the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Nine months

What used to be our gentle, quiet nymph has quickly turned into a growly, screaming, yelling turdball. This kid is feisty. And if you leave the room without her permission she will stiffen her entire body and SCRAH-HEEEEM as if the house is on fire. She’s just shy of learning how to crawl, and I think the frustration of wanting to move and being unable to has turned her temperament into that of a monster. Also, don’t ever hold a vessel of liquid anywhere near this kid, not if you don’t want a giant puddle all over your face and lap.

Still, she’s pretty awesome, turdballishness and all.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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