We also have fog, which if no one ever told you, is the most magical weather phenomenon that ever existed. It’s a cloud that’s low to the ground! We even have a name for the cheeky fog fellow. It’s Karl. And yeah, we’re the kind of place where the fog has a Twitter and an Instagram.
– Steve Albini on Nirvana’s In Utero
– I’m joining this church, you guys.
– “Ryan Gosling will never risk his delicate, beautiful life by hanging from a ferris wheel just to speak to you.”
– A Supercut of SNL actors breaking character
By replacing tipping with a service charge, we were legally able to redirect about a quarter of that revenue to the kitchen, which reduced the income disparity and helped foster unity on our team.
– OMG OMG OMG: “Anyone else feel like hugging every person in the world after seeing that?”
– This deserves my heartiest HAHAHAHAHA!: Chinese zoo angers visitors by passing off hairy Tibetan mastiff dog as lion
– The true Size of Africa
You will start personifying your poultry. You will start backyard narratives and you will tell them to other other people like they really happened.
– 9 Notorious Animals Who Fucked Shit Up Like a Boss
– Love these: body system posters
– Non-self-aggrandizing author bios: “Richard Parks kinda phoned this one in.”
– If the fake movies of Seinfeld were real
– A few of my favorite recent tweets:
Doorbells – Because heart attacks dont grow on trees
— monkey tractor (@ninatreemonkey) August 10, 2013
I swear, if you listen very carefully, you can actually hear a 7 year old take a breath of air while telling a story
— Matt McStinkyButt (@Matt_the_1st) August 9, 2013
Saw a dog lick another dog's crotch as it peed. These are our best friends.
— Greg Dorris (@GregDorris) August 13, 2013
Awkward moment early this AM. I was out running and bumped into our cat in the park. We were both like 'Oh. Hi. What are you doing here?'
— Lauren Laverne (@laurenlaverne) August 16, 2013
One of the WWE wrestlers announced he is gay. The others still haven't.
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) August 15, 2013
going on day 43 of thinking this will be the last day i can squeeze anything out of this toothpaste tube.
— tetia stroud (@tetiastroud) August 2, 2013
My favorite part of the Minnesota State Fair has to be the impromptu jousting tournaments on Segways with foot-long corn dogs.
— Joel Ingersoll (@FlyoverJoel) August 13, 2013
If you watch a porno backwards it's about helpful men who vacuum the faces of ladies with bad colds
— Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) August 14, 2013
Daughter complained about my beard stubble. So I went to the bathroom, got some shaving cream, & used it to write "Fuck you" on the mirror.
— Mike Leffingwell (@mikeleffingwell) August 4, 2013
I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named FIREWORKS AND VACUUMS so my dog won't find them.
— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) July 29, 2013