the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Gold leaf coyotes or foxes, I can’t decide

Okay. So. These little guys called out, no, SCREAMED out my name when I walked into the Green Ant the other day. I found them sitting behind a stack of Eames chairs, and I scooped them immediately into my warm embrace. I was told they are covered in gold leaf, but I wanted to know how the person who made these fifty years ago knew what my miniature Australian Shepherd was going to look like. Because OH MY GOD. I just bought a golf leaf sculpture of my dog. And I know that’s tacky, beyond tacky even, that’s plastic flowers lining the soil underneath the mailbox that’s been painted to look like a pig kind of tacky, but there was no way I could let anyone else own these. Jon refers to them as The Abominations. Have you ever seen such an adorable abomination?

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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