame the beef.

    If you ever feel the need to defend your choices, send people pictures of cowschwitz in California, and talk about poop. mmmm tastytasty poop.

    Um, to go along with the hippie theme I seem to be spouting here, try a bath with epsom salts for the feeling of fluishness(which is tewtally a word).

  • Amanda

    Sheesh, it must be difficult to be criticized for every little thing you ever do. I seriously can’t imagine.

    I say – good luck!! I can’t wait to hear how it goes and how you feel. You might just be the motivation I need to eat healthier and smarter!! So… thanks!!

  • Erica

    People feel the need to comment on other people’s food choices. It’s the oddest thing. They either apologize for eating meat in front of you, or tell you about their own flirtation with giving up meat (but they just love bacon so much!) or think that its funny to suggest they will eat more meat to make up for your lack. Oh, and they will challenge you about why you don’t care about the feelings of broccoli.

    Being a vegetarian did not make me a better person. It made me full of hate for other people. 🙂

  • Liz

    Hooray for Heather! I don’t know how insufferable I am, but I am definitely vegan, and if this works for you, great! If not, at least you tried. At least you are not the kind of person that at the first sign of tofu is reduced to there 4 year-old self, wailing “APPLESAUCE TOUCHED MY OTHER APPLESAUCE LEAVING ME INCAPABLE OF FINISHING MY DINNER AND MAINTAINING BLADDER CONTROL!!!!” It’s amazing the number of adults who will dig their heels in to avoid being labeled as a certain kind of eater. Maybe I am a little insufferable. I’m super excited for you though. In 48 hours, you’re going to feel awesome.

  • Good for you! I think it’s awesome that you’re doing this. My friends and I are working to build a more healthy lifestyle, something we have never allowed ourselves to have, although we damn well deserve it! And your post caused me to click on over to the Oprah site and when I looked at the recipes I thought, “Hey, I could do this.” I’ve wanted to do a cleanse for awhile, but just can’t bring myself to eat raw veggies and drink sludge shakes full of psyllium husks. But this I can do! So I ordered the book.

    Thanks for sharing. I plan to start in July & look forward to hearing how it’s going for you.

  • You are a stronger person than I am. I am a total wimp in every way imaginable.

    I did the South Beach Diet right after it came out and it is a kind of cleansing diet as well. I had to give up sugar, caffeine, carbs, fruit and just about anything you’d like to eat for 2 weeks. By the end of the first day I had a headache that felt like someone was driving a steel pole through my forehead. That lasted a couple of days, but by the 4th day I started to feel much better. However, once the two weeks was up I was all “Okay…where’s the wine? Mama needs a drink”.

  • Jen

    I can’t believe that people give a crap about what you eat. Unreal.

    I have been doing the cleanse for over a month and it is awesome. I remember being at the stage you are now and I definitely felt a bit like a gross hag as the toxins left my body. Then I realized that I really like vegetables and fruit and I could live without drinking 4 beers every night. I too was a vegetarian for 8 years, so I think you’ll find that giving up meat will be the easy part. The sugar wasn’t so bad either but the rest…was challenging.

    I must confess I am back on the coffee but in smaller quantities. The only downfall to this whole thing is that I have to go to the grocery store so much more than I used to, just to get fresh veggies and fruit. I loathe going to the grocery store! I have started buying some veggies at Costco in the HUGE size to keep stocked up around the house.

    I hope you start feeling better soon (by my calculations, that should be tomorrow!)

  • I kicked the coffee habit a few months ago.

    Damn. It is one heck of a headache. Like having 10 rabid hedghogs chewing on the inside of your scull…But a couple of days from now… fine and dandy.

    I have only been able to stick to a 2 day cleanse so far, being weak in the knees for edibles, but I must say it does make a difference and resets your system.

    Don’t want to eat meat? Don’t do it! (I don’t)

    Don’t want to eat any animal products? Don’t do it! (I need me some cheese)

    Good luck!
    I am interested to hear about how you feel during this long cleanse, as I always have wanted to do a longer one…


  • Colleen

    Heather, Thank you for that! Good luck with your cleanse, and in particular the caffeine. I have never been brave enough to give it up completely. I was vegetarian for the vast majority of my life and now we eat meat sparingly, but I have always wanted to “go back”. Anyway, good for you, hope it works well!

  • I’m three steps and a picnic basket full of tofu ahead of you, and, I must say, it feels great. I feel lighter, healthier, and my skin looks better, my bathroom visits are, ahem, well, let’s just say no worries, and life is rosy.

    But, then, given the name of my blog, this should come as little surprise. Nor should the fact that I have a bunch more steps (and picnic baskets) to go come as a surprise, either.

