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Happiness is . . .

Pooping on a regular basis.

Our Little Chupacabra

During the first six weeks of Chuck’s life we were unsure whether or not we’d actually adopted a dog and not some sort of abandoned scientific experiment, perhaps a hyena crossed with a mountain lion crossed with a mythical Latin goat sucker. He was four weeks old when we brought him home, and so all [...]

Dear Reader and Occasional Commenter,

So it’s time I sit down and write about the comments on this website, because I really feel like it’s a conversation that we need to have. And I thought that maybe I’d go back through my archives and showcase all the hateful and hurtful comments that have been made about me, on my own [...]

Oxy Moron

So it happened today, the adult-onset pimple. It’s on my right temple, directly next to my right eye. And all day long I’m going to look at people’s noses in hopes that they will in turn look at my nose, a nose with no pimples, instead of into my eyes. If they look into my [...]

January 09, 2003

Anvil Latrine

Here’s what I don’t understand: what I don’t understand is how those people expect me to believe that Avril Lavigne is the “alternative” to Britney Spears. Those people just expect me to lie down and get over the fact that this Avril creation, someone so insipidly sterile that the only thing even slightly askew about [...]

What’s Grosser than Gross?

Please indulge me this juvenile activity. I’m counting on you people to come up with something so sick and diseased that I can’t help but think that the sickness I feel right now is in some way a blessing. I’ll start with a couple of my favorites, the ones I used to repeat over and [...]

Calling in Sick

So it started way before the Absolut Kurant, about a week before the Absolut Kurant to be exact. I woke up Christmas morning in the basement of my mother-in-law’s house with a throat so swollen I couldn’t fit a t-shirt over my head. And I can deal with a swollen throat, and all the symptoms [...]

Pictorial Recap of a Very Hurtful Holiday

This is my cousin discovering the new habit of walking around with his pants pulled down around his ankles. This is Jon silently freaking out at the price of water ($4.00/bottle) on the room service menu at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. This is the green chair in our room at [...]