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Coming to Terms with the Y Chromosome

So here’s the thing about men: the thing is, all men are airheads. And I’m not trying to pick a fight or necessarily make a sweeping generalization, it’s just a conclusion I’ve come to after years and years of empirical study. My husband is an airhead, all of his male friends are airheads, all of [...]

Happy Dooce Got Fired Day

A year ago today I got fired from my job because of my website. And I thought that instead of celebrating with vindictive destructive behavior, like asking everyone to write an email to Her Heinousness inquiring about her recent botox injections, how about I resurrect a past Dooce challenge that many of you may have [...]

Utah Isn’t So Bad Sometimes

All of these photos were taken at sunset last night by me and Scrumptious Bearded Husband, with the kind assistance of The Former Congressman. You should listen to Interpol really loudly while you look at these, and have yourself a multi-media extravaganza.

Settle the Score

My husband seems to think that “crayon,” as in “Crayola Crayon” is pronounced “cray on,” as if it were two words, like “go put the cray on the table.” And we all know that it’s not two words. The correct pronunciation of “crayon” is “crown,” as in “gimme the brown crown.” Now that we all [...]

A Selection of Recent, Random and Wholly Unrelated Observations, Volume III

Sometimes when Jon opens a Snickers Bar and passes it to me I feel as naughty as if he were passing me a joint. There’s just no difference, except one makes me high, and the other one makes me paranoid. I used to like Led Zeppelin. Blondes have it better than septic tank poopy reds. [...]

Sometimes If I Think Real Hard I Can Remember Pickle Juice

So last night during a family dinner of meaty spaghetti and non-alcoholic fizzy beverages I found out that when I was five years old my parents had to burn a tick out of my right ear. First of all, these are the types of things we talk about around the Hamilton Family dinner table, things [...]

Alpha Bits

Over the weekend we had dinner with some friends whose 6-yr old daughter was lamenting the fact that because her last name begins with an “S” she is always put at the back of the alphabetical line in her class at school. And she had several suggestions as to how to remedy her situation, among [...]

February 17, 2003

Am I Hot?

Name: Former Congressman Henry “Buck” Chucklesworth Hometown: Salt Lake City, UT Height: 18″ Weight: 47 lbs Age: 11 months Occupation: Ladykiller

Outside the Box

Chuck has slept in a locked crate since the second night of his life in our family. Crate training was something we had read and heard about, and after a single night of having him sleep on a blanket next to the bed, a night of living hell wherein we’d wake repeatedly to the sound [...]