Lists

2:32 AM – crying like a little sissy dog when he should be asleep.

4:16 AM – forgetting that only an hour and a half earlier he was crying like a little sissy dog; crying like a little sissy dog again.

5:00 AM – thinking it’s time to play.

5:02 AM – trying to convince Mama and Papa that it’s time to play.

5:03 AM – biting Mama’s fingers.

5:04 AM – biting Papa’s fingers.

5:05 AM – deciding that he likes to bite Mama’s fingers better because of that wonderful yelping sound they make.

7:10 AM – refusing to eat prescribed puppy food, calling it “dry and hideously insipid”.

7:11 AM – begging for a small piece of peanut butter toast with a small banana “cut to look like a flower” on top.

7:35 AM – chasing every moving object on the sidewalk instead of pooping or peeing.

7:36 AM – biting Papa’s ankles instead of pooping or peeing.

7:50 AM – pooping in the most remote and out-of-reach spot in the bushes so that Mama has to crawl around in the dirt to find it, bag it and toss it.

11:00 AM – refusing to watch “Young and The Restless”.

11:37 AM – asking Mama, “What time does Total Request Live come on?”

12 Noon – wondering whether or not I heard him the first time when he said, “I’m not going to eat that shit food. Forget about it.”

3:30 PM – watching and loving Carson Daly.

4:00 PM – sleeping through Oprah.

6:36 PM – refusing to drink Schlitz malt liquor.

10:02 PM – pretending to be interested in The Real World so that Mama and Papa won’t think he’s tired and put him to bed.

10:03 PM – failing miserably at pretending to be interested in The Real World.

12:44 AM – crying like a little sissy dog when he should be asleep.