Dear Reader and Occasional Commenter,

So it’s time I sit down and write about the comments on this website, because I really feel like it’s a conversation that we need to have.

And I thought that maybe I’d go back through my archives and showcase all the hateful and hurtful comments that have been made about me, on my own website, if only to point out that I don’t know of many other places on the internet where a person who runs a personal website has to suffer such massive public vilification in her own comments. I mean, I’ve suffered the threats and judgments of the public in places such as Metafilter and Signals vs. Noise, places I would expect such judgment, but I never thought I would face such venom on my own website.

Do not misunderstand me, I knew that by allowing comments on the site in the first place I would run into a multitude of people who would disagree with many of the things I say and do, and I don’t necessarily mind comments that express an opposing opinion. But it’s hard to abide comments that attack me or other people who make viable comments on this website.

I think many of my readers may not understand what I’m trying to do, and this is very frustrating, especially when they make comments like, “I can’t believe you’re making such a big deal out of this, go make yourself a martini and chill out,” only proving to me and to the other readers who get it that they don’t get it at all. And I’m conflicted, you see, because I rarely go about deleting comments solely on the basis that the commenter obviously doesn’t get what I’m trying to do. But I think the majority of my readers, the ones who come here looking for me to make a big deal out of nothing, who know that my greatest pleasure in life is making a big deal out of nothing, find it annoying that they have to sift through all that noise to get to the comments from people who have something legitimate to say.

So I went back through the archives and was reminded that I have a real appreciation for most of the people who read and comment on this website, that many of you are very funny and sympathetic and wonderfully, refreshingly frank about your own lives. And because of you I don’t want to focus on the negative feedback I get from those 3-4 people a day who can’t wait to tell me how much they hate me. And it’s because of you that I don’t want to remove the comments option from my posts.

And so I guess I should establish some guidelines for commenting on this website, even though I know they will be totally disregarded and that the 13-yr olds in Wisconsin are going to try and break my site like they did on Friday, but maybe things would be better if we all tried the following three things:

1. Please read all of the comments before you make a comment, if only to prevent yourself from repeating something that has already been said. I think I can safely say that we all fucking know that Avril is French for April, please don’t point it out again.

2. Please do not use any HTML tags in your comments, as I have turned that option off and your comments will not look like you thought they would. If you’d like to post a URL, just paste the address into your comment. I’m sorry, but that picture of your sore red anus will not show up if you call an image tag.

3. If you’re going to bash Britney, at least say you’re sorry afterward.

Happy commenting.

Love,
Dooce

  • moose

    PS, I say delete when you want. You got the reins and you drive this thing!

  • http://www.posterboy.org The Posterboy

    Yeah I get your way or writing. Why can’t everyone else. It cracks my shit up to read how you can blow something totally out of proportion. That’s my reason for coming here.

  • Carrie

    Your website is my carrot-on-a-stick. “When I finish this report, I’ll read Dooce!”, or “While I wolf down my lunch at my desk like a good little slave, at least I’ll get to read what Dooce has to say today.” The comments page is the ice cream dessert, especially with a little sweet chunk of chocolate chip Dooce response, or a praline-covered “the husband thinks” surprise in the mix. MMM-MMM good!

  • Kate the Great

    Hey Carrie, I already used the comments-as-sweets metaphor! Hands off, girl! Dooce, this is where you demonstrate your powers of comments mediation.

    I must admit that Carrie was more descriptive, though. In fact, it’s making me hungry for pralines.

  • http://www.littleorphan.com Amy

    Dooce,

    Thanks for another great post. Like many others commenting on your thoughts today, I hope I’m not one of the 13 year olds referenced…. but I’m pretty sure I was the first to point out the April thing, and boy am I feeling a little more than silly about it now! Anyway, I took my own bashing for my comments, which were meant to be silly and representative of Canadians being able to laugh at themselves a little, and not as “holier-than-thou” as accused… and for the record, I’m not from Alberta, although I’m sure it’s a wonderful place to be from, but I did go to University in Kingston which is near Napanee… thus the personal insights… whatever…
    Anyway, your site is my favourite and I only hope to one day achieve such passionate and volumous commentary by readers as you have here.
    Thanks again!

  • Zan

    You make me laugh.
    You make me cringe.
    You make things fun to ready through your thoughtful and insiteful use of personifivation (like the ol’ cock-a-doodle-doo comment) and candor.

    Definitely a fun ride each and every day at dooce.com.

    Let loose your thoughts, your comments, your rants, and your raves, but remember, people, that she is sticking her pretty neck out every time she posts a new, enthralling installment. I, for one, have profound respect for dooce for the simple reason that so many people are NOT willing to field the feedback of an anonymous audience.

    Rock on, Dooce… and don’t forget to give Chuck a treat.

