the smell of my desperation has become a stench

For our good intentions

Yesterday I showed up to my bi-weekly session with my trainer 10 minutes early like I always do to warm up on a treadmill. Except every single treadmill was taken. I then did an involuntary slow pan of the entire gym and realized that every single piece of machinery was occupied. Resolutions everywhere! I tried not to be judgmental, but I was not so successful in that endeavor and cursed under my breath as I ran up and down the street behind the gym to warm up. Maybe the mass of bodies stuffed inside that space won’t dissipate by the beginning of February like it does every year, and here’s hoping we’re all successful in following through on the goals we’ve set for ourselves.

Here’s mine: I will NOT go up behind the row of treadmills and poke every single person in the butt.

1. Sports Tank Top $9.95

2. Nike Women’s Pro Hyperwarm Dri-FIT Tights $99.88

3. Nike Free 5.0 Flash Running Sneakers $114.99

4. Nike Rally Signal Hoodie $58.99

5. Nike 3″ Pro Core Compression Dri-Fit Shorts $29.99

6. AVEX Kangaroo Autoseal Hydration Bottle with Storage $17.95

7. Nike Free Flyknit 4.0 Running Sneakers $119.99

8. New Balance WL574 Glitch Pack Sneaker $64.98

9. Skinnydip London Soundbuds $22

10. Adidas Sport Shorts $30

11. Luminous Anorak $49.99

12. Fleece Jacket $34.95

13. Nike Womens Gym Vintage Capris $39.98

14. Active GoDRY Graphic Tank $9

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Heather B. Armstrong

Hi. I’m Heather B. Armstrong, and this used to be called mommy blogging. But then they started calling it Influencer Marketing: hashtag ad, hashtag sponsored, hashtag you know you want me to slap your product on my kid and exploit her for millions and millions of dollars. That’s how this shit works. Now? Well… sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride.

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