An unfiltered fire hose of flaming condemnation

Delicious!

This is Gloria, the complimentary goldfish waiting for me in my hotel room in Seattle. I had no idea that hotels were doing this, and maybe it’s just a custom local to Seattle, but I wanted to call down to the front desk and let them know that I wasn’t sure if I was ready to make such a commitment. I can understand complimentary toothpaste, or a complimentary shoe shine, but a complimentary relationship with an animal dependent on me for the basics of its survival? You’re giving me work to do?

I’m kidding of course, the hotel staff feeds and cares for the fish, you can tell from this photo because Gloria’s water is so clean. You should see the water in Lou’s bowl at home, you’d think we have him swimming around in a quart of minestrone soup.

I was very sad to have to say goodbye to Gloria, she was the perfect companion for the 18 hours I spent in Seattle. I hope she remembers me fondly and cherishes those hours we spent cuddling in bed.

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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