the smell of my desperation has become a stench

Risky business

Jon: Do you know how badly I’d love to buy your stepfather’s motorcycle?

Me: No. Never. Not gonna happen. NUH. UH.

Jon: But I’d just use it for fun—

Me: Jon, you know I love you, right?

Jon: Of course.

Me: That’s first on the list. Second, you’re my soul mate.

Jon: What has this got to do with—

Me: Third, you’re the father of my children.

Jon: Heather, what—

Me: Fourth, and although this is all the way down here on the list, it’s still an incredibly important fourth: I can’t run this business without you.

Jon: I appreciate—

Me: You die on a motorcycle, and I’m gonna have to wait tables.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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