  • http://home.earthlink.net/~iamgreg/blogger.html Greg

    Is it okay to bash Brittany Murphy without apologizing? ‘Cause on top of being kind of annoying, she helped knocked off “Two Towers” from #1 this weekend.

  • http://www.xanga.com/freshandnippy Christine

    Where are they?! I’m gonna kick their punk ass bitches’ asses!

  • http://www.ixnow.com/niurope niurope

    despite everything, i do like your site. i have gotten negative comments from a reader that frequents your site, but that’s all in the past.

  • the media

    let me start off by saying, i sincerely do apologize for any insensitive comments that i may have made.

    i think you write wonderfully. i’ve discovered your site by complete accident (typing in random addresses) and found your writing to be quite entertaining. i live & work in la as an art director. it was quite interesting to read about your work life. anyway, i hope some of my comments did not hurt you in any way. i meant nothing by it. i think you’re an interesting, intelligent person (god, knows there are so little of you on this planet). have you ever thought about writing a screen play or something. afterall you did live in la. i think you’d do quite well. i’ll even help you get it sold if it’s anything like your posts.

    your typography is excellent.

  • http://arielmeadow.com/electrolicious Ariel

    Dooce, as someone who recently went through a massive attack on my comment system, I sympathize with your weariness. Trolls are obnoxious and draining…and what’s worse of all is no matter how hard you try to ignore them, they still GET to you. Mine did, at least. After 50 comments telling me I was fat, ugly, a dyke, a cunt, etc etc etc, I had to admit that the terrorists had won…and I took my comments down for a few weeks. Glad you didn’t have to!

  • http://www.moveablebeast.com peggy

    I wish commenters had to take an oath, like doctors: ‘first, do no harm.’ Alas. Glad you’re back.

  • http://lauradeda.blogspot.com Laura

    This post is kind of funny (in an irony-a-la-Alanis sort of way) because a few days ago I was just thinking about how all of the “I love you, Dooce! I love your hair and I wish I were you!” comments were getting kind of boring. Not that the couple of comments I’ve left have been absolute genius.

    Alas, I have resolved to be less hateful this year. All of the jerks around these parts should do the same.

    To you, Dooce, I refuse to compliment your hair, but I will say: Play on, Player.

  • http://www.villapaita.com jimmypage

    d00ce – it does get a bit tiring reading all the comments posted by those who feel obligated to lick your anus after reading your rant-of-the-day. It would be nice if people would actually do what you have suggested. In simple terms, people: have a take and don’t suck.

  • http://tvguide.com EC

    Ok, am I channeling you again or is this a repeat? I think it is a great idea to pull this one out everytime someone bashes Britney or they tell you Avril is french for April. Abril is spanish for April too.

  • Totah DinÈ

    I’m sorry that this happened. I really enjoy the eloquent way you take us with you on your jaunts. It amazes me how well you tell a story and keep your readers captivated. You’re a wonderful refreshing writer. I would hope that the comments would stay up. But, if you did have to take them off I’d still be a faithful reader. Thank you for making the mundane, magical. You rock! :o )

  • Anonymous

    Those who can DO those who can’t COMMENT !!! LOSERS!

    Rock on Dooce.. I’ll pay the premium…

  • http://www.bluepixie.com living vicariously

    Dooce, you only say the things that most of us wish we could. Me, I stick to yelling in the shower and glowering at unsuspecting pedestrians, but I’m not nearly as brave as you.

  • Natasha

    I think you’re right on. I also think you’ve got class to allow comments even though some of them turn into personal attacks toward you. But I do think it says something for you and your site that so many of them are positive. Keep the thoughts coming…I love your observations about nothing. Too much “something” hurts my brain. :)

  • http://www.aubreysabala.com aubs

    Ditto everyone above — love the site, and esp. the comments. Even more since I can’t seem to get MY audience (ok, all 3 of them!) to leave me a comment to save my life. Keep on doing what you’re doing, Dooce, and we’ll keep on reading.

  • JSN

    I’ve been reading since before the firing, and though I rarely comment, I think your method of making big deals out of the little things is exactly what we all wish we were allowed to do all day long. I just can’t wait to hear your thoughts on the Justin and Britney “Cry Me a River” debacle!

    The hell with the nay-sayers. Rule on, Dooce!

  • http://www.untopia.com garrett

    You rock. Don’t let the trolls win. Your site is a favorite daily diversion. The comments are part of what make it so fun. Hopefully they won’t disappear.

  • Rex

    See? Everybody loves you, after all. No worries. Sorry if I made you angry. Why don’t you treat yourself to that martini.

  • http://spikenheimere.livejournal.com spike

    dooce,

    i love reading your site, and i typically dont get to it til theres a crapload of comments. i find that i usually end up only reading your post and not the comments.

