the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Should probably replace the batteries in our walkie talkies

Jon: “Hey, baby. What’s up?”

Me: “Not much. Just sitting over here on this side of the couch reading tweets on my phone.”

Jon: “How you doin’?”

Me: “Um, I’m fine. How are you?”

Jon: “No, how you doin’?”

Me: “I’m doin’ fine.”

Jon: “How’s… that?”

Me: “How’s what?”

Jon: “… that.”

Me: “The tweets?”

Jon: “No… that. Why won’t you acknowledge that I’ve been nudging you?”

Me: “What ‘that’ are you referring to?”

Jon: “Is your thigh not resting on my foot?”

Me: “That would be a negative.”

Jon: “Then whose thigh is that?”

Me: “I think you’re about to tell me that you’ve been flirting with Chuck for the last ten minutes.”

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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