    Baby steps, baby steps is my mantra. (Well, that and “Charge it!”) And it seems to be working out just fine.


  • Ava’s nanny

    I volunteer to be the vegetarian with your shirt in the vegan restaurant!

    I got shit one year for giving up caffeine and sugar for Lent. I think maybe it’s because we all know they’re bad for you in the amounts we consume, but we can justify our habits if everyone else is being unhealthy as well. Remember that when you are nagged. And remind them that you are an adult.

    Rock on, lady.

  • Sarah Tupper

    You should consider posting what you’re eating! I’m very curious to try this diet, but I have no clue what I’d eat and I think that’s the main thing holding me back.

  • J. Bo

    Oh, caffeine-withdrawal headaches are the WORST. And the hand-stabbing treatment? Doesn’t work very well. Trust me on this…

  • Jen

    Though I’ve never met you, I am proud of you. Bravo for standing up to the morons who have nothing better to do with their lives than criticize strangers.

  • Randi

    I’m a long time reader of your blog Heather and when I came across your post saying you were going veg again – I was so, so excited! Maybe you’ll have some cool recipes to share?

    I’m about 80% raw vegan (even “crazier” than vegan, eh?) and never run out of things to eat. For me it’s all about the smoothies, guiltless ice cream, raw chocolate and dehydrated cookies. Yum. If I were to eat like this with “regular” food I wouldn’t be 123lbs.

    If you ever DO get a craving for some sugary treats here are a couple of websites for recipes: (my fav raw vegan lady)

    And I’ll still visit even if you become a gratuitous meat eater. 😉

  • I did a similar diet a few years ago. I refer to it as the “rocks and sticks diet” because everyone was so convinced that there was nothing to eat without wheat, milk and meat. Anyway, my only (unsolicited) advice is gauging your own body against the 21 days idea. Your body will tell you if 21 days is right or not. You probably feel in with drawl of everything right now, but eventually you will probably feel strangely normal and clean. It won’t be a craving that tells you to have toast, if that becomes something your body needs, you will just know. Good luck. I’m proud of you and excited that you are putting this idea out there.

  • If it weren’t for bacon and cheese I think I’d totally rock the vegan life.

    Oh and those gorgeous leather boots I’m coveting for the winter! except for them…

    Oooh and soft boiled eggs… and honey baked ham. Shit. I guess vegan might be harder than I thought 🙂

    I’ll be keen to see how you get through the detox. A friend of mine swears by doing one a few times a year. I’ve always thought it would be just too hard but I think I may need to give it a try too.

    Good Luck!

  • Janice

    When I mentioned yesterday that there is a store on the “West Side” (it’s not scary over here, I swear), I failed to mention that I know you are SLC area. Really close access to 215. Anyway, Against the Grain…and while you are there, you could stop over for a margarita (I’ll take your tequila). Just let me know you are coming and I will stop and get you some limes that I will squeeze by hand into a shrek glass (or do you prefer a cup?).

  • Alicia

    I’m glad I’m not the only one who had a sudden urge to run to Starbucks and grab a Frappuccino so I could spike it with rum. Mmmmm, that sounds heavenly.

  • Hey at least you aren’t tattooing your body with the label VEGAN. I knew a girl my freshman year in college who decided to go vegan and went out and tattoo-ed her body with the word. By the end of the school year she was back on meat. Cracks me up just thinking about it.

    I think we can all use a cleanse every now and again. I’ve given up coffee and diet coke before – it’s hard. Way harder than it should be. But in just a couple more days you’ll be feeling much better.

    We’ve been looking at ways to reduce our meat intake as well. But living with two boys (the hubster and the kiddo) who can eat an entire package of salami in one sitting, I think I’ll have to go that one alone.

  • Jen

    Good for you, Heather! Hey, whatever works for you and makes you feel better is cool. I am curious about the sugar part…is it just white sugar that’s forbidden – could you have raw sugar instead? Does juice count as bad?

    I think the hardest part for me would be caffeine – I had to go dairy-free a while ago and surprisingly I didn’t hate it. But I’m severely addicted to caffeine. Maybe try taking Excedrin for the headache, it has a skosh of caffeine in it. Or is that cheating? :0)

    Good luck, we’re all behind you!

  • Did you see 30 Days last night? After watching that, I’m pretty sure I’m off of meat. I like that I only have to watch an hour of tv to make changes to my life, not endure a month.

    My diet only flirts with meat…I don’t consider myself a vegetarian but only becuase I don’t like vegetables.

