An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

After a particularly bad morning

“Are you going to write about how you had to call me to come to your rescue because you drove the car into a pole?”

“I didn’t technically drive it ‘into’ a pole. I’d prefer to call it ‘scraping.’ I scraped a pole.”

“Doesn’t matter. I just find it funny that the nagger in this relationship is the one who ended up hurting the car.”

“What do you mean nagger?”

“You know exactly what I mean. You’re always yelling at me because I’m not driving fast enough.”

“BECAUSE YOU AREN’T.”

“That’s called nagging.”

“IT DRIVES ME CRAZY.”

“I drive that way to be safe, you know, TO AVOID HURTING THE CAR.”

“I wasn’t driving fast when I scraped that pole. It had nothing to do with speed. So you do not have a point.”

“My point is, how many times have I had to call you because I hurt the car?”

“I AM CARRYING YOUR UNBORN CHILD INSIDE MY BODY. LET’S TALK ABOUT KEEPING SCORE.”

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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