the smell of my desperation has become a stench

In defense of football

A couple of weeks ago when I was in New York for HGTV I grabbed a quick drink at the hotel bar before the car to the airport arrived, taking a seat right underneath a giant flat screen TV that was tuned to The World Cup. There were only a few other people there, and suddenly I heard a really loud, obnoxious voice from behind me complaining about “this boring soccer crap.” And when I turned around to see who he was talking to, I noticed he had a fancy set of golf clubs sewn on the left chest of his shirt. Did I just sum up America in that last bit, or what?

I mean, boring? Have you even seen a match? Because boring is certainly not the first word that comes to mind when I’m watching one. Sexy, yes. HOLY BATSHIT INSANE, totally. Those guys are running, like, a hundred miles and looking mighty fine while doing so. How hard is it to look that good while just standing there on a patch of grass while whacking a ball with a pole? Not really, but how many SO HOT I JUST MIGHT ORGASM FROM STANDING NEAR THE TELEVISION golf players have you ever seen?

Well, I guess if you’re really turned on by a beer gut.

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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