  • I quit the meat about 3 years ago, and peoples’ reactions shocked me to death! My decision was personal, I never went around trying to convert the carnivores, but whenever the subject came up and people found out I don’t eat meat, they were seriously offended. I don’t get that…

    Oh…and since I went veg, I started going to karaoke bars, found out that I love rum and diet Coke and I filed for divorce. *gasp* (I also lost 80 lbs, quit breaking out like a 15 year-old, found I didn’t need my happy pills anymore, found my sanity and found my self) =) So, more power to you! I think what you’re doing is awesome.

  • B


    I recently gave up caffeine and alcohol, and after a brief settling in period, it’s AWESOME! Especially the caffeine. Who knew it could be such a mood destabilizer. Good luck, I look forward to seeing how it goes!

  • wrf3

    [nag]Please, please, please make sure you’re getting enough iron[/nag]. One web site says, “Iron from vegetables, fruits, grains, and supplements is harder for the body to absorb.” Harder, of course, doesn’t mean impossible, but you may need to supplement your diet to ensure you’re getting enough.

    On the lighter side, on Father’s Day I got to meet my son’s girlfriend of all of three weeks. He’s an omnivore; she’s vegan. I was impressed: she wasn’t scared off when I asked them how they plan to raise their kids.

    FWIW, nobody knows how to cook vegetables better than Indians. I rarely, if ever, eat meat in an Indian restaurant.

  • Jennifer

    Caption over Chucks head in today’s photo:

    “Oh Mah Gawd!”

    Very very wicked southern accent.

  • Marta

    I am on the third day of a cleanse (no sugar, caffiene, processed foods, etc.). The last thing I would want to hear would be a hundred people bitching about it. Man. That sucks. Welcome to your cleanse, Heather! Let me BEAT YOU DOWN about making yourself feel better!
    Do whatever makes you feel well. (Bonus points if you share the sordid bits with us.) I can’t wait to read all about it.
    I’ll be in withdrawal myself…hopefully you will make it more entertaining. Good luck.

  • Mignon

    I’ve heard of people doing a cleanse diet (something about cabbage soup comes to mind…), and the concept that they feel like hell because of release of “all the toxins” but it’s a total head-scratcher for me. It seems more like you would feel shitty because your body’s not used to processing those foods for the nutrients it needs. As if you were a runner your whole life and in excellent shape, then you started playing soccer instead and your body was all, “hey this hurts like hell and why am I completely out of breath?”

  • Changing my diet has been one of the best things for me. I am surprised at how easy it becomes once your body is used to a healthy balanced diet.

    But I have told only my mom and husband about my diet simply because I don’t want people judging me.

    You are a brave woman, whom I respect tremendously.

  • monica

    I have been thinking about doing the cleanse for awhile now so I hope you keep us posted on your progress and how you’re feeling! I go through phases where I avoid caffeine or alcohol for a couple weeks at a time, but nothing really consistent. I always feel like my body is at its best during those times and can only imagine how much better I’d feel if I completely followed this diet. Anyway, I hope the people that were attacking don’t keep you from updating those of us that are interested in it! Good luck 🙂

  • becky h

    if you decide to manage the apt building in hell could you go ahead and add my name to the list? just in case there is a wait. you know rent, I mean sin control.

  • Best wishes to you on this…I just got to the point of giving up cigarettes last year…I might make it to giving up meat pretty soon. Espcially if the economy keeps going the way it is…no wait…the ear of corn might cost more than a steak.

    Really…I do wish you well. I got plenty of grief when I gave up the smokes from co-workers who still did and wanted me back out on the back porch for gossip and a fog of nicotine smoke.

  • Cri

    But eating vegeterians is ok, right?

  • Judy

    I think it’s great that you are trying the cleanse. I thought I might try it, but then I wanted cookie dough, so I did that instead. Made cookie dough and ate it.

    I had success healing my headaches following the plan in “Heal your Headache” by David Buchholz. I think the cleanse will pretty much force you to follow the guidelines in his book (no caffeine, no dark alcohol, no MSG, limit soy products.) I eased back into using caffeine carefully and remained headache free for a couple of years, but it is time for another go at it.

    I also just pulled out an old cookbook “Cooking the Whole Foods Way” by Christina Pirello. I admit, I haven’t cooked from it since when I got it the ingredients seemed so exotic. Now I realize I have been using a lot of them. I mostly pulled it out cuz she uses some magic seaweed (Kombu) that takes the farts out of beans. Awesome. I told hubby we were having vegetarian night once a week to reduce costs and be green(ish). I can’t remark on whether the recipes are good. (Anyone else?)

    Good luck with the cleanse. I hope it does what you are looking for.