  • http://livejournal.com/users/katekinks Kate

    Yay for getting it. Yay for writing deliciously hilarious stuff to be gotten.

  • http://a-splinter.diaryland.com Splinter

    I hardly comment. In fact, this just may be my fourth or fifth comment ever. But I wanted to say sorry if I offended you, or annoyed you in any way. I do love your writing, and you make me smile, laugh or think. Three very good reactions.

  • cancurio

    Well, I wonder. I read all that Avril/Britney/Canada stuff and I figured this is a great representative place to ask a couple of questions:
    So, I read on Salon.com that Americans are generally really religious people. Not all the academic types (tho maybe them too) but the population at large. Is that true? Are you a religious culture? I always assumed you were like us Canadians, a bunch of liberal skeptics, I was surprised to read of differences, so I’d be interested in your responses. Secondly, we had an American friend visiting recently. He said he was surprised by what he was seeing on the Canadian news, that this information would never be aired on the network news in America. Now, he wasn’t a fan of Bush or this whole Iraq thing in the first place so he was into hearing different perspectives, but I wonder if people down there are just swallowing the Bush nonsense hook line and sinker or if you’re looking outside of your own national news to see what the rest of the world is talking about?
    I have a lot of American friends, so don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing, but the stuff I hear about lately (and this latest thing with the Republicans winning the senate and such) has really got me wondering. Please fill me in.

  • http://www.dennis.ca/weblog dennis

    If you’re using Apache, take a gander at the ‘deny from’ directive:

    http://httpd.apache.org/docs-2.0/
    howto/auth.html

    Or, if you prefer to do things at the Moveable Type level:

    http://www.movabletype.org/docs/
    mtmanual_blog_config.html#ip%20banning

    Obviously this isn’t nearly foolproof, but it might stop a few fools… :)

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    cancurio: go see Bowling for Columbine, the recent documentary from Michael Moore. that should explain a lot of things.

  • http://catchingon.net/ Jason

    Wow – that’s the first time I’ve ever made it through all the comments… I was reading you before the hiatus as well, and I was thinking just last week that a lot of the comments I did read on your site were just so far away from “getting it.” When you said “my greatest pleasure in life is making a big deal out of nothing,” that’s it! that’s why your site is so consistently funny; your ability to make nothing into funny. If you can’t appreciate that, why bother?

  • robyn

    i think it’s sad that people don’t “get” this site. of COURSE we want to hear about zits and mormon silliness and whatever other amusing things dooce has on her mind! as for cancurio’s question about non-liberals…yes, there are many non-liberals (dare i say, conservatives!?!) in the US. i in fact am one of them (tho quite moderate). please don’t be alarmed, one doesn’t have to be liberal to be a skeptic OR responsible in thought OR not to be wallowing in “bush nonsense”. but that’s beside the point. please ignore the buttheads, and keep up your usual entertaining goodness!

  • http://spacecowgirl.nu/starfish tracey

    rock on, dooce. it’s so refreshing to read your journal because you don’t hold back, and why should you? it’s your space and you can do whatever you want with it frankly.

  • Thomas

    Scrap the comments, Dooce. go with your pics instead. they’re awesome. it was the second best thing about your old site.

  • http://www.designlounge.com/blog/ Jerry S.

    Since Jerry Seinfeld, we know that life is about nothing, and that is mostly hilarious, often sad, sometimes thrilling and always present. To make a big deal out of the small things is what we do every day. You grant us a closer and more honest look into your life by describing what you describe than by coming up with the “big” issues. Long live the pimple.

  • http://www.eden.rutgers.edu/~mskilgre Ariella

    I just don’t read the comments. After a few days of having to read stuff that was not the Doocery I came here for, I just decided to ignore them.

  • http://www.thefalseidol.com/herhighnessness HRH

    Dooce,
    I was truly upset when I couldn’t post a comment on your oxy post (I know the ultimate solution to an unwanted facial guest-the pink lotion from Mario Badescu) and was even more upset to see that your site had been besieged by 13 year olds from Wisconsin. Thanks for keeping the comment feature and for writing as well as you do. Your honesty is very cool.

  • Anonymous

    show only the top 10 posts. only the comments that add something.

  • http://toodumbtohaveone.com Glovia

    I have read through 86 people who think Dooce rocks the world; count me as no. 87. however, you must know that the numbers are rising in the “Dooce Has Deleted Our Posts Coalition”, faster than the growth of the Mormon church even. We all know Dooce is super-talented. And I’m sure people say purely mean things. However, (and I’m surprised not one of 86 has brought this up) when one of us disagrees with you (not hates you) and dares to post about it – we are either told we fucking suck or are deleted entirely. And as talented and funny as Dooce is, and as much as I know I’ll keep coming back for more, the whole thing seems a little well, you people just don’t get it. Half of the blog satisfaction at least, is getting the feedback. Hurtful or not, it’s recognition acknowledgement. You know it feels good to sit back at night and say, I had 4,521 fucking comments today. Yay me. Take the cream with the crap and keep writing – Lord knows you’re good at it!

