Tyrant

There’s been some confusion as to what the relationship is between Dane and my assistant, and just so we’re all clear: John LaCaze is Dane’s father.

Just kidding. But seriously, he is. I’m starting that rumor now.

Dane’s been a good friend of John for a few years, and the moment we met him he instantly felt like family. In fact, my mother invited him over for Christmas and got him a present. She forgot my 24th birthday and yet she’ll get some strange kid a present for the holidays. MOTHER.

Dane attends the University of Utah and is in between apartments, so he’s staying in my basement for a bit. I didn’t even hesitate to say yes when he asked if that would be okay, I just had one request: LEAVE MY FOOD ALONE. That kid can eat about 4,000 calories for breakfast. What he can do to a bag of chips? Horrifying. My website might be able to employee two people, but it most certainly cannot keep him fed.