Best way to roast the broomstick. Must try. Five Stars.

In defense of football

A couple of weeks ago when I was in New York for HGTV I grabbed a quick drink at the hotel bar before the car to the airport arrived, taking a seat right underneath a giant flat screen TV that was tuned to The World Cup. There were only a few other people there, and suddenly I heard a really loud, obnoxious voice from behind me complaining about “this boring soccer crap.” And when I turned around to see who he was talking to, I noticed he had a fancy set of golf clubs sewn on the left chest of his shirt. Did I just sum up America in that last bit, or what?

I mean, boring? Have you even seen a match? Because boring is certainly not the first word that comes to mind when I’m watching one. Sexy, yes. HOLY BATSHIT INSANE, totally. Those guys are running, like, a hundred miles and looking mighty fine while doing so. How hard is it to look that good while just standing there on a patch of grass while whacking a ball with a pole? Not really, but how many SO HOT I JUST MIGHT ORGASM FROM STANDING NEAR THE TELEVISION golf players have you ever seen?

Well, I guess if you’re really turned on by a beer gut.

  • Karoons

    Oooooooooh yeah to football, game of the perfect thigh.
    I’m a teacher (and English) and all the kids here got to go home early for last Wednesday’s England match. I am doubly sad now that they are out of the World Cup as it means no more slacking off at work. Woe is me!

  • joyrising

    AMEN! Finally, someone who understands!! 🙂

  • spidarnevi

    LOVE IT. fave part: when they all take off their shirts and trade at the end. HOT MEN SANS SHIRTS. what’s not to like?


    True about the hawtness, but Bossy can’t watch the World Cup games — those fan horns sound like a swarm of bees and after a small bit Bossy feels like she’s going insane. More than usual, she means.

  • spunkycub

    Not really a sports fun, but I gotta say I find beer guts really sexy. 🙂

  • Indigo

    I agree – soccer men are heavenly. However, on the topic of football, the first-ever international tournament for WOMEN’S tackle football is going on right now in Stockholm. Bring it home, ladies!

  • KatieC

    ha, you aint seen nothing until you watch an irish hurling match, kinda like hockey but faster and hotter. talk about muscular hotties running around in shorts and using naughty words.

  • Lizzy

    I have never seen so much Hotness as I have when I watch the World Cup.
    So, what I’m trying to say is, “Hell yeah! Dooce!”

  • riogringa

    Yayyy Heather! The one thing I think is lacking from your blog, which is really no fault of yours, is the international angle. I love soccer, but am mostly bored by all other sports. I think living in a soccer country will pretty much do the trick, but if not, it’s just a matter of getting into it a bit. I am thrilled by how many Americans are getting into the World Cup. Too bad it’s only every four years!

    Here’s some posts I’ve written along the lines of your post, minus the hot guy part.

  • TSWC

    Yes. But in the United States, the game is called soccer.

  • mightyko

    Soccer makes me realize I could never be lesbian. I see those legs in those shorts and those legs running, kicking, flexing…
    Is it hot in here?

  • kwillie kwillie

    Amen, sisters! Rock hard calves and smooooth moves 🙂 If there was a TV channel for the Ghana Black Stars, I might just have to subscribe. And, what, you ladies don’t find out of shape middle-aged men who need small boys to carry around their clubs sexy? Come ON 🙂

  • unpopularsuggestions

    I would like to thank you for this post by sharing the following video:
    That is all. 🙂

Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

read more