  • http://www.kaneblues.com/ kane

    It seems to me that there was a time when more of your visitors would “get it”. Now it seems like many of the newer arrivals not only don’t get it, but also don’t understand what comments are for. It’s no reflection on you, but sometimes it feels like your site has become a chic restaurant, where many of the customers come to be seen, rather than to enjoy the great food.

  • Carrie

    Aside to Kate the Great::
    Sorry, didn’t notice your sweets metaphor before I posted – I was distracted by something shiny. Mea culpa.

  • http://www.staceygeorge.com stacey

    Totally unrelated-
    Did you see Joe Millionaire last night? This girl Heidi (heidi? holly? something like that) who was NOT sympathetic AT ALL, very unDOOCElike, but she looked JUST LIKE the DOOCE! And she had a boyfriend back home, too. Dooce? Did you make an appearance on Joe Millionaire between jobs when your blog was down? Fess up chica!

  • http://www.beltzner.ca/ifeelafel Feelafel

    love-in: you inspired me to blog; the only reasons that I haven’t totally copied your layout are a. I’m too lazy, and b. I respect your originality and creativity in creating them in the first place; I missed your presence so much during that 1/2 year blackout that I’d check back to http://www.dooce.com, like, every /day/ and just gaze at the lone logo graphic.

    strength-giving: even if people (myself included) disagree with you, the strength you demonstrate in being so raw and real on your blog speaks volumes about your character and honesty. Would that I could be as true on mine.

    slight-criticism: you’ve gotta let go, darlin’. You can’t convince all the people all the time, and someone’s always gonna misinterpret you. Write your post, put on your “I’ve-said-my-piece” pants and let those nasty thoughts you might get back sliiiide.

  • http://www.bagclaim.blogspot.com/ Kelly

    Dooce! I get it! Not only do I get it, I love it and I try to find time to check it out every day! It makes me happy the same way a hot fudge sundae does, the same way an appreciative smile from a sexy stranger does! Dooce, you’re the juice!

  • anna

    they like you – they really like you!

    seriously. last night during the american music awards when they annouced poor avril’s name – i made some snide remark about her general suckiness and my sweet boyfriend looked askance at me and said: ‘oh – so now your’e jumping on the dooce bandwagon – huh?”

    you didn’t know you had a bandwagon – did you? well you do – and i’m on it.

    (although, for the record, i have been annoyed by avril since at LEAST 4 months ago.)

  • http://www.dooce.com dooce

    Glovia: if I remember correctly, the comment of yours that i deleted was not really a disagreement with me, but a mean comparison of a bouqut to a dildo aimed at a bride in one of the pictures i took over the holiday. you’re totally entitled to that opinion, i just didn’t think that my friend Rebecca, who was just an innocent subject of a photograph, deserved to have that said about her wedding day on my website. I’d have been upset if one of my friends had left something like that said about me and my wedding day on their website. Do you understand?

    I think you’ll find plenty of comments in the archives wherein the reader totally disagrees with me and has no qualms telling me such, comments i have not deleted.

    Kelly, for the record, I look NOTHING like Heidi on Joe Millionaire, and my husband can back up that defense. That was probably the meanest comment ever. (maybe not ever, but it stung like a bee)

  • moose

    sweet Dooce (and yes, we know what it means in French already), I suspect most commenting here who don’t understand your reaction today missed the nastiness of yesterday which you (wisely!) deleted. And otherwise harbor petty grievances. I have see you do nothing that was not warrented. Let’s move on! Rock on, girl!

  • MemphisBen

    I saw that stupid ass show last night. You look just like that girl. It’s a compliment, she’s a hotty and so are you. Your probably mad because she’s a bitch huh.

  • http://www.skein.org/listing.php?author=j_moody kidfarthest

    Apart from the fact that they have their noses way too deep into YOUR BUSINESS, the comments on Metafilter seem to have some sane advice, and some decent feedback, even if they all tend to steer one towards more normative behavior. I think the prose DOOCE herself crafts is excellent, exquisite, tempered, articulate, and many other good things. The problem with the comments is that they so often sink immediately to the most basic and prurient of concerns and lack all of the subtlety that DOOCE displays in her prose. Many fans, yes, but few true acolytes.

  • total_looser

    are you deleting the negative psots to this commentary thread?

    i suspect youve spent too much time in your life hanging out with liberal jewish democrats

    not that theres anything wrong with that

    ps. your self shrine is very shiny

  • http:www.blurbomat.com the husband

    My wife looks not one whit like that woman on Joe Millionaire. Your mom does.