  • rb

    I am the person who commented yesterday about “prosletyzing vegetarians.” It was an earnest comment and not meant as an attack on you, but more a reflection of what it’s like to live in Berkeley. (sigh)

    I gave up wheat and added a lot more fruit to my diet for about a month about a year ago to see if my gut would feel better. It didn’t, but to my surprise my skin cleared up. The gut thing cleared up on its own a while later.

    The wheat has slipped back in, but I’m still eating all the fruit, and my skin is still looking much better than it used to. I don’t know whether you have problems with acne, but I thought it was worth mentioning. Berries in particular seem to be great for the skin.

  • Sam

    I’m not a meat eater, mostly because I like furry animals, but I don’t begrudge others who like meat. On the other hand, many a meat eater (including my hubby) gets seriously annoyed by my non-meating habits.

    I have never understood why the meat eaters get so riled up by the veggie eaters.

  • Jennifer

    Good Luck to you Heather. I hope you have great success with your cleanse and I understood your previous post about this being part of a much larger change. Ignore those that are so negative towards your diet….why would someone you don’t even know get so irate and nasty about what you eat? I personally love red meat and am a horrible caffeine addict as well, but have many friends that don’t eat meat. Some for good health reasons and others because of moral “nothing with a face” reasons. I support and respect their choice and they return the favor to me. I’m sure you’ll have all of the support you need and hang in there through the headaches. They will go away.

  • Jan

    What? What? Where does it say ‘no peeing’?
    Oh wait, that’s related to something else.
    What is with these people?
    Well, the rest of us understand where you’re coming from and respect it.
    Four words, for when you reintroduce some dietary items:
    Spicy Asian Green Beans.
    Could eat them forever.

  • grandefille

    This longtime lurker/reader, first-time poster has two things to say:

    1) Congratulations, Miss Heather, for taking yet another positive step in living — and enjoying — your life. We should all be so brave. Indeed, I am inspired to see what a similar effort can do for me.

    2) To the haters out there who have nothing better to do than freak out over someone else’s life, may I just say, with the most sincere drawl I can muster, bless y’aaaaall’s heaaaaaarts. Y’all are just too, too much.

    All the best from middle Tennessee to the denizens of the Blurbodoocery.

  • It’s been over 17 years since I’ve eaten meat, even longer since I’ve eaten eggs or fish, and I can’t even imagine eating any of it ever again. I don’t know if I could give up caffeine though. I tried once several years ago and ended up getting headaches so bad that I drank coke to take the edge off. And then I got my first cavity.

    Oddly enough I married a meatatarian, who is afraid of vegetables, especially peas. For a chance to wear that shirt, I would so trick him into joining me at a trendy Toronto vegan restaurant.

  • It must be the vaca thing, cause hubby and I are catching up on our reading (me: Skinny Bitch and trashy novels and him: Omnivore’s Dilemma) and we’re both talking about going “vaguely vegan,” i.e. we wanna be good to ourselves and helpful to the planet, but giving up fish and meat might be more drastic than we can handle. Our solution, try and limit meat eating and only buy ethically-raised animal food products. We’ll have to see if we could actually do that once we get home from the beach. Meanwhile, I’m having another ‘rita…

    Also, getting off the caffeine is harder than kicking heroin, I know I’ve done it a few times (caffeine, not heroin) and the headaches are beyond intense. And yes, I did hallucinate.

  • okay … i have to share that i bought my husband, the ‘meat is murder, tasty tasty murder’ shirt for his bday a couple of years ago and um yeah … he is a vegan who regularly wears it to vegan and vegeatarian restaurants alike … we get a kick out of it but we’re weirdly wired that way.

  • Ok, you got me to comment twice in two days! YOU ROCK!

    I was FLOORED when I posted on my blog about eating “raw food.” My mother (no surprise) and my FRIENDS were all like, “Ummmmm, where will you get protein?” Hmmmmmmmm….where were all those people when I was eating ice cream every day? Why didn’t anyone care about what I ate then?

    I’m so with you on the idea that anything like this just challenges the hell out of people…that the labels scream I EAT RIGHT AND YOU DON’T SO NYAHNYAHBOOBOO!

    And it really makes me sad to think that people QUESTION my HEALTH when I tell them I eat whole foods regularly (unprocessed, rarely cooked, and organic if at all possible). Sheesh. Eating is WORSE than politics.

    And woe was me for posting twice in one week…once about raw food and once about Obama v. Clinton. I have no readers left because I only had a few to begin with. Silly me!

    Good luck again with YOUR cleanse. Sorry for ranting so